Reclaiming My Universe Creating Orgasm – #BOAW15 #OrgasmQuest

The long reclamation of my inner Sex Goddess

As my regular readers know – and now a good deal of the world – I’ve been on an #OrgasmQuest since December. Let me give a “quick” overview for any new readers: My identity has been in constant flux, ever-changing, but two things have been constants. I have Major Depressive Disorder and Empowered Sexuality. I came out of the womb depressed, but I also came out of the womb with a hand on my clitoris. Never shamed for exploring my body, I was taught early on that it was my “feeling good stuff”, it was a private experience and when I needed Feeling Good Stuff Time, I should do so in the privacy of my bedroom. This started my life long love of masturbation.

When I am in dark places due to my mental illness, I can orgasm as a way to remind myself that there are pleasurable feeling to be had. Not a cure for my depression, not a fix, but a tool that I’ve used as long as I can remember to keep myself going. My ability to find pleasure in the darkness saved me more times than I can count.

The added bonus from a lifetime of masturbation is that I have always been highly orgasmic. As an adult, I experienced orgasms that felt like touching the divine. While the label of my sexuality has often been in flux, that I am a highly sexual creäture has been a constant.

Five years ago I became a mother, which changed endless aspects of my life. It’s nearly impossible to feel sexy when your almost dying of sleep deprivation, covered in goodness knows what, your will overridden by that tiny person I created. Again, masturbatory orgasms helped me. I was able to remind myself that while everything else seemed to have dramatically changed, for a few moments I could be blissful.

After my second child, creating a life with my Partner-In-Everything, XVO, and adding his children into the mix – my depression became more than I could handle on my own. I found an amazing doctor and we decided to try an older antidepressant to help me. Oh, does it help me. On Amitriptyline for the first time in my life I truly enjoy being alive. My mental health is finally at a place where I can stay that I’m good.

The drawback is that one of the side effects is Anorgasmia – the inability to orgasm even with proper stimulation. This side effect affects countless people and there is a deep stigma about speaking aloud about how disruptive losing orgasm or libido can be on the entirety of someone’s life. So, I’m fighting back. This medication works on every other level, so I am uninterested in changing medications. I opted to go on a public #OrgasmQuest, and have invited anyone who is interested to read along with my journey.

This brings you up to speed on #OrgasmQuest, but Quest isn’t all that I am doing to reclaim my Sexual Goddess status. Motherhood, parenting, these are also huge stumbling blocks on the path to empowered sexuality. I am a queer woman in an open partnership, so I cultivate passionate friendships as I can. Make time for myself to be something other than Mama, stepping away from my motherhood role and passing the torch to the other parents in our world.

What does that look like for me? I revel in my beauty, my sexuality, through selfies. My career is that of a sexuality writer and educator – specializing in sex toys, so I write here in non explicit but frank terms about my masturbation and sex toy use. I put on elaborate makeup for myself, when I want to feel beautiful and empowered even though all I may do that day is write and clean the house. I make space for intimacy with my love. Flirt with trusted friends. As I work from home, I play with wild hair colors and vibrant clothing.

My universe creating orgasms have yet to fully return. Had one blissful evening when hormones overrode the side effects and I touched the divine again and again, but over all I’m not where I want to be. Most of my orgasms are physical now, vaginal contractions, wobbly legs, but my brain doesn’t experience the pleasure spike. This is progress though, and I have no plans on ending my Quest any time soon.

This may sound to woo” for some of my readers, I understand, it’s a little to woo for me too. However, I do feel a connection to Inanna, my personal spiritual path is close to that of paganism, and she is my Goddess. I am connected to the sacred whore and see myself as one. I refuse to lose this vital piece of my identity in exchange for finally having relief from most of my mental illness.

If you value pleasure, and I do make room for people who do not because that is a valid way to feel, I believe it is your birthright. I know that pleasure is mine, I revel in the pleasures that I can find now, and continue to fight to regain the fullness of my inner Sex Goddess.

Look! Awesomeness that isn’t the #Grammy’s! Vulva Coloring Book & Selfies. #NSFW

The Vaginatastic Coloring Book of Vulvas

Download A Vaginaful Coloring Book of Vulvas!
Book by , via Bluestockings Magazine

You’re welcome.

Now for #selfie randomness from the weekend. There is a lot going on, I’m too tired to write a real post, so – bam. Enjoy!

#OrgasmQuest on #GirlBoner Radio & Unboxing of @AshleyManta Love!

While I planned on writing a long piece tonight on a few topics about #OrgasmQuest, the day I had just wiped me completely out. Hopefully tomorrow I’ll have my words back, but now, they are gone. So! I’ve collected all the #selfies from my livetweeting the unboxing of Ashley Manta love for you to enjoy. But first…

#OrgasmQuest on Girl Boner Radio!!!

Another side effect of amitriptyline is dry mouth, which some days makes it really hard for me to speak. Journalists, this is part of why I ask for email interviews versus phone. (Also, my son takes me being on the phone as a personal affront.) Even though I am guzzling water before and through this interview, the dry mouth got me a few times which was frustrating. It’s really hard to make your mouth form words when it feels stuck together. Anyway! We got through it and had a fantastic chat. Really hope that August McLaughlin has me on again, because chatting with her is an absolute joy, one of the highlights of my week. Download the podcast here!

Now, on to the sex toy #selfies!

Want some of these glorious items? Clear your cookies and then click below, the Tantus Duke, Feeldoe Slim, Realdoe, and Echo are all featured above. Also, you can get a Realdoe in the slim size! As Tantus is glorious, 15% off your purchase with the code #OrgasmQuest.

Use discount code "#OrgasmQuest" to get 15% off your entire order!

Use discount code “#OrgasmQuest” to get 15% off your entire order!

#OrgasmQuest: Anorgasmic Partnered Sex

For a variety of reasons (time, pain levels, stress, kids, I’ve been attached to my laptop for days…) Val and I had gone a bit longer than usual without having sex. At one point yesterday afternoon I plopped myself down on his bed, excitedly rambled about the latest #OrgasmQuest coverage, paused, and then informed him that we were having sex that night. Overall, I have the higher libido in the relationship so we’ve worked out that he just needs to make the smallest of passes at me when he’s in the mood and I am on him before you can blink. This works out well, I don’t feel rejected and he doesn’t feel pressured.

The sex we had last night was amazing. Often we have rushed “parent sex”, which is where we’re mostly clothed, skimp on foreplay, get our needs met as quickly as possible to avoid the mood killer that is a small child at the door either knocking or going “Moooommmyyyyy”. Our youngest seems to have the ability to unlock doors with his mind or sheer force of his will, so having the door secured doesn’t always mean privacy.

Last night was amazing. Ah-may-zing. Extended mutual foreplay, very intimate and connected sex. I felt like a Sex Goddess the entire time. Everything, absolutely everything felt incredible. After we finished, I laid there in a blissful bubble of interconnection for what felt like a very long time before I realized that I had not actually had an orgasm.

From start to finish, I was at “Oh, that feels so good”, never getting “higher” or “lower” than that point. Since the anorgasmia began, I had been able to have orgasms during partnered sex that felt like gentle waves. My personal feeling on those were that I was riding my partner(s) orgasms more than having my own. (Forgive me if that’s a little too “woo-ish” for you) This time that didn’t happen, but I didn’t notice.

What I did notice as I ran the encounter back through my brain was that anorgasmic sex was an entirely different experience, but one that was just as fantastic. One of my most popular tweets recently is one where I said “My oral sex skills are 95% enthusiasm.” Which is true for my sexual prowess period. Having sex without the orgasms meant that I stayed in this glorious highly pleasure charged place without losing concentration on what I was doing because I was suddenly creating universes with the power of my orgasm. I actually had more fun exploring ways to build the pleasure for both of us.

A critique of #OrgasmQuest is that it promotes goal oriented sex. That’s a valid one as I didn’t make my motives as clear as I could have at the start. (I also had no idea that the Quest would take off like it has) #OrgasmQuest is about getting my masturbatory orgasms back. As last night showed clearly, my partnered sex life without orgasms is different from it was before, but just as amazing.

NSFW: Birthday Suit Selfie for Val’s Birthday

Time has lost meaning to me.

Sometime this morning I was feeling adorable through the fog of illness. It’s Val‘s birthday, we celebrate adult birthdays with “birthday suit” selfies. Most of our friends/loves take part, it’s a wonderful celebration of selves and vulnerability. (Or really effing hot nudes. Often both.) He’s bedridden with the illness, so this is our only celebration today.

Below the read more is my contribution to the fun… Continue reading

You know, I really thought this blog would be sexy

Turns out it is mostly my venting frustrations with parenting, how tired I am, or my mental health stuff.

My life is really sexy though!

I think I should go back to highlighting the hot parts and let the stresses go to the side for a while.

So here. It’s our anniversary so there better be some hot sexy time in my future, till then. Here is my post mind blowing orgasm that I gave myself face. Cause I love you.

My post hot self love face

My post hot self love face