My pain is not polished.

This post was written in October, 2016 – when I was positive we’d have Madam President right now and the “Grab em by the Pussy” tape had just leaked. On this day of protests, strikes, backlash, dudes being absurd man babies because something isn’t about them, and that this horrible monster is president, I’m reposting the piece in full, but you can see the orginal Medium post here.

No, I am not done yet. Nowhere near done.

I am going to continue to dump my intense fury, very raw pain and oh my stars y’all. The disillusionment. I *knew* that sexism would crawl out from under rocks like racism did with President Obama, I’ve been steeling myself for it. Assumed that as I interact with MRAs I’d be ahead of the curve.

I did not see being gaslighted by a large portion of my government, elected officials, writers I once respected, the nominee of the Republican party. I do not use the term gaslighting lightly either. (Few people I know do, but I know I’m facing the trope of the liberal feminist killjoy.) Since Friday I have been yelling at my screens, tweeting at people pleading to stop using victim blaming framing… Read More

Over your shit.

Surviving Life in Limbo

Life in limbo is not my strongest suit.

#MedicatedandMighty selfie

#MedicatedandMighty selfie

I declared 2016 to be the year of Joyful. After the unending horror show of 2015, devastating our world so completely it will never be the same again, I declared this year would be joy. I would find joy in my work, in my home life, in the wonderfulness that is being Partnered to my love. Recovering joy and recovering hope for the future.

One of the biggest reasons I felt hopeful was that on the first of the year, I finally had comprehensive health insurance for the first time in years. Regular therapy again. Seeing my doctor to get on the meds that help both my mental and physical illness so that I could work my way into being even more functional. I did a fantastic job on my own, but I do need meds to help me get where I want to go. Especially because I have had extreme pain in my lower abdomen – the consensus was that the hypothesized early endometriosis had gotten worse and I’d need laparoscopy to take care of that. Grabbed the first available appointment with my amazing GP and off we went.

Routine labs because it had been years since I’ve had a physical or the like. Started some meds for fibro, anxiety and depression. All good. Joyful here I come. I was so thrilled, finally I was getting back to my version of “better”. It was within reach again.

Then I needed to come back for another quick test. My nurse brushed it off as no big deal, they just wanted to run something else and needed more urine. Since I always need to pee, no big deal. Didn’t really give it a second thought.

The first depression med we tried obviously wasn’t working for me, so I grabbed a spot on the schedule just before my Partner so we could make changes. Routine stuff right?

Nope.

Some of my labs come back with concerning results. We sit down and talk more about my various symptoms – a majority I’ve chalked up to living with fibro. Here, pee in a cup again. Everyone’s body language changes. My nurse is patting me kindly. My doctor is offering hugs. This is wonderful for me, but alarm bells go off because I’ve been sick all my life. When the doctor wants to hug you, shit has gone wrong.

Shit has gone wrong. The fuckton of tests that have been run have alarming results and quick checks in my now three-hour routine visit continue to be alarming. “The most likely cause for all this is cancer.”

My Doctor is hugging me with a very sad look on her face.

“Likely cancer” and diagnosed with cancer are obviously two very different things. There are a bunch of really unpleasant tests that need to be done between now and then, all of which are currently waiting for fucking authorization from insurance. Of course, then Epic Snow shut down the east coast, so I’ve been told it will take longer than usual.

We just spent the last year embroiled in one of the most vicious custody battles one can imagine. My professional career has been used against us in court to our detriment. The outcome of The Madness was almost the worst it could be. Our family has been ripped apart. I’ve been in one of the worst depressive cycles of my adult life.

I fucking clawed my way back up from that hell though. We got married. I was headed into my year of joy. Get this medical stuff out-of-the-way and I was going to take off. I have workshops to plan. Podcasts to be on. Blogger Outreach and planning for the ’16 Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit. Articles to write. #OrgasmQuest to get going again. I have shit to do.

“Likely Cancer”

This fucking stopped me in my tracks. Even if it isn’t cancer, there is something very wrong going on. The testing process alone is going to be harrowing, trust me – I’ve been through the gamut of testing most of my life. Now, to wait an unknown period of time before we can even begin that because of the goddamn storm.

This is too much. #IamMighty and I am a freaking Superhero. A Rainbow Colored Pleasure Revolutionary. While I am sweet and kind – I’m also tough as shit. Even freaking Superheroes hit their limit and this is mine. Even more limbo. Even more of my life and future completely out of my hands right now.

So here is the deal. This sex blog is pretty deviod of sexy now. As soon as I possibly can I want to fix that. Throwing myself into writing, throwing myself into talking about sex toys, throwing myself into my continued #OrgasmQuest is the way I’ll get through this.

It’s coming, but I’m not there yet. I’m still rocked and semi paralyzed by living in limbo. Overwhelmed by yet another crisis on the horizon. I have no idea what is coming next, but somehow I’ll survive this as well.

I’m doing the best I can. Thank you for sticking by me.

“Working with a Sandbox” #lubegate

If you’re reading this site, I assume that you’ve heard about Ronda Rousey’s Oh So Very Bad It Makes The Baby Jesus Butt Plug Cry lubricant “advice”. On the off-chance that you missed it, in response to the question “What should a guy ALWAYS do in bed?” she said, in part:  “What should a guy always do? Take his time. In general, a girl takes a minute. He needs to get her ready. You should never need lube in your life. If you need lube, then you’re being lazy…and you’re not taking your time.”

Many folks have written excellent responses on why this advice is at best unhelpful and overall harmful. Some of the best quotes can be found in this Salon piece by Rachel Kramer Bussel. Personally I didn’t write anything as my awesome peers had it covered.

Then Ronda Rousey’s response to the criticism her words received hit my radar, and they beg a response. First: her response via the web series “Embedded”…

“We were in a world of openly accepting lubeness until I came on,” Rousey said. “I’m sorry, I thought I was doing all the girls a favor, making sure that their guys put in some effort. But it sounded like some gritty kitty b—–s are really f—-n’ mad at me. I’m like, ‘It’s not my fault you’re working with a sandbox.'”

First off, the world is not openly accepting of “lubeness”. Over years of adult retail let me tell you that while lube is finally getting the respect it deserves considering how vital its use often is, it’s not even close to being accepted. Most of my customers were ashamed they were buying lube. Telling them they are lazy for needing it? You’re making it worse. STAHP!

You are not “doing all the girls a favor” when you paint with such wide strokes that they’re all in hetero-ish relationships. You are not “doing all the girls a favor” by freaking calling us girls. You were not doing anyone any favors suggesting that lube = lazy. You’re only peddling incorrect sexual information as fact and compounding sexual shame. That helps no one.

No one.

While I did not write something before this, I’m going to firmly identify myself as one of the “Gritty Kitty Bitches” who is really fucking mad at Ronda Rousey. I’m also going to firmly identity as a person “working with a sandbox”. Oh yeah, I’m rocking vaginal dryness. It’s a side effect, along with anorgasmia, sleepiness, and dry mouth, of my medication. Even before medication, I’m simply not a person who has ever created a ton of “natural lubrication”. This glorious “sandbox” has always been dry, but those who get to play here put forth a ton of effort and good times are had by all. With lube.

Many of my lovers have worried that my vaginal dryness was a reflection on them. Not at all. Like millions of other people, I just don’t get super wet even at my most aroused. It’s the way I work. It’s fine, I come equipped (heh) with a variety of wonderful lubricants to make sure all involved have glorious fun. It’s no big deal.

Again. No big deal.

That *points up* is not how you deal with criticism. Especially when you were in the wrong. You know, I can see the point she wanted to make that the male readers should put more effort into foreplay. I like the message of taking more time. It’s the heaping pile of shame and bad information that she topped that message with that everyone took issue with. The folks who raised their voices in response to horribly bad info reaching millions of people are all excellent educators who know what they are talking about. Calling them (us) names because we want accurate and non-shaming information in the mainstream?

Unacceptable.

This is my REALLY annoyed face.

This is my REALLY annoyed face.

So please, Ms Rousey, consult an actual sex educator when answering your next round of sexuality questions. We actually know what we’re talking about when it comes to sex.

/end annoyed rant

CristaAnne.com breaks into the Top Ten Sex Blogging Superheroes of 2015!!

So proud of my little blog that could…

#MedicatedandMighty selfie

#MedicatedandMighty 

When introducing myself in panels, workshops or in interviews I’ll often call myself “a professional oversharer who has blogged since long before the term “blog” even existed.” Starting with angelfire sites in the late 90’s and then LiveJournal, blogger and other platforms – writing online has been a natural comfort zone for my ambiverted self. As I moved through my journey of self discovery I tried out many urls and personas, looking for the perfect fit. Eventually it was obvious that I was most comfortable as myself, so I picked up this domain with the intention of it being a small personal blog and writing outlet.

About a year ago I began writing more about my battles with depression and PTSD which quickly turned into #OrgasmQuest. My little blog that could had worldwide media attention, my life changed permanently. When The Madness hit our life (the custody battle that consumed most of this year) I had to back off posting here for many reasons. For months this site was almost exclusively instagram posts and very sporadic brief updates while we made our way through our worst fears come to life.

While I was unable to speak about my life in a public way, you amazing folks stuck with me. Love and support flowed our way through and after the worst of the worst – I am forever grateful. Right as I began to return to the world, Kinkly launched their Top 100 Sex Blogging Superheroes of 2015 contest. Shamelessly I courted votes without a ton of expectations, my life and thus my writing had not been very sexy. My goal was top fifty, my hope was top twenty-five.

When the results were released a few days ago, I almost dropped my pad.

The Top 100 Sex Blogging Superheroes of 2015:

  1. The Black Pomegranate
  2. The Redhead Bedhead
  3. A Sexy Woman of a Certain Age
  4. Oh Joy, Sex Toy
  5. Girly Juice
  6. Crista Anne (!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
  7. Hey Epiphora
  8. Girl Boner
  9. Slutty Girl Problems
  10. The Ins and Outs

The rest of the Top 100

Crista Anne bills herself as a “rainbow-colored pleasure revolutionary.” We love that slogan as much as her bold writing on sex, depression and everything in between.

Credit where credit is due, my moniker of “Rainbow-colored Pleasure Revolutionary” was bequeathed to me by Carol Queen in the Good Vibes #OrgasmQuest interview. It’s perfect. When my writing is praised as being bold and unique – my goals have been achieved.

It’s taken me a few days to find words of gratitude. 2015 has been the hardest, most painfully soul wrenching year of my life. The darkness that covered so much of this year got the best of me more often than I care to admit. While I count down the days to the end of ’15 so I can put this horrific year behind me, this recognition means a great deal.

Thank you.

Derailment and Perspective

Shortly after I posted the Tracy Chapman song earlier I went to go lie down with my toddler. He’s having trouble sleeping, so I was hoping that both of us could catch a little nap and be in good spirits for the afternoon. Almost as soon as I turned off the lights, calmed him from turning off his paddy, and we got snuggly together – I heard sirens.

Now, we live off a busy street so sirens are rather common, but after a minute or two I realized it sounded like they were coming from the next room. Getting up to investigate, I reached the door as a firefighter was approaching to tell me that the house next door was burning and they’d like us to evacuate as a precaution. Kiddo and I threw on coats and headed to another neighbor’s yard where I bounced a terrified mini me on my back for twenty minutes while making small talk to try to cover the terror of possibly losing our house.

We got the all clear, kiddo got a sucker from one of the fire fighters for being brave and for thanking them for not letting his house burn down “cause all my McQueens live in there”. Kiddo checked out the fire trucks but was still too worried to climb in after being offered the chance. It was a “medium” fire caused by a short in the bathroom fan next door.

Still, scary as fuck.

The rest of the afternoon was spent soothing kiddo, I think my spine is about to snap in two from how many back rides I gave him. Complete derailment of what was planned to be a very busy day, but this derailment comes with needed perspective. My wonderful, messy, colorful home is in one piece. Magically my stress over how messy my office and kiddo’s bedroom is has vanished. (Messy, but not a fire hazard.) Now that life has calmed down, I’m less panicked from a massively panic inducing situation, and so incredibly grateful for what I have. Also very thankful no one was home or injured next door, as the neighbors had just moved in and I’ve yet to really meet them.

I have happiness to express about this little blog that could landing higher than I fathomed on the Sex Blogger Superheroes list, a bit of shameless self promotion on other projects, and a bit of news on #OrgasmQuest. Looks like most of those will be pushed to a later time. Now I just want my beloved XVO to get home so we can spend a quiet evening in our wonderfully not fire damaged house.

Perspective, it hits when you most need it sometimes.

Life Goal Completed – I Am a SheVibe Superhero

#OrgasmQuest has gone so far beyond my wildest dreams. Interviewed by Carol Queen. Front page of a number of my favorite sites and blogs. New wonderful friends. Now. Now I’m a Motherfucking SheVibe Superhero and I can cross another item off my list of Life Goals. BEHOLD! Continue reading

Crista Anne on #OrgasmQuest–the Carol Queen Interview!

My longtime readers are well aware of this, but for all you wonderful new people, Carol Queen is my idol. Since I discovered her work over a decade ago, my ultimate dream has been to do and put out work that earned her respect. I do mean ultimate dream, it’s what I would have wished for first if I found a magic lamp.

That dream has come true: Carol Queen calls me a “rainbow-colored pleasure revolutionary!”

Everyone who does any sort of sex education or sex therapy has probably heard from people who have issues with orgasm and/or arousal once they go on antidepressants. It’s a terrible conundrum: Sexual dysfunction can itself be an effect of––even diagnostic for––depression, but the treatment for that depression alters brain chemistry and often results in sexual problems too. Blogger Crista Anne is fighting back! With her project #OrgasmQuest she’s shedding light both on depression and sexual response, and her wise words are being heard in perhaps-suprising places: She was interviewed last week by Dr. Drew, got some love from Cosmo, and of course the usual sex-positive and feminist and lady-culture suspects have talked to her too. Now it’s my turn!

Read the Rest at Good Vibes blog

I have so much more to say on this entire experience, but my Mommy Duty calls! While I’m being super Mama, check out my wonderful #OrgasmQuest sponsor, Good Vibes. They are dear to my heart and have had a vital role in my development from Wee Outlaw Dildo Peddler to Rainbow Hued Badass.

I really don’t know what to say about today – #OrgasmQuest

IT HAPPENED TO ME: Antidepressants Took 10939304_10100272963221692_999743026_o (1)Away My Ability to Orgasm, So I Started a Public Quest to Get Them Back

I find it completely unacceptable that I must give up my life hack, my masturbatory orgasm, in order to fully enjoy being alive.

As you may have noticed on twitter, my xojane piece hit today. While I love what I wrote, I’m going to ride this wave of honesty to tell you that I regret doing it. In the end, it wasn’t worth it.

Wee Crista, budding Crista, she clung to Sassy and Jane before she moved up to Bitch and Bust. Pitched an “It happened to me” mostly because that budding girl I remember would have been amazed that her words hit one of their publications.

To be clear, all of my interactions with the folks working at xojane have been wonderful. No complaints about them at all.

Their readers? Their readers have behaved in an unacceptable way. The trolling, snark and pearl clutching in the comments didn’t bother me. I’ve done this a very long time, I know what to expect from comment sections. Until now, the comment sections on articles about Quest have been beautiful. So xojane has a lot of snark in their comments. I’m not a huge fan of that method of communication, but hey, to each their own.

I have received more hate mail and threats since that post went live than I have in years. The last times I had death and rape threats in my inbox were when dealing with MRAs and Anti-choicers. I refuse to give them any more attention than the time it takes to make copies and then remove them from my line of sight, certainly am not going to post them here.

Just going to say that people have gone so far as to threaten my children. You don’t want to fathom the level of Mother Rage that has brought up in me. They do not seem dangerous, not anything yet that signals real danger, but holy fuck. Do not threaten my kids.

Across the board, these threats are all attempts to scare me back into “my place”. That won’t work. You are only going to make me louder.

I’m really disappointed and sad. This was supposedly a feminist audience. My utter disgust with Privileged White Feminism has only grown.

Sad for the budding me who would have found this so awesome, and then be utterly crushed. I’m not her anymore, this doesn’t crush me, but I feel her sadness within me.

This is the only time I think I’ll mention this acticle for a while. I do not blame xojane the company, they were all lovely to work with, but their readers..I don’t know what to say.

Oh look, I’m on the cover. I really wish that made me happy. Instead I am dreading looking at my email. When I say it’s scary out there for a woman and that I’ve been low profile by design. This is why.

 

 

This is Important – Help Self Serve Sexuality Resource Center

Perhaps last night you were able to read my very long post, A Combination of #OrgasmQuest & Blogging as Therapy. It covers how I got to where I am now, from a mute shell of a person to fierce I AM MIGHTY! Most of that change was due to discovering my passions in life, the biggest being working in sex-positive spaces selling sex toys. Eventually I will have my store so I can go back to that love, and when I do it will be modeled off the members of the Progressive Pleasure Club shops.

One of my favorite of those shops, Self Serve Sexuality Resource Center, is facing a crisis that I know all too well. When I was working in stores, they were vandalized often. Sometimes by drunks just being drunken bags of toxic dildos, other times by folks who wanted to scare us out of operation. Something similar just happened to Self Serve, and they’ve started a Go Fund Me to try to recover the costs of the vandalization as well as install security cameras to hopefully stop this from happening again.

From the Go Fund Me Page:

Self Serve is a sex-positive alternative to the old-school adult store. We believe sex is healthy and pleasure is good for you. Since 2007 we have created safe space for people to explore their desires and discover endless possibilities for pleasure and healing.
AND we’re having a hard time keeping our space safe from vandalism.

In August of 2014, someone kicked in our front door and broke another one of our windows. A few days later, they shoved a hose through our mailbox and flooded the store. Thankfully because it was August in New Mexico it dried quickly, but our floor is now warped and damaged. In December of 2014 somebody broke the glass door again and while we were waiting for replacement glass to arrive they kicked it in again and caused more damage. On Monday January 19th a rock was shot through our front window. A few days later on Thursday January 22nd (while store owner Matie was in the store), another rock was shot through the window. It came through the window like a bullet and was honestly terrifying. We believe it was shot from a high powered sling shot or other trajectory device because the rock broke on impact and a small rock caused big damage. We feel like our store is not safe at night when we leave.
We feel we need to protect the store so that we can provide safe space for our community and staff.
Each instance of vandalism costs about $1000 to fix. Some are more, some are less, but typically this is an unexpected huge bill. Our insurance deductible is $1000, and because it is challenging to access insurance in a sex related field, it doesn’t make sense to file claims for the $200-$300 we could collect per claim. We feel like we are treading water, and the carrying costs of this harm are almost overwhelming our small business. This is a pivotal time of year for Self Serve because of the upcoming Valentine’s season. Every dollar we put into repairs is one dollar less we can invest into inventory for our busiest time of the year.
Replacing our glass windows with Plexiglass will make it harder to vandalize our small business. Adding surveillance cameras to our exterior could make it possible to catch the individual causing us harm in the act. The cost of both of these projects is not something we can afford to do without help.

Can you help us?

We plan on getting quotes from local companies in the next few weeks to replace the windows with plexiglass, replace our vinyl window coverings, and outfit the outside of our business with cameras. If you have ideas about best practices in this situation please email matie@selfservetoys.com

If you can – Please help

Crista Anne is Mighty

#OrgasmQuest Interview in Cosmo – It’s so Good I Proposed to the Author

So, I’m going to be honest here, I’ve not been a fan of Cosmopolitan, for all the reasons you can probably guess. I felt they were feeding the monster of our culturally unrealistic expectations for women across the board. Have been so vocally anti-cosmo that someone sent me a subscription as a joke and I spent a year mocking the articles on my facebook. From then on, I paid no attention to the magazine or the website.

So when a little birdie in the from of Rachel Kramer Bussel said that Cosmo would be reaching out to me about an interview, I seriously considered not doing it. Didn’t think they were a good venue for my story, I was concerned they would twist my words for sensationalism, that #OrgasmQuest would be clickbait and nothing more. However, Rachel told me that she was friends with Lane Moore, their online Sex & Relationships editor who would be doing the interview, I opted to trust her and do it.

The minute Lane and I started talking, I was thrilled I listened to Rachel. Lane is wonderful. Fucking wonderful. The interview was glorious, and by the end of our chat I had some serious journalist crush going on. This week has been just a little busy for me  – *manic laughter here* – so I had not even looked at Cosmopolitan.com. After my interviews for the day, I checked them out and was astounded. This was not the Cosmo I remembered. Articles on consent culture, queerness, life outside the gender binary.

I spent most of my day in an awesome photoshoot where the best pictures of me I’ve ever seen were taken, as soon as it wrapped I opened my laptop at the exact moment Lane emailed me to let me know the interview was live. After reading it, I may have proposed marriage. Lane accepted, we’re now planning a Rainbow Glitter Queer as Fuck wedding. Maybe we’ll meet in person first, maybe not. Yunno, I roll with whatever.

Here is a snippet from the interview, then click the read more to get all the wonderful. Click share to spread the glorious. Then keep reading and be as amazed as I am because y’all? Cosmopolitan.com is 1000% different.

Is your partner helping in your orgasm quest or is it just you by yourself?
My partner Val, he’s everything. He’s involved with virtually everything I do. As far as my masturbation is concerned, my masturbation is a solo thing. That’s just me.

How often do sex toys come into play? Are you mostly using them?
I mostly use sex toys. I actually have a Hitachi Magic Wand in my hand at this moment in time.

[Laughs] Are you masturbating right now?
I am not masturbating right now, because trust me, you would hear this thing. It’s not even plugged in. I do use sex toys every time. One of the many benefits about the deep vibration that come from a Magic Wand is that it’s a vibration that not only stimulates the clitoral head and the clitoral lobe, but all of the clitoral nerves that are spreading through the vulva, and use of a few strong vibration repeatedly over time can, and I want to emphasize the “can” there, can help turn back on those nerves. And so what I am experiencing, I’ve been using the Magic Wand for about 15 minutes every day, and I went from not having orgasms to two and a half, three weeks later, to starting to have the vaginal-contracting orgasms. Like, I’m not feeling the orgasm in my brain or through my body, but I am having the vaginal contractions. And then the last time I used it, my legs wobbled. So I’m getting there. It’s going to be a process.

Meet the Mom Who’s Fighting Her Depression With an Orgasm a Day

I also really loved that the article closes with this from me: “I didn’t stop being a sexual person when I had babies, and the stigma around moms having sex lives is bullshit. They have a happy mom who loves herself.

#OrgasmQuest Media Tour Info – How to listen, how to share your voice

Let’s do this: #OrgasmQuest Media Tour

I’m a busy Crista today, #OrgasmQuest is being covered multiple places. Here are quick links to where you can listen and how you can add your voice to the conversation:

Of course, you can always reach me via my Contact Page. Today I will be slower than usual in response. Thank you in advance for your understanding.

Missed #OrgasmQuest on Dr Drew? Here’s a clip

I’ll write a more in-depth post about this tomorrow, but I’m proud of this part of the show with Dr Drew. Proud of all of it really.

Oh! And I’ll be on his radio show tomorrow: 12:15pm pacific, 3:15pm eastern

#OrgasmQuest Update: @Tantus Is Now An OrgasmQuest Sponsor!

 

Tantus Joins the Good Clean Fun going on here as an #OrgasmQuest Sponsor!

Metis Black has been my mentor and fairy-dildo mother since I was but a wee outlaw dildo peddler, so it only makes sense that Tantus has joined the #OrgasmQuest Sponsor Team. This is absolutely thrilling news for me and for #OrgasmQuest.

Peyton, their absolutely delightful Affiliate Manager, tells me that a delightful box of body safe, premium silicone  surprises is on its way to my door. The moment they arrive, I’ll gleefully document each and every product in my own bright way.

On the off-chance that Tantus is new to you, I’d like to quote from their page about their founding so you understand why I have always supported this company:

Tantus was born from the hope and aspiration to make the lives of people throughout the world fun, worthwhile, and enjoyable. To make ordinary people smile, and challenge the ethos of an industry to bring what everyone truly desires – Sexual Happiness.

Metis Black began making sexual wellness products in late 1997; beautifully hand-poured creations, flaunting enticing colors, requiring hours of sculpting, prototyping and testing, in order to devise a unique and anatomically targeted product. At the time, all silicone products were made using a tin based silicone, common in mold making, but whose base material contained white filler. Black wanted something truly different. She helped develop a process using the highest grades of silicone, of a far superior quality than other industry rivals to create her own unique and pure formula. Not only to be found in small boutiques, but made available to a mass market.

“Here was silicone, the safest material for soft sex toys and you had to be an ‘in the know’ feminist in a big city to know about it. It was my mission to change that. After we got into those markets that were already selling silicone, the already evangelized, we started hitting companies that didn’t know about it.”

Quality and education were the vital and evolving roles of Tantus. Black immersed herself amongst an industry so institutionalized in their practices, (never considering the health consequences of using cheap materials), that evoking sexual health and education was no easy task to bear. She envisioned a product that could derive pleasure and satisfaction, but that was also healthy for the body that people could feel confident in using

It’s been seventeen years since that vision took hold, and Tantus is now thriving more than ever before.

But wait! There’s more!

Tantus is offering a 15% your entire purchase with the use of the discount code “#OrgasmQuest”!!

So clear your web browser cookies and then click one of this beautiful banner to take advantage of this generous offer! Of course, if you’re overwhelmed with your options, please reach out to me via my Contact Page. We can set up time to go over their products using my expertise earned from years of working in sex toy retail. 

Use discount code "#OrgasmQuest" to get 15% off your entire order!

Use discount code “#OrgasmQuest” to get 15% off your entire order!

 

Rainbow Holidays!

To soften the blow of losing, I bring you two awesome articles…

Yes, I cried about football. I has feels.

Yes, I cried about football. I has feels.

Oh football, how you break my heart. As you’ve possibly seen on twitter, I’m having strong football feels. When the Packers season ends I usually don’t know what to do with myself for a while. As I’ve said before, I have sportsball feels. I absolutely loathe the NFL, but I love my Packers. Over the NFL season I live on Deadspin, most of what I listen to as I go about my day is sports podcasts. Once the Packers aren’t playing? I don’t care anymore. Normally there is an odd void for a while until I find something else to occupy my time.

This year is different! I can combat that crushing defeat with focusing more of my time on my work. #OrgasmQuest has gone viral, which I am beyond thrilled about. Yes, of course, I am all about Shameless Self Promotion. It isn’t just “YAY I’m popular!” – The columns and articles about #OrgasmQuest have been positive. The comment sections have been wonderful. You could knock me over with a feather there. I’m so very used to being shredded to bits in comment sections, which is why for a while this site didn’t offer them, but they are full of people sharing their experiences. Sharing their struggles. Some their victories. (Oh, and there was thread derail on the Jezebel article when we started to talk about eyeshadow. Thrilling!)

Over the weekend I’ve received messages from people around the globe sharing their stories of how mental illness has affected their sexuality. Tried to respond to every one of them because I am deeply honored that they are willing to open up to me. Much like my days in sex toy retail, I take the trust that my customers, clients and readers place in me very seriously. No one has been comfortable with being quoted, but people are starting to share via the #OrgasmQuest hashtag. As I said on twitter, I don’t “own” that hashtag, I invite others to use it as well. The stigma that surrounds these issues needs to be busted. Sharing is a way of healing for many.

Now, I have two more wonderful articles to share with you:

Brave Mom Crista Anne Goes on OrgasmQuest to Fight Depression One Orgasm at a TimeBustle

OrgasmQuest isn’t about showing off, but rather, about helping to lift various stigmas, including those surrounding mental illness, which we all know are harmful and can prevent people from seeking the help they need. But what struck me about this project is how it clearly challenges the whole “women don’t masturbate myth.” Female masturbation is such a taboo to begin with that this mom’s commitment to exploring her body, and her ability to be so candid and public about it by writing about it on the internet is nothing short of courageous. While some nay-sayers might chastise her for daring to be a mom and post about sex at the same time (the horror!), I think I would have been proud to have a mom who was so open about sex and unafraid to talk about her struggles with mental illness.

Read the rest @ Bustle

Blogger Shares Her Struggle To Orgasm On AntidepressantsRefinery29

“I’ve been working in the sexuality field for 14 years, many of those were spent working in sex toy boutiques. Daily I was speaking to women who were struggling with loss of libido or anorgasmia from their medications,” she revealed. “Empathy went a long way in making them feel more comfortable… Everyday women would tell me how they had no idea this would happen, how they felt broken. Validating their feelings, giving them a safe space to share seemed to help them a great deal.”

Read the rest @ Refinery29

(PS Thank you Laura Hibbs McKenzie for using that photo of me, it’s one of my favorites.)

I would be remiss if I did not also thank my loves at SheVibe and Good Vibes for sponsoring #OrgasmQuest in the first place. Their support helped get this project off the ground and they have all my gratitude. Also, so much love to my dear friend Rachel Kramer Bussel for being the first to write about what I’m doing here. Her column on Philadelphia City Paper started it all. Thank you darling.