The Realities of my life have changed
While I wasn’t posting, while I was getting myself better and healing my family as much as possible, I was also weighing heavy decisions about what to do with…this. #OrgasmQuest changed my life in many ways. Many amazing ways, also many difficult ones. Certainly changed my interactions with social media. It has taken time and distance to sort these out. It has taken a lot of deep thought on how I want to proceed. Who I want to be next. Now that people are paying attention to what I have to say – I feel compelled to speak.
The things I want to talk about from here on out do not always work together. It has taken me a while to sort out, but I’ve decided to split myself to a degree. CristaAnne, this site, is going to be me. Rainbow Revolutionary, a site that is starting to come together will be the home of #OrgasmQuest 2.0, my sexuality writing and activism. Once I had the domain, the changes started to click together for me.
The hardest question was how would I make this change known?
In the various professional groups I’m in I’ve watched how a number of successful folks rolled out new sites, new training programs, new directions for their brands. So many wonderful friends and peers gave me their advice on how to shift branding and I soaked up all their brilliance.
Overall, the theme was to get both sites done – then roll out a contest or giveaway to celebrate. Which is an excellent way to go about building a brand and business. Which is how I started to plan this out. Get everything ready & rainbowed – then make a splash with RainbowRevolutionary at Woodhull.
V worked fucking magic resurrecting the content from one of my earlier sex blogs – PinkSexGeek – and loaded it as back content for Rainbow. That content is all 6-8 years old, and much of it is *adorable* in my baby sex geekdom. My love Cooper and I started talking a bit about design and trading design skills for social media skills. Things were going along nicely.
There was one problem though…
I am not slick marketing or even all that together. My plans were coming together nicely, but they quickly started to feel decidedly not me. My work needs to feel like me or things start to fall apart. When my work feels inauthentic – for any reason – I begin to develop anxiety complexes around it. Those anxiety complexes can become vast and insurmountable in an astonishingly quick amount of time.
If there were awards for speed and complexity of creating these complexes, I’d have shelves of trophies.
A huge part of getting better for me is to work very hard on not setting myself up for failure. Another trophy worthy skill of mine. Very quickly I could see the small ways that is was setting myself up and how they were about to become big issues.
So, I’m doing this my way – Like everything else.
I’m wildly successful when I do things my way so I should probably run with that. I’m approaching 20 years of oversharing, 20 years of being openly a mess online. The awesome thing I have learned is that pretty much everyone else is just as much of a mess, they’re just better at covering that. They’re more comfortable covering their messiness, and I am more comfortable sharing it.
The Shaming of Feelings Isn’t Helping Anyone – Credit lora mathis
CristaAnne, this site, will be my radical softness and open vulnerability. After expressing myself this way for 20 years, this is how I process. Over the last year, when I did not feel safe using this tool, was the most disconnected I’ve felt from myself. So I’m using it.
This is my messy life, my messy brain, my messy fumbling though adulthood and parenting. Trial and error, stops and starts, victories and fuckups. Be the change you want to see in the world. This is what I want to see in the world. Less glossy perfection, less hiding of scars, hiding the broken bits that we all have. My power has always been tied to the fact that I am comfortable talking about the every day experiences were supposed to hide. I have this skill because I’m not good at hiding things.
So I’m going to overshare creating Rainbow as I overshare everything else. I will continue my policy of no comment sections, but goodness knows I am easily reachable across the net. When I’m looking for feedback, I’ll put a contact form at the bottom so you can interact with me. I love hearing from and interacting with people – but the internet needs to grow up and learn manners again before I begin to think about comments.
So, your choice. You can watch me sort myself out as I come back to life, or you can just pop in when I’ve gotten something figured out. May not be the expert way to do things, but it’s mine and I’m comfortable with that.