Crista Anne of the Glitter – A Selfie Celebration

 

Crista Anne of the Glitter – Selfie Edition

Why the need for a selfie post? Not gonna lie folks, today hasn’t been pleasant. My body hurts in a way that most of you *hopefully* cannot fathom, people are being extra – everything distasteful & wrong – online, life stress, brain fog, and I woke up again to find that no one had charged Trump with treason since I last looked at the news.

There have been bright spots of love, but today still required some long ignored self-care. I’ve not put on makeup in a while, so I covered myself in purple, then a thick layer of glitter, and took selfies. Because I can. Because I love that I can change my outward appearance at will to match either my inner self or who I want the world to see.

This is a little of both.

It worked too, I’m feeling better about myself, my ability to control my life, and comfortable in my skin. Makeup can be magic.

Greetings internets, I am Crista Anne and I’m super pretty.

Life in Less Limbo

Y’all, it has been a week.

I’ve updated here and there as things have progressed, but it’s nice to put it all together so I can link instead of re-telling the story. As I said in my Surviving Life in Limbo… post, I’ve had a lot of concerning health issues pop up suddenly. Upside, they are rearing their ugly heads just as I finally have comprehensive health insurance. Bless my glorious marriage. Finally, I have progress and an update:

NO CANCER!!!

YAY!! CT Scan showed that my bladder is really unhappy but no signs of cancer. That and other tests have ruled cancer out. Que thrilled excitement.

 

Got this glorious news, made a bad-fucking-ass pot roast, and finally relaxed for a few hours. Watched MSNBC to hear my fantasy girlfriend Rachel Maddow talk about how Bernie Sanders won New Hampshire, and at commercial break, made the mistake of trying to pee.

Que mindbending pain. Acute, astonishing, stabbing, horrific pain shooting through my pelvis. On the only pain scale I consider to be legitimate, I was in “I am actively being mauled by a bear” that was living in my bladder.

This is the only pain chart that I consider to be legit. Thank you Hyperbole and a Half

This is the only pain chart that I consider to be legit. Thank you Hyperbole and a Half

Laid face down on our bed, one eye watching The Donald give a victory speech, which was not helping my pain levels at all, for most of the rest of the evening while fearing emptying my bladder ever again. Rachel Maddow kept making me laugh, which would also cause a pain spike. My emergency painkiller wasn’t doing anything and by morning I was looking for childcare so we could get me to the ER. I was biting and yelling into a towel, fearing any liquid. Okay, great, no cancer, but I feel like I’m dying. Thankfully, my Doctor found space to see me, because I loathe the ER. Would rather remove body parts in my bathroom than go through that bullshit.

I do not cry in public. It’s a thing. Have trouble letting my guard down enough to cry most of the time. I cried the whole way through the visit. No infection, nothing glaring on my CT scan, the best educated guess is Interstitial cystitis. That needs to be verified by a urologist, who I’ll be seeing asap. Interestingly, one of the treatments for interstitial cystitis is amitriptyline. The cause of my anorgasmia, #OrgasmQuest and a medication I stopped talking six weeks ago in favor of other medications that were previously beyond my financial means.

So, I’m back on amitriptyline. Last year when Quest started, this was the wonder drug for my depression, but as The Madness overtook our life and I hit one of the worst depressive episodes of my life, it stopped helping. Wellbutrin has been a better match for my depressive symptoms, with the added bonus of the return of my sex drive. When I get out of the acute pain, it will be interesting to see how both of those medications affect my sexuality. #OrgasmQuest is certainly not over.

First, I have to get out of this acute pain. I’m on mostly bed rest with pain management medication for the next few days. Friends and family are helping out and V has been amazing. I’ve spent most of the last two weeks curled around him in either pain or worry. They’ve been perfection in soothing my fears and taking care of my needs. I’m more comfortable in the caretaker role, much less as the patient, but they are keeping me from doing too much.

Meh

Really sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Progress though. At least it isn’t cancer, “just” probably another chronic pain condition that has no cure or great treatment plan. Yaaaayyyyy. *eye roll* So, that’s where I am. My body says I need to lie back down and pay more attention to the Democratic debate.

Thank you for all the love and good wishes. They mean the world to me. <3

Mighty Queen Mommy Sparkle

I’ve been trapped in my head recently, the intensity of life right now. Popped on social media here and there, but mostly I’ve been quietly processing the extreme changes to life. The anniversary of my Dad’s death was the day before court, unable to handle that as well, I pushed it out of my mind until last night. So far beyond the end of my rope, so much swirling around me.

Haven’t known what to say.

Haven’t known where to even begin.

This afternoon I felt paralyzed. So many thoughts in my head I was completely unable to grab a hold of any of them. That’s when my baby girl decided that she wanted to turn me into Queen Mommy Sparkle. I handed her the glitter face paint, then took a leap by letting her use my Electric Palette to do my makeup. She actually did an amazing job, I am now covered in glitter and rainbows with her favorite crown on my head. We played bubbles and looked at flowers. Life was suddenly calm.

I’ve embraced the calmness. Then embraced the silliness.

I am Queen Mommy Sparkle.

I am Mighty.

 

Reclaiming My Universe Creating Orgasm – #BOAW15 #OrgasmQuest

The long reclamation of my inner Sex Goddess

As my regular readers know – and now a good deal of the world – I’ve been on an #OrgasmQuest since December. Let me give a “quick” overview for any new readers: My identity has been in constant flux, ever-changing, but two things have been constants. I have Major Depressive Disorder and Empowered Sexuality. I came out of the womb depressed, but I also came out of the womb with a hand on my clitoris. Never shamed for exploring my body, I was taught early on that it was my “feeling good stuff”, it was a private experience and when I needed Feeling Good Stuff Time, I should do so in the privacy of my bedroom. This started my life long love of masturbation.

When I am in dark places due to my mental illness, I can orgasm as a way to remind myself that there are pleasurable feeling to be had. Not a cure for my depression, not a fix, but a tool that I’ve used as long as I can remember to keep myself going. My ability to find pleasure in the darkness saved me more times than I can count.

The added bonus from a lifetime of masturbation is that I have always been highly orgasmic. As an adult, I experienced orgasms that felt like touching the divine. While the label of my sexuality has often been in flux, that I am a highly sexual creäture has been a constant.

Five years ago I became a mother, which changed endless aspects of my life. It’s nearly impossible to feel sexy when your almost dying of sleep deprivation, covered in goodness knows what, your will overridden by that tiny person I created. Again, masturbatory orgasms helped me. I was able to remind myself that while everything else seemed to have dramatically changed, for a few moments I could be blissful.

After my second child, creating a life with my Partner-In-Everything, XVO, and adding his children into the mix – my depression became more than I could handle on my own. I found an amazing doctor and we decided to try an older antidepressant to help me. Oh, does it help me. On Amitriptyline for the first time in my life I truly enjoy being alive. My mental health is finally at a place where I can stay that I’m good.

The drawback is that one of the side effects is Anorgasmia – the inability to orgasm even with proper stimulation. This side effect affects countless people and there is a deep stigma about speaking aloud about how disruptive losing orgasm or libido can be on the entirety of someone’s life. So, I’m fighting back. This medication works on every other level, so I am uninterested in changing medications. I opted to go on a public #OrgasmQuest, and have invited anyone who is interested to read along with my journey.

This brings you up to speed on #OrgasmQuest, but Quest isn’t all that I am doing to reclaim my Sexual Goddess status. Motherhood, parenting, these are also huge stumbling blocks on the path to empowered sexuality. I am a queer woman in an open partnership, so I cultivate passionate friendships as I can. Make time for myself to be something other than Mama, stepping away from my motherhood role and passing the torch to the other parents in our world.

What does that look like for me? I revel in my beauty, my sexuality, through selfies. My career is that of a sexuality writer and educator – specializing in sex toys, so I write here in non explicit but frank terms about my masturbation and sex toy use. I put on elaborate makeup for myself, when I want to feel beautiful and empowered even though all I may do that day is write and clean the house. I make space for intimacy with my love. Flirt with trusted friends. As I work from home, I play with wild hair colors and vibrant clothing.

My universe creating orgasms have yet to fully return. Had one blissful evening when hormones overrode the side effects and I touched the divine again and again, but over all I’m not where I want to be. Most of my orgasms are physical now, vaginal contractions, wobbly legs, but my brain doesn’t experience the pleasure spike. This is progress though, and I have no plans on ending my Quest any time soon.

This may sound to woo” for some of my readers, I understand, it’s a little to woo for me too. However, I do feel a connection to Inanna, my personal spiritual path is close to that of paganism, and she is my Goddess. I am connected to the sacred whore and see myself as one. I refuse to lose this vital piece of my identity in exchange for finally having relief from most of my mental illness.

If you value pleasure, and I do make room for people who do not because that is a valid way to feel, I believe it is your birthright. I know that pleasure is mine, I revel in the pleasures that I can find now, and continue to fight to regain the fullness of my inner Sex Goddess.

MicroBlogging: She Had Me At Unicorn Hustle

#AlwaysBeAUnicorn

#AlwaysBeAUnicorn

The other night Dr Drew’s show on HLN rebroadcast the #OrgasmQuest interview as part of a show on sex, which was mildly disorienting. A few folks on twitter thought it was live (understandably) and were tweeting at me about what “I had just said on TV”.  Now I am the first to admit that I can be a bit of a flake – I hardly remember what I said two hours ago – let alone a few weeks ago. Had to re-watch some of the segments to refresh myself. Opted not to argue with a few folks, and was a little annoyed until Avery Simone (@UnicornHustle) crossed my path. She’s a very fun follow and was kind enough to add a post on her site that’s delightful. Here’s Unicorn Hustle’s take on #OrgasmQuest!

#OrgasmQuest on #GirlBoner Radio & Unboxing of @AshleyManta Love!

While I planned on writing a long piece tonight on a few topics about #OrgasmQuest, the day I had just wiped me completely out. Hopefully tomorrow I’ll have my words back, but now, they are gone. So! I’ve collected all the #selfies from my livetweeting the unboxing of Ashley Manta love for you to enjoy. But first…

#OrgasmQuest on Girl Boner Radio!!!

Another side effect of amitriptyline is dry mouth, which some days makes it really hard for me to speak. Journalists, this is part of why I ask for email interviews versus phone. (Also, my son takes me being on the phone as a personal affront.) Even though I am guzzling water before and through this interview, the dry mouth got me a few times which was frustrating. It’s really hard to make your mouth form words when it feels stuck together. Anyway! We got through it and had a fantastic chat. Really hope that August McLaughlin has me on again, because chatting with her is an absolute joy, one of the highlights of my week. Download the podcast here!

Now, on to the sex toy #selfies!

Want some of these glorious items? Clear your cookies and then click below, the Tantus Duke, Feeldoe Slim, Realdoe, and Echo are all featured above. Also, you can get a Realdoe in the slim size! As Tantus is glorious, 15% off your purchase with the code #OrgasmQuest.

Use discount code "#OrgasmQuest" to get 15% off your entire order!

Use discount code “#OrgasmQuest” to get 15% off your entire order!

Help an Overworked Crista Out Please

Okay, it’s safe to say that the #OrgasmQuest absurdity period is over and I can go back to life as mostly usual. Introverted Crista is very pleased by this, while also very appreciative of all the support and awesome that happened over the last few weeks. Now, I’m trying to collect up the blog posts and other articles that I missed. A number of them happened when I was utterly overwhelmed by the response to Quest, and got lost.

So help an overworked and exhausted Crista out? If you blogged about quest, ran an interview, or covered the coverage – can you leave a link in the comments? Want to get those onto the main #OrgasmQuest page now that I have a bit of breathing room.

As I said last night, just because I had a little orgasm doesn’t mean quest is over. Now, recreate results. See if I can orgasm with less intense stimulation again. Get back to my intense orgasms. There is still a lot of questing to do, and even when I do get all those things back – because I will – I’ll keep the quest going as a promotion of pleasure. To keep talking about these stigmas. This is a life long project as far as I am concerned.

Burned out Crista is Burned out, as you can see from today’s selfie.

Burnt out but smiling. Really, that's a smile

Burnt out but smiling. Really, that’s a smile

Thank you in advance for link hunting for me. Y’all are the bees knees.

#OrgasmQuest Update: It was a Team Effort, but We Have Orgasm!

#OrgasmQuest has been far too much about the media response to Quest and far to little on the actual Quest itself recently, so let’s fix that shall we?

The chance to work on #OrgasmQuest came earlier than usual tonight, but I saw my moment and I embraced it.

That was totally (kinda sorta) an Orgasm!!!

My old orgasmic state spoiled me, oh how it spoiled me, but that folks? That was an orgasm. Vagina contractions, wobble legs and my brain finally registered the pleasure spike along with it. I AM MIGHTY!!!!

 

Crista Anne is Mighty

I am Mighty!!

That’s forever my I AM MIGHTY picture. Anyway! ORGASM HOLY SHIT I MISSED YOU!!!

As mentioned in the title, it was a team effort. Let’s give three cheers to GoodVibes’ Please Cream Lubricant, The Original Magic Wand and what I believe was the star of the show, Tantus’ Tsunami!!!

YES

This is my I Am Mighty I Orgasmed Face!!

Glorious hollow area for a bullet or a finger, which saves my hands from extreme pain

Glorious hollow area for a bullet or a finger, which saves my hands from extreme pain

I do give the Tsunami credit for getting me over the edge. After a liberal application of Please Cream, the size, shape and curve instantly ramped up my baseline pleasure level. I opted to remove the bullet from the base of the tsunami so I could use a finger in the hollow area of the base to keep gentle but constant pressure that was easy on my hands. The vibration from the Magic Wand is gloriously (for me) intense, so when I slid the head of the wand down my vulva to meet the base of the Tsunami, the vibrations transferred through wonderfully. I’m not a huge fan of intense internal vibration, the amount transferred was perfect for me.

This was not a quick and easy Orgasm. Before meds I could orgasm in under five minutes, this was closer to twenty. I did get close a few times over that period, but determination combined with extra rocking motion with the Tsunami did finally get me over the edge. Universes were not created, I did not see stars, the length of the orgasm itself was about a fourth of the earlier version, but I am not complaining! I FUCKING CAME!!!

No, obviously this is not the end of #OrgasmQuest. Need to recreate the results (because science!) Try to see if I am adjusting to the Amitriptyline and the anorgasmic side effect is wearing off naturally, if I can orgasm with a different collection of sex toys, no toys at all, and if I can get those universe creating orgasms back. Massive awesome fantastic stress relieving step forward though. Oh my stars, I needed that.

Of course, because I am me, there were a collection of celebratory selfies taken. Please forgive the darkness, but I snapped them from my rainbow covered quest area within my office.

Tap dancing dildo gods, thank you to my beloved Good Vibes and Tantus, for without them, I’d still be a frustrated little rainbow of a Crista. Now, let’s see what tomorrow holds.

 

(Remember: Tantus will take 15% off your entire order when you use the code “#OrgasmQuest” at checkout) 

Live Tweeting the Grand Unboxing of @Tantus Love

 

I’m *finally* unboxing all my tantus love & live tweeting it @Pinkness.

This is so much fun. Soon there will be a proper post but here is a gallery of the #selfies that I’ve thrown on twitter if you’re just tuning in. Tonight is my night *off* so, self care is in the form of playfulness. Then! Oh the #OrgasmQuest – ing that will happen.

Remember! 15% off your entire purchase with the code #OrgasmQuest!

Use discount code "#OrgasmQuest" to get 15% off your entire order!

Use discount code “#OrgasmQuest” to get 15% off your entire order!

Yes, Uniqueern

Microblogging: Today’s look is brought to you by FuckItAll & @UrbanDecay

Crista Anne is Mighty

I am Mighty

Microblogging: Today’s look is brought to you by fuckitall & Urban Decay’s Smoked palette. (It’s on sale for $20 right now, I make no money if you buy one, but it’s totally worth it if you want fierce eyes.)

Not gonna lie, I’m a little stressed and really gorramn annoyed about a few things. So I’ve put on my “I am mighty” fierce eye-shadow. Makeup is art on my face, and sometimes a protective barrier. Today, it’s a bit of both.

Also my bra is pretty damn cute.

PS. Urban Decay should totally sponsor me between my endless rambling about them and the thread derailment on the Jezebel article. Just sayin.

Edited to add: I’ve decided to spend part of my afternoon with my Original Magic Wand working on #OrgasmQuest. Dressed as a unicorn (Uniqueern?)

As you do.

Yes, Uniqueern

Uniqueern?