How to fight with your significant other

How to fight with your significant other:

Some couples set ground rules for their fights. For Crista, 33, of Richmond, Va., her basic rules with her partner are: no name-calling, no door-slamming and no walking away in the middle of a fight. They’ve also imposed brief periods of unplugging, which is challenging for two self-professed “Internet fiends,” so that they can be sure the other person is listening. “When one of us is talking about something sensitive or important, even if it’s just for a minute or two, the other shuts their laptop or puts the tablet down or out of view.”

Read the rest at the Washington Post by Rachel Kramer Bussel

Yes, part of why I’m sharing is because I was interviewed for the piece but also because I love the information and ideas contained within. I’m quoted as Crista, so this is me being me. Being able to disagree and argue is an important part of any relationship, romantic or not. V and I rarely have big fights and I attribute the rarity to the fact that we are constantly working on positive communication. Without positive communication and making sure the other feels heard is how we’ve come through these amazingly hard times as strong as ever.

Quick ‘n Dirty: Where To Find My Words Across The Web

A delightful part of getting back to work is that I get glorious opportunities to add my voice across the web on a variety of topics. One of my great lessons from going viral is that I am a much happier rainbow when my words are part of the story, not the story. Here is where to find my words across the web right now…

I believe these are all that have gone live, with a few more delightful links and projects to come soon. One more link before I’m off, signal boosting an excellent opportunity for emerging writers via Bitch.

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Bitch Media, for almost 20 years an independent, nonprofit feminist media organization, is pleased to announce the Bitch Media Fellowships for Writers, a series of three-month intensive writing fellowships whose goal is to develop, support, and amplify emerging, diverse voices in feminist, activist, and pop-culture media. The program will be directed by Bitch cofounder Andi Zeisler.

The four subject areas are:

  • Reproductive rights & justice
  • Pop-culture criticism
  • Technology
  • Global feminism

Head over to Bitch’s website for the rest of the details. I’m seriously considering applying for one of the Reproductive rights & justice.

Otherwise my darlings, it has been a stressful week for extended and chosen family. I’ve been a bit quiet while helping loves, but as things seem to be improving I’m looking forward to posting regularly.

Life Goal Completed – I Am a SheVibe Superhero

#OrgasmQuest has gone so far beyond my wildest dreams. Interviewed by Carol Queen. Front page of a number of my favorite sites and blogs. New wonderful friends. Now. Now I’m a Motherfucking SheVibe Superhero and I can cross another item off my list of Life Goals. BEHOLD! Continue reading

#OrgasmQuest on #GirlBoner Radio & Unboxing of @AshleyManta Love!

While I planned on writing a long piece tonight on a few topics about #OrgasmQuest, the day I had just wiped me completely out. Hopefully tomorrow I’ll have my words back, but now, they are gone. So! I’ve collected all the #selfies from my livetweeting the unboxing of Ashley Manta love for you to enjoy. But first…

#OrgasmQuest on Girl Boner Radio!!!

Another side effect of amitriptyline is dry mouth, which some days makes it really hard for me to speak. Journalists, this is part of why I ask for email interviews versus phone. (Also, my son takes me being on the phone as a personal affront.) Even though I am guzzling water before and through this interview, the dry mouth got me a few times which was frustrating. It’s really hard to make your mouth form words when it feels stuck together. Anyway! We got through it and had a fantastic chat. Really hope that August McLaughlin has me on again, because chatting with her is an absolute joy, one of the highlights of my week. Download the podcast here!

Now, on to the sex toy #selfies!

Want some of these glorious items? Clear your cookies and then click below, the Tantus Duke, Feeldoe Slim, Realdoe, and Echo are all featured above. Also, you can get a Realdoe in the slim size! As Tantus is glorious, 15% off your purchase with the code #OrgasmQuest.

Use discount code "#OrgasmQuest" to get 15% off your entire order!

Use discount code “#OrgasmQuest” to get 15% off your entire order!

I Swing into Life on the Swingset podcast with #OrgasmQuest

#OrgasmQuest takes over Life on the Swingset!!

swingsetthumb“The Swingset welcomes back Crista Anne to discuss her recent commitment to herself; to find a path back to self-orgasm through once a day masturbation. Through her very personal and public #OrgasmQuest Crista is documenting her navigation through life-long depression, antidepressants, self-care, living and loving life and parenting and today she shares it all with us, and we share our stories with her.”

On a personal note, over the last few months the Swingset Crew (as I like to think of them) have become some of my dearest friends. While I have been a fan of the podcast for a long time, only recently have we connected personally & professionally to make some really fantastic content & conversations. This is by far my favorite podcast that I’ve done. Let me give you a peek behind the scenes.. Continue reading

Rainbow Holidays!

To soften the blow of losing, I bring you two awesome articles…

Yes, I cried about football. I has feels.

Yes, I cried about football. I has feels.

Oh football, how you break my heart. As you’ve possibly seen on twitter, I’m having strong football feels. When the Packers season ends I usually don’t know what to do with myself for a while. As I’ve said before, I have sportsball feels. I absolutely loathe the NFL, but I love my Packers. Over the NFL season I live on Deadspin, most of what I listen to as I go about my day is sports podcasts. Once the Packers aren’t playing? I don’t care anymore. Normally there is an odd void for a while until I find something else to occupy my time.

This year is different! I can combat that crushing defeat with focusing more of my time on my work. #OrgasmQuest has gone viral, which I am beyond thrilled about. Yes, of course, I am all about Shameless Self Promotion. It isn’t just “YAY I’m popular!” – The columns and articles about #OrgasmQuest have been positive. The comment sections have been wonderful. You could knock me over with a feather there. I’m so very used to being shredded to bits in comment sections, which is why for a while this site didn’t offer them, but they are full of people sharing their experiences. Sharing their struggles. Some their victories. (Oh, and there was thread derail on the Jezebel article when we started to talk about eyeshadow. Thrilling!)

Over the weekend I’ve received messages from people around the globe sharing their stories of how mental illness has affected their sexuality. Tried to respond to every one of them because I am deeply honored that they are willing to open up to me. Much like my days in sex toy retail, I take the trust that my customers, clients and readers place in me very seriously. No one has been comfortable with being quoted, but people are starting to share via the #OrgasmQuest hashtag. As I said on twitter, I don’t “own” that hashtag, I invite others to use it as well. The stigma that surrounds these issues needs to be busted. Sharing is a way of healing for many.

Now, I have two more wonderful articles to share with you:

Brave Mom Crista Anne Goes on OrgasmQuest to Fight Depression One Orgasm at a TimeBustle

OrgasmQuest isn’t about showing off, but rather, about helping to lift various stigmas, including those surrounding mental illness, which we all know are harmful and can prevent people from seeking the help they need. But what struck me about this project is how it clearly challenges the whole “women don’t masturbate myth.” Female masturbation is such a taboo to begin with that this mom’s commitment to exploring her body, and her ability to be so candid and public about it by writing about it on the internet is nothing short of courageous. While some nay-sayers might chastise her for daring to be a mom and post about sex at the same time (the horror!), I think I would have been proud to have a mom who was so open about sex and unafraid to talk about her struggles with mental illness.

Read the rest @ Bustle

Blogger Shares Her Struggle To Orgasm On AntidepressantsRefinery29

“I’ve been working in the sexuality field for 14 years, many of those were spent working in sex toy boutiques. Daily I was speaking to women who were struggling with loss of libido or anorgasmia from their medications,” she revealed. “Empathy went a long way in making them feel more comfortable… Everyday women would tell me how they had no idea this would happen, how they felt broken. Validating their feelings, giving them a safe space to share seemed to help them a great deal.”

Read the rest @ Refinery29

(PS Thank you Laura Hibbs McKenzie for using that photo of me, it’s one of my favorites.)

I would be remiss if I did not also thank my loves at SheVibe and Good Vibes for sponsoring #OrgasmQuest in the first place. Their support helped get this project off the ground and they have all my gratitude. Also, so much love to my dear friend Rachel Kramer Bussel for being the first to write about what I’m doing here. Her column on Philadelphia City Paper started it all. Thank you darling.

Shameless Self Promotion: Fact or Fiction Interview Series: Crista Anne of Dildology.org

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The Fact and Fiction Interview Series is a series of interviews that were conducted for an article that will be coming out soon, talking about the safety of different sexuality pleasure and health products. Not all are created equal; some come under more rigorous testing for safety and effectiveness while others are not, and therefore more likely to have issues in material or formulation. 

This interview is with Crista Anne, foundress of Dildology– a non-profit and third party tester of sex toy materials for known irritating and harmful ingredients. 

I fantasized about being able to test these items to find out what they were actually made of. Getting answers. 

Sexational!: First off, tell me a little bit about who you are- your background and why you do what you do.

Crista: I’m Crista Anne, I consider myself a progressive pleasurist with an extensive background working within the sex toy industry, sex-positive movement and advocating for pleasure based comprehensive sexual education. Former sex worker, buyer/manager of adult boutiques, long time sex blogger and foundress of Dildology.org. I’m passionate about sexual accessories, what incredible tools they are for improving relationships and quality of life through increased pleasure and sexual well-being.

Read the rest at Sexational

Aside

Things are rough here/Birthday!

Yes I know, the vibe is more effective a few feet lower.

Yes I know, the vibe is more effective a few feet lower.

Only stayed up till 3am working on this little love of mine. Progress is being made.

Everything should be mostly working, though most sections need a revamp and rewriting. Much of the copy was written when I was still deeply depressed – in a defiant stage – so there is that to do.

Tonight the baby that made me a Mom comes home as tomorrow is her birthday, She’s FIVE! Obviously, I won’t be online then. I’ll be working on being silly with her, for I am already on the cusp of being embarrassing. Hey! You there!

Mads is the kiddo who is the most like me, the most understanding that when I’m on my computer I’m working, and the most introverted. Maybe, if this isn’t too odd an request, leave a comment with a happy birthday or silly *VERY SAFE FOR WORK* cute animal meme? She’d be really thrilled.

While I am fixing things here, a few updates that will be expanded upon soon:

  • The full version of my interview for an upcoming magazine article is up on Sexational‘s website: Fact and Fiction Series: Interview with Crista Anne of Dildology.org
  • #OrgasmQuest has had ups, downs and everything in between. See what’s been going on from the twitter hashtag #OrgasmQuest
  • I’m planning on attending Woodhull Sexual Freedom Alliance in Aug. My plans are to belt out Bette Midler’s bathhouse repertoire theatrically at Metis Black, for she is a wonderful friend who indulges me.
  • Also, Finally, SERIOUSLY: Have you bought Erika Moen’s Oh Joy <3 Sex Toy book yet? No? DO IT HERE

<3 you all

-C