While I wasn’t posting, while I was getting myself better and healing my family as much as possible, I was also weighing heavy decisions about what to do with…this. #OrgasmQuest changed my life in many ways. Many amazing ways, also many difficult ones. Certainly changed my interactions with social media. It has taken time and distance to sort these out. It has taken a lot of deep thought on how I want to proceed. Who I want to be next. Now that people are paying attention to what I have to say – I feel compelled to speak.
The things I want to talk about from here on out do not always work together. It has taken me a while to sort out, but I’ve decided to split myself to a degree. CristaAnne, this site, is going to be me. Rainbow Revolutionary, a site that is starting to come together will be the home of #OrgasmQuest 2.0, my sexuality writing and activism. Once I had the domain, the changes started to click together for me.
In the various professional groups I’m in I’ve watched how a number of successful folks rolled out new sites, new training programs, new directions for their brands. So many wonderful friends and peers gave me their advice on how to shift branding and I soaked up all their brilliance.
Overall, the theme was to get both sites done – then roll out a contest or giveaway to celebrate. Which is an excellent way to go about building a brand and business. Which is how I started to plan this out. Get everything ready & rainbowed – then make a splash with RainbowRevolutionary at Woodhull.
V worked fucking magic resurrecting the content from one of my earlier sex blogs – PinkSexGeek – and loaded it as back content for Rainbow. That content is all 6-8 years old, and much of it is *adorable* in my baby sex geekdom. My love Cooper and I started talking a bit about design and trading design skills for social media skills. Things were going along nicely.
I am not slick marketing or even all that together. My plans were coming together nicely, but they quickly started to feel decidedly not me. My work needs to feel like me or things start to fall apart. When my work feels inauthentic – for any reason – I begin to develop anxiety complexes around it. Those anxiety complexes can become vast and insurmountable in an astonishingly quick amount of time.
If there were awards for speed and complexity of creating these complexes, I’d have shelves of trophies.
A huge part of getting better for me is to work very hard on not setting myself up for failure. Another trophy worthy skill of mine. Very quickly I could see the small ways that is was setting myself up and how they were about to become big issues.
I’m wildly successful when I do things my way so I should probably run with that. I’m approaching 20 years of oversharing, 20 years of being openly a mess online. The awesome thing I have learned is that pretty much everyone else is just as much of a mess, they’re just better at covering that. They’re more comfortable covering their messiness, and I am more comfortable sharing it.
CristaAnne, this site, will be my radical softness and open vulnerability. After expressing myself this way for 20 years, this is how I process. Over the last year, when I did not feel safe using this tool, was the most disconnected I’ve felt from myself. So I’m using it.
This is my messy life, my messy brain, my messy fumbling though adulthood and parenting. Trial and error, stops and starts, victories and fuckups. Be the change you want to see in the world. This is what I want to see in the world. Less glossy perfection, less hiding of scars, hiding the broken bits that we all have. My power has always been tied to the fact that I am comfortable talking about the every day experiences were supposed to hide. I have this skill because I’m not good at hiding things.
So I’m going to overshare creating Rainbow as I overshare everything else. I will continue my policy of no comment sections, but goodness knows I am easily reachable across the net. When I’m looking for feedback, I’ll put a contact form at the bottom so you can interact with me. I love hearing from and interacting with people – but the internet needs to grow up and learn manners again before I begin to think about comments.
So, your choice. You can watch me sort myself out as I come back to life, or you can just pop in when I’ve gotten something figured out. May not be the expert way to do things, but it’s mine and I’m comfortable with that.
I’m not much of a dog person, but Dexter dog is the sweetest, kindest, most wonderful dog I’ve ever known. Our kids adore him and he put up – sometimes even enjoys the endless attention they give him. Dex lives for belly rubs and will instantly flop down for tummy love any time he meets someone new. He curls around me in bed when I’m writing or reading, face in my lap for random pets. I adore this dog and the wonderful happiness he has brought into our home.
Boy howdy, that is true. Briefly he respected the fence and he could be wild and play with the kids, but once he realized that the fence is just a little jump, he was off. I’ve met more of my neighbors chasing down Dex than I have in the 5 years I’ve lived here. One time, when I was gone and V had a migraine, he jumped the fence and fucking ran to the CVS a mile and a half across one busy ass road.
So today, I opened the door to get something outside. Dex darts past me and instantly drops to pee. “Okay, he really had to go, I’ll excuse the running…”
Walk over, get my fingers almost around his collar and HE IS OFF. Wrecked my shoulder in the process. Leaps over to our neighbors and than chills sniffing around. “Okay, he’s checking out the yard, I can get his favorite treat, leash and get him fast.” Yell that Dex has run off and I’m getting him, and out I go.
It was 3 miles round trip, racing through yards, trying to corner him against fences. As I’m running through these yards I’m yelling “I’m not a burglar, trying to get my dog!” Weaving in and out blocks going deeper and deeper into the neighborhood. Finally someone comes out, Dex instantly runs to him, gives belly and I have him leashed.
Racing around like that – today of all days – in my head while I was running it was very clear to me that even though I feared someone coming at me for being on their property, I was safe because I’m a petite white woman. Someone might cuss me, but no cops would be called. No one would shoot me without a second thought.
That stayed with me the entire slow walk home. #BlackLivesMatter. My neighborhood in minority majority lower middle class. Most of my neighbors are black. They are great fun people. We interact on a positive level, help each other out as we can or is needed, then pretty much stay out of each other’s business.
Black Lives Matter people. Right now, we need to come forth and stand up to say Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Are Important. Black Lives Are Vital. The violence must stop.
I want my neighbor Chris to be able to chase after his adorable pup Porkchop just like I did, without fear of being killed for trying to find his beloved dog.
I love femsplain and I have been a paying member for a while now. If you’ve read me for a while, I’m sure that you’ve seen me talk about the need to pay writers, bloggers, podcasters and the content creators of the internet their worth. You probably know that I have flirted with going behind a paywall many times. A femsplain membership of $5 a month gets you great content from a diverse collection of writers, the slack channel, #AskAFemsplainer Q&A’s like this one that I am doing on Polyamory, and the good vibes of being part of a positive community.
Femsplain pays their writers. Now, I could get more selling my essays to other publications, but most of those are feminist sites run by larger corporations that don’t really give a fuck. I lose a lot of control over my words, which are all personal stories. It’s a gamble that I’ve learned the hard way isn’t always the best choice.
Now, if that five dollars is five that you cannot lose – I get it and I’m there with you. Every penny counts for my family right now.
I ask you to please head over to Femsplain, look at what a membership includes, remember that you’ll also be supporting me as I will have some articles up there in the near future on a number of topics, and give Femsplain a shot. This is what the future of the internet looks like, and it’s pretty cool.
Once you’re a member, head over to #AskAFemsplainer and fill the comments with all of the questions you’ve had about poly. I’m going to do my very best to answer as many as possible!
Thank you for supporting me, thank you for supporting great content, thank you for understanding how vital it is that we are paid for our work, because writing is work.
Good work not just for me, but work that allows me to change the world one tiny bit at a time. Work where I get fan mail, letters from people who are kind enough to share how I’ve helped them. I write, I support, I speak, I give time and myself to causes larger than I. I’m doing the work of my dreams. My peers in this work of my dreams are idols turned friends, larger than life stars, brilliant revolutionaries all around me. Who wouldn’t be happy with that?
Why would I want to squander a moment of that joy – this is my year of Joyful – on petty battles. On underhanded moves to make a bad situation worse? I wouldn’t, I didn’t. We didn’t.
I have plans for the first time in too long. Joyous and terrifying. I’m going on stages to speak truth, to educate, amuse, connect via shared experience in person. Face fears large and small. I am Mighty.
My home life has been wonderful. As our kids have moved into being independent amazing people. They allow me some space to be creative again, they inspire my creativity. We play, we learn, we jointly clean up the messes and make our house a home. Of course, as our family is spread across many households, we don’t see them as often as we’d like, but there was a wonderful peaceful path towards a reasonable change. A path where we can start building trust and moving past the past. We all have different lives that work better for us. We’re in places we need to be. All I want is for that to continue. I want interaction across the biological lines. We may never be close friends, but I am on the path of peace. A path where all our children and our children’s extended siblings are benefitted. Where they get important lessons and experiences at different homes, because those experiences combined are going to make amazing adults who are ready for the complexities of the world. They need all of us, and of course we all need them.
My path is the one that leads me through doing beautiful, messy, and at times scary work. Where I leave my mark on the world, hopefully one that lasts. The path of peace between co-parents, where we all are on the same page that we all want what is best for them and are coming from a place of that desire. A path of flexibility and openness. Without secrets and shame.