Twitter Really Cares About My Reaction To Scalia’s Death

Supreme Court Justice Scalia died today, I’m not ashamed that this is thrilling, and right-wing twitter really does not like me.

Which is fine, the feeling is quite mutual.

Overall, I do not wish death upon people. I do not celebrate death. There are a few exceptions to this rule, and Antonin Scalia is one of them. Actually, I am not thrilled that he is dead, I am thrilled that he no longer wields great power. Great power used to harm, restrict rights and promote horrific bigotry. As being on the Supreme Court is a lifetime job, that means retirement or death. He died in his sleep and I am glad he is gone. Thus, I tweeted.

Read through the responses at your own risk. I rarely feed the trolls, but today I’m still mostly on bed rest and have a fair amount of anger that needed an outlet. None of that bullshit got to me, I was laughing most of the time.

Here is the deal: I’m a queer, poly, liberal, woman who has needed and received abortive care. Scalia was on the bench since I was four years old, a consistently disgusting monster who through his writings made it clear that he loathed who and what I am. Viewed me as a second class citizen at best. A monster with extreme power. Now he is gone and as hard as right-wing twitter has tried, you cannot and will not shame me into feeling sadness.

I feel empathy for those who loved him. For his wife and children. Look, my Dad died eleven years ago. My Dad, who I love and miss, was kind of a shitbag. There are plenty of people who are glad he’s dead and I do not begrudge them that. I’ve harmed people in my life and I’m sure they will be happy when I die. Lots of people told me about how thrilled they will be today alone! Rock on. I’ll be dead and thus will not care how the fuck people react.

“Don’t speak ill of the dead”

NOPE. Nope. Nope. Nope.

I want nothing to do with the making of the mythology of this person. Towards the end of his life/career, he seemed to slide completely into professional troll. Professional trolls are bad enough on their own, professional trolls on the fucking supreme court? I’ve read more than enough of his opinions to feel his loathing for people like me, people like my family, people who are my friends and loves. Plenty of words are being written on his record and life, that’s not what I’m doing here.

What I’m doing here is saying that right now his dead body in Texas has more rights than those of a pregnant person in that state. Abortion rights are about to hit the Supreme Court and I am crying tears of joy that he will not be on the bench for that. Shamelessly.

A whole mess of folks have named me the face and the voice of liberalism on twitter today, so I shall inform you all that as your Queen and Liberal Ruler, you may address me as Her Royal Pinkness. Beware the tyranny of my oppressive socialism and rainbows. The Tyranny of Glitter Everywhere.

Behold - Her Royal Pinkness

Behold – Her Royal Pinkness – Your Liberal Queen

Obviously, I speak for myself and myself alone. 

I choose to have fun with folks who were calling me the face of liberalism when it suited them. I’m a white cis woman, my voice should not be the loudest any longer. Hopefully my sarcasm here was noted by those whose opinions I care about.

Now, back to the amusement on twitter…

shevibestickerYou don’t like what I have to say? Don’t like that I dare speak ill of the dead? 

Don’t fucking read my words then.

I’m not for everyone, that’s fine. I’ve no interest in being palatable to everyone. Feel free to continue to tell me how horrible I am. The fucks I give continue to stay at zero and the moment that I get bored, I’ll go back to ignoring the trolls. For now though? Thanks for the amusement. Thanks for the hate views to my site. Thanks for keeping me distracted from the pain I’ve been in recently. I actually do appreciate that.

Hello and welcome to the new folks who RT’d me for positive reasons. Hopefully the rest of what I have to say resonates as well. If not, I wish you well. 

Scalia. Was. Toxic.

Thanks to @femsplain for this graphic

Thanks to @femsplain for this graphic

Finally: If you were one of the way too many people who took the time to fill my mentions with hatred, slurs, threats and other bullshit – expect an invoice from me in the near future. See, my time has monetary value and all of you are proud capitalists so I expect you to understand this. Reading your intrusive tweet is $5, Abusive tweets are $10 and Threats or Slurs will cost you $20. 

-Anne Lamott

-Anne Lamott

Surviving Life in Limbo

Life in limbo is not my strongest suit.

#MedicatedandMighty selfie

#MedicatedandMighty selfie

I declared 2016 to be the year of Joyful. After the unending horror show of 2015, devastating our world so completely it will never be the same again, I declared this year would be joy. I would find joy in my work, in my home life, in the wonderfulness that is being Partnered to my love. Recovering joy and recovering hope for the future.

One of the biggest reasons I felt hopeful was that on the first of the year, I finally had comprehensive health insurance for the first time in years. Regular therapy again. Seeing my doctor to get on the meds that help both my mental and physical illness so that I could work my way into being even more functional. I did a fantastic job on my own, but I do need meds to help me get where I want to go. Especially because I have had extreme pain in my lower abdomen – the consensus was that the hypothesized early endometriosis had gotten worse and I’d need laparoscopy to take care of that. Grabbed the first available appointment with my amazing GP and off we went.

Routine labs because it had been years since I’ve had a physical or the like. Started some meds for fibro, anxiety and depression. All good. Joyful here I come. I was so thrilled, finally I was getting back to my version of “better”. It was within reach again.

Then I needed to come back for another quick test. My nurse brushed it off as no big deal, they just wanted to run something else and needed more urine. Since I always need to pee, no big deal. Didn’t really give it a second thought.

The first depression med we tried obviously wasn’t working for me, so I grabbed a spot on the schedule just before my Partner so we could make changes. Routine stuff right?

Nope.

Some of my labs come back with concerning results. We sit down and talk more about my various symptoms – a majority I’ve chalked up to living with fibro. Here, pee in a cup again. Everyone’s body language changes. My nurse is patting me kindly. My doctor is offering hugs. This is wonderful for me, but alarm bells go off because I’ve been sick all my life. When the doctor wants to hug you, shit has gone wrong.

Shit has gone wrong. The fuckton of tests that have been run have alarming results and quick checks in my now three-hour routine visit continue to be alarming. “The most likely cause for all this is cancer.”

My Doctor is hugging me with a very sad look on her face.

“Likely cancer” and diagnosed with cancer are obviously two very different things. There are a bunch of really unpleasant tests that need to be done between now and then, all of which are currently waiting for fucking authorization from insurance. Of course, then Epic Snow shut down the east coast, so I’ve been told it will take longer than usual.

We just spent the last year embroiled in one of the most vicious custody battles one can imagine. My professional career has been used against us in court to our detriment. The outcome of The Madness was almost the worst it could be. Our family has been ripped apart. I’ve been in one of the worst depressive cycles of my adult life.

I fucking clawed my way back up from that hell though. We got married. I was headed into my year of joy. Get this medical stuff out-of-the-way and I was going to take off. I have workshops to plan. Podcasts to be on. Blogger Outreach and planning for the ’16 Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit. Articles to write. #OrgasmQuest to get going again. I have shit to do.

“Likely Cancer”

This fucking stopped me in my tracks. Even if it isn’t cancer, there is something very wrong going on. The testing process alone is going to be harrowing, trust me – I’ve been through the gamut of testing most of my life. Now, to wait an unknown period of time before we can even begin that because of the goddamn storm.

This is too much. #IamMighty and I am a freaking Superhero. A Rainbow Colored Pleasure Revolutionary. While I am sweet and kind – I’m also tough as shit. Even freaking Superheroes hit their limit and this is mine. Even more limbo. Even more of my life and future completely out of my hands right now.

So here is the deal. This sex blog is pretty deviod of sexy now. As soon as I possibly can I want to fix that. Throwing myself into writing, throwing myself into talking about sex toys, throwing myself into my continued #OrgasmQuest is the way I’ll get through this.

It’s coming, but I’m not there yet. I’m still rocked and semi paralyzed by living in limbo. Overwhelmed by yet another crisis on the horizon. I have no idea what is coming next, but somehow I’ll survive this as well.

I’m doing the best I can. Thank you for sticking by me.

#OrgasmQuest Turns One

#OrgasmQuest turns one & I’m not what to say.

Baby Crista!!

Selfie from right after I posted the first #OrgasmQuest post

A year ago right now I was wiggling in bed celebrating that I’d made due on a promised blog post…

I’d come up with an idea, found sponsors, and followed through with “Crista and her #OrgasmQuest“. Wriggling happily because I’d been disconnected from my community for a while but this was the start of “dipping my toes” back in. Finally I had a “little project” to contribute with again.

Ha. Ha. Ha!

A year later it’s all a blur of my jaw hanging on the floor. Waking up every morning for weeks going “Okay, where I am covered today?” or “What did I do now?”

As time passed hands began to cover my eyes during that first peek at twitter.

It was a wild, wonderful, scary, intense, and above all else – surreal – experience.

A year later I’m surprised and thankful that so many people have stuck with me through the ups and mostly downs.

#Orgasmquest shirt on for the first time!

The first time I put on my @SheVibe #OrgasmQuest superhero shirt

Honestly, at the moment this sex writer is not all that sexy. Newlywed or not. Masturbation moments are few and far between, pain levels are so in the way that intimacy is mostly cuddling and words of affirmation. (As that’s my main love language, this works wonderfully.) Shortly my medications are going to change as I get back to this glorious world of comprehensive health coverage. Mostly I’m biding my time until that happens, see what challenges or lack of challenges there will be once it begins. As #OrgasmQuest turns one, I may be right back to where I was at the start. Thankfully, if I am, it is with the glorious wisdom about my body that gained.

My energy has been focused on enjoying feeling joyful again, reconnecting with the world, and creating positive routines that I can stick with as I keep climbing out of that depressive hole. Nothing that warrants world-wide media coverage, which is a nice change.

There will be reposting of my favorite #OrgasmQuest articles over the next few days on twitter. My life is about to be packed with all the joys and stresses that come with the holidays in a very blended family. (Juggling the schedules of four households is…let’s go with interesting.)

I’m really looking forward to where #OrgasmQuest will take me in year two.

Return of #OrgasmQuest!

#OrgasmQuest makes its return!!

#OrgasmQuest updates had to take a very sudden hiatus as the rest of my life went sideways. While I was unable to post about Quest, that doesn’t mean that I stopped Questing in my personal life by any means. Keeping Quest going for myself was one of the many ways I kept myself together through the most stressful and horrific period of my life. Now that we’re on the other side of that, it’s high time that #OrgasmQuest updates return. On to the Return of #OrgasmQuest!!!

#OrgasmQuest: Where I am now

As I approach the One year anniversary of Quest, I can absolutely call it a success. Over the quiet months I continued to make time for masturbation. That time was both as a coping mechanism like masturbation as always been for me and to continue working on regaining sensitivity and orgasmic ability. I can now reliably orgasm via masturbation and partnered sex!

Snapshot_2015218 (5)HUZZAH!!!!

I can reliably orgasm, but I am now orgasmically mortal. To get myself there I require extended foreplay, extra lubrication, and the orgasms that I have are still much weaker than those “universe creating” ‘gasms of the past. Multiple orgasms are mostly beyond my abilities, and I couldn’t tell you the last time I had an orgasm that included squirting. Trust me though, reliable orgasms again has improved my quality of life a great deal.

So happy

Cuddling my new Precious, the rechargeable Magic Wand

Over the summer there was the wonderful launch of the #MagicWandUnplugged. Those glorious folks at Good Vibrations were wonderful enough to send me one even though I wouldn’t be able to write about the glory for a while. I fell so in love with the Cordless Magic Wand that it completely replaced my corded model. (She has been lovingly retired with a place of honor in my locking #OrgasmQuest Toolbox.) The auto shut off had a learning curve for me, at first it was turning off on me right as I was getting there, but I’ve changed up my usage. Building up sensation at the lower speeds, turning it off to give my body a few seconds that build the craving for more stimulation, then turning it back up to ramp up through the third and fourth speeds.

The ability to have that Magic Wand power without planning where the nearest outlet is has made #OrgasmQuest time much easier, and the slightly lighter weight allows me to hold the wand longer and more comfortably. Earlier in an interview I was asked if I was comfortable giving the magic wand credit for the return of my orgasmic ability, which was answered with a VERY enthusiastic “YES!”

Another piece of my Anorgasmic puzzle that I’ve put together is that there is a strong hormonal component affecting my orgasmic ability. During my period and while I am ovulating is by far the easiest time for me to orgasm. The rest of the month I have to work for those orgasms, but during ovulation and menstruation? They are almost as easy as they were before anorgasmia struck. I am one year into having the Mirena IUD in place and will continue to track how that affects my orgasmic ability going forward.

The Future of #OrgasmQuest

Incredible progress has been made, but I am nowhere near done with #OrgasmQuest. Reliable orgasms are fantastic, but I want my full orgasmic experience back.  Multiple orgasms. Intense orgasms. Squirting. Perhaps Universe Creating Orgasms are beyond my ability, but I will keep working towards having them again.

I want to continue increasing my sensitivity. Love foreplay, but if I can get back to an orgasm with slightly less foreplay needed? That would be wonderful. Need to continue nurturing my Inner Sex Goddess. Plus, continued dedication to self care via pleasure is a wonderful component to keeping my mental health as positive as it can be.

Shortly, my dosage of amitriptyline will be increasing. This drug continues to be the best medication I have found for combating my depressive symptoms, but I have adjusted to the dosage I have been on for the last year. With the massive body blows we have taken in our personal family life, I’ve slipped deeper into depression than I’m comfortable with. There is a good chance that increasing dosage will change the progress I’ve made and I plan on keeping everyone updated with how those changes are affecting me on an orgasmic level and as a person with mental illness.

I love #freethewand and heartily endorse getting yourself one. (Of course I appreciate it if you grab yours via my links.) That being said, I want to expand my #OrgasmQuest arsenal. Have this glorious collection of exquisite sex toys from Woodhull’s Sexual Freedom Summit that have yet to get the loving attention they so deserve. There will be many Quest posts talking about the successes and possible failures of these new options.

REALLY looking forward to spending quality time with The Rumble once it is released so I can compare and contrast the differences between the wands I now own. So much anticipation!

Finally: #OrgasmQuest inspired many others to begin their own Quests. I’ll be highlighting those posts along with ideas on how anyone can be empowered to join the fun. #OrgasmQuest became much bigger than myself or this site. It is one of my proudest achievements, and a project I plan on keeping going for the rest of my days.

Now a request! What do YOU want to read about regarding #OrgasmQuest? Comment below or contact me privately here. I want Quest to be as useful as possible. <3

Of course, #OrgasmQuest is possible with the glorious support of my #OrgasmQuest Sponsors: SheVibe, Tantus & Good Vibrations. Thank you all for being such amazing and supportive friends and loves through the recent up and downs!

Mentally hugging each and every one of you.

Mentally hugging each and every one of you.

Just Sayin – Redbubble has 50% stickers right now..

RedBubble has a sale on stickers – 50% off six or more. Just Sayin, if you want to decorate your world in #OrgasmQuest or other SheVibe Sexual Superheroes, this is an awesome time to do that.

Then PLEASE send me a picture of where your #OrgasmQuest stickers show up in the world. It thrills me to no end.

#OrgasmQuest Continues With New Challenges…

I have no sex drive.

None.

Stress has completely erased all of my sexual being.

This astounds me. Just as I was getting to a point where I could orgasm reliably, the absurdity began. Desperately want a sex drive, it just simply does not exist. Hell, I finally got my coveted Njoy Eleven and it has yet to be used. Intellectually I desperately want to make time at night to get back to masturbating regularly, however when I get to that time?

Nope.

There is no appeal. I’m too worn out and moving is too much to ask. Even knowing that making the effort would really help, that staying in touch with my sexual self is a vital part of feeling joy in life for me, I continue to sit here. Not out of a depressive way, overall I’m feeling incredibly empowered, but being sexual holds no appeal for me.

I need to fix this. Like everything else that is going on now, the only way out is through. The only way to correct the absurdly long list of things that have gone wrong is to push through them all. Life is one long labor, birthing a new person and a new path.

On the upside, my sexuality is something that isn’t outside of my control. Reclaiming my sex goddess is something that I can fix on my own. I just need to find the will to start. #OrgasmQuest is more important than ever for me. It’s more important than ever for my long-term well-being. I will get back to where I want to be, but not tonight.

Tonight I’m sitting quietly, working on calming my brain so that tomorrow I can wake up and work on getting to where I actually want to be. This post isn’t one of my best, but starting to write out how I am feeling is how I begin to fix myself. I want my orgasm back, again, but now a different battle.

Thank the tap dancing dildo gods I’m a fucking Superhero.

I Cannot Explain It, but I can Orgasm Again! #OrgasmQuest @JimmyJane & @SheVibe

Perhaps this level of stress has broken my brain? I don’t know why, but I’m reliably having Orgasms with #OrgasmQuest..

Don't ask me, I'm just a queernicorn

Don’t ask me, I’m just a queernicorn

My menstrual cycle is over, my medications have not changed even through this period of extreme stress. No changes in diet as I have friends and loves who remind me to eat when I forget. I have no real explanation for the how or why, but I’m having orgasms. Consistently now.

They are not the Universe Creating, touching the divine orgasms that I previously easily achieved, but they are glorious. Perhaps there is a god and she loves me? I’ve broken my brain operating through this much stress and processing trauma? If anything I would think that my body would be even less likely to process the orgasm, yet here I am.

Yesterday, on a whim, I attempted solo manual stimulation for the first time in weeks and had a delightful orgasm within minutes. The Magic Wand can get me off so quickly there isn’t time to fantasize or get into the experience. Not quite to the point I was at where I could work my PC muscles into a hands free orgasm, but it feels fucking fantastic.

So, I’ve delved into my collection of Quest Items. Let’s talk JimmyJane Form 5 shall we?

Yes, I am officially a fan!

Yes, I am officially a fan!

I’m enamored with this delightful product. When it isn’t being use as intended, I find myself fiddling with it as I write or respond to messages. When I requested to try it out, my main interest was to expand beyond the basic vibes I’ve always relied upon. Using the Form 5 in masturbation (I’ve yet to use it within partnered sex contexts, but that will happen.) is fun! With liberal use of Sliquid h20, I’m pretty sure I could spend hours twirling the supple wings up, down and over my labia. As I have an exceptionally sensitive clitoris, I find the inner bump, or pleasure dome to be perfection with moderate pressure.

Shockingly, I don’t find myself annoyed by the vibration modes. Usually options I don’t even bother with. They’re fun to play with, I find switching between them easy – even with lubed fingers that do not grip well. In the end I could live without them, but unlike 90% of the other vibes I’ve used with patterns, they don’t frustrate me. That’s saying a lot. While I don’t review often, this pussy has experienced more sex toys than I could begin to count.

While not an inexpensive item, if all of my money wasn’t going to a gorram custody battle, I’d be willing to fork over $145 for a delightful, unique and tap dancing dildo gods pleasurable product like the Form 5.

As always, I point you to SheVibe’s page for all the finer details of the Form 5. They do such a wonderful job giving their customers easy to understand information on their products. In case you missed the links before – Check the Form 5 Out Here.

This is the Greatest Header In The History Of Ever

This is the Greatest Header In The History Of Ever

 Disclaimer/Disclosure: SheVibe sent me this delightful vibe in exchange for an honest review, which is exactly what this is. Should you make the wise decision to buy any one for yourself, or any of their other fantastic offerings via my links, I will get a small commission from those sales. That amount of money is not enough to sway the views I’ve expressed here. If you are overwhelmed by your options, I have spent many years working in sex toy retail. You can contact me with questions or to set up a time for us to chat about your sexual accessory needs.

 

Oh My Stars, It’s an #OrgasmQuest Update!

Surprise! An Actual #OrgasmQuest Post!

Now that I have gotten my mental health and personal posts out of my system, it’s been far too long since I’ve updated y’all on Quest. Ready?

Let’s do this.

#OrgasmQuest is now approaching its third month, and progress is absolutely being made. The last proper #OrgasmQuest update was about Orgasmic Partnered Sex – feel free to pause and read back if needed. I left off still in a blissful place from touching my universe creating orgasms, sadly I am here to report that they have not returned.

There is more going on than just the amitriptyline, just before I began that glorious anti-depressant, I also had the mirenda IUD installed. I’ve not used any form of hormonal birth control in over a decade, adjusting to the hormones has been an experience. My cycle is currently unpredictable (as expected), shorter than before (Thank fucking fuck) but my hormones/mood are a force to be reckoned with. Right as I hit my cycle, my orgasmic ability comes back to a degree.

Right now I’m having my cycle, so I made sure to get my self-care/masturbation/Quest time this evening. After just a few minutes with the magic wand on the lower setting and a nice fantasy about a crush of mine, I experienced a delightfully intense wave of multiple body orgasms. Vaginal contractions, I became too sensitive to have the wand touching my vulva any longer, twitching, muscles contracting, back arching. It felt amazing, I was without pain for a period. First time that I’ve had multiple orgasms in what feels like forever.

My brain still did not register the experience as an orgasm, I physically felt the response, but my brain didn’t register the pleasure. Once it was over, I laid in my bed for a while sorting through the sensations. It was great that I got off quickly, great that I was able to have a physical orgasm via clitoral stimulation alone. I did get some pain relief from the orgasms, which is new and a step closer to the Universe Creating Orgasms I’m used to having.

Still not there yet. Trying not to be frustrated.

With partnered sex, to be honest, with our recent stress/illness there hasn’t been a ton of that. Partnered sex is still wonderful, I still crave it, it’s still enjoyable when I do not orgasm. If I do, its gentle waves of pleasure. Lovely, intimate, relationship bonding, but I still miss the extreme pleasure busts.

Snapshot_2015217 (17)Beyond making my dreams come true with the #OrgasmQuest Superhero status, my loves at SheVibe sent me the exquisite Vesper Crave vibrator necklace & the JimmyJane Form5. Need more personal time with both of these delightful items before I write them up, but I’m really excited about both. If you walk into my house for any reason, it’s a guarantee that I’ll be compelled to show them off to you. The necklace is lovely, I wear it daily. The Form5 offers different sensations than any other sex toy I’ve tried, which is wonderful.

Exploring both of them s part of my plans for Quest time this week and I’m very excited. Hiatus over, #OrgasmQuest is still going strong.

This is the Greatest Header In The History Of Ever

This is the Greatest Header In The History Of Ever

Life Goal Completed – I Am a SheVibe Superhero

#OrgasmQuest has gone so far beyond my wildest dreams. Interviewed by Carol Queen. Front page of a number of my favorite sites and blogs. New wonderful friends. Now. Now I’m a Motherfucking SheVibe Superhero and I can cross another item off my list of Life Goals. BEHOLD! Continue reading

#OrgasmQuest: 3 Week Update Featuring The Liberator Ramp via @SheVibe

I love SheVibe.

The wonderful folks at SheVibe are people I consider good friends, they were early supporters of Dildology, and we’ve had grand times at conferences together. When I told Sandra about #OrgasmQuest, she gave me free choice of their inventory on what I thought would help my quest the most. Immediately, I picked out The Liberator Ramp because I knew it would be helpful.

Here’s Why:

#OrgasmQuest is focused on my masturbatory orgasms though antidepressants, my partnered sex life with Val continues to be incredible. An issue I have with both masturbation and partnered sex is discomfort staying in various sexual positions due to Fibromyalgia. My limbs are sore or give out quickly, I need a great deal of ergonomic support in all areas of my life, support sexually has been at the top of my list for a while. With or without amitriptyline in my system, if I am in a ton of pain, pleasure is impossible.

So let’s talk about Liberator. I’ve not always been a fan of their PR, they’ve put out some downright misogynistic marketing tweets in the past. (It appears those have all been deleted) That issue seems to have been rectified. (I’m putting that in this review because I was one of the voices of dissent at the time.) Their marketing may have an iffy past, but their products are incredible.

They call the foam core of their products “Champagne Foam”. Okay. What I can say is that the foam core stabilizes, cushions and supports my body in a way that no other configuration of memory foam pillows has. The microfiber cover feels wonderful against my skin, which is wonderful because I do have texture issues. The cover also zips off and is machine washable. Getting the cover on and off is surprisingly easy, even with my weak grip.

Call me vanilla all you want, I love missionary. The lift from the liberator ramp makes that position feel more intimate, our bodies are closer, and I find that it is easier to get deeper penetration – something I am a huge fan of. Laid over the top of the ramp, I can grip the bottom comfortably for stability. My hips are cushioned and I am able to stay in that receiving position longer than before.

For masturbation, I’m a lay on my back kind of person. The elevation makes handling insert-able dildos easier. When using the Magic Wand, I can rest my elbow by my side which means that I can handle the weight of that beast longer. I’m in an elevated, cushioned, comfortable spot for #OrgasmQuest time, which makes a wonderful difference.

The last time we used the ramp, I laid on it for a good ten minutes asking Val if I could just please lay on it naked for the rest of my days and he could just enter me whenever he wanted. Apparently that’s not possible because I still need to parent. Sigh

Which brings me to storage. This sucker is big, there is no denying that. Zipped up it slides under the bed or sits in the closet taking up about as much space as a large suitcase. However, I’ll be honest. I wash the cover immediately after use, and then keep it at the end of our bed so the kids can race their cars down it. The toddlers think it’s the coolest thing ever. I’ve had arguments that the ramp is mine and that they cannot take it into the playroom to roll down.

When not being a car ramp, I lay across it while writing or watching TV. I’ve slept on it a few times because apparently the elevation takes my snoring down to a tolerable level for Val. Well, until I roll over. My ramp has become another wonderful life hack. My *only* complaint is that I really could use a handle or two on the side for moving it around with my mobility issues. Obviously I make it work, but a handle would make a wonderful product even more incredible. I may not have my masturbatory orgasms back YET, but I can honestly say that the ramp is an incredibly useful sexual tool for meeting my goal.

For more information on the specifics of the ramp itself, I invite you to visit SheVibe’s page for the Liberator Ramp. One of the many things I love about SheVibe’s website is the glorious amount of product information they make available to their customers. Trying to duplicate it here would not do them justice.

I also love their artistry, so I will close with this wonderful large banner for SheVibe, because it makes me happy. (Also, one of my goals in life is to be drawn as a SheVibe superhero. Ahem. Just sayin.)

 Disclaimer/Disclosure: SheVibe sent me this glorious ramp in exchange for an honest review, which is exactly what this is. Should you make the wise decision to buy any one for yourself, or any of their other fantastic offerings via my links, I will get a small commission from those sales. That amount of money is not enough to sway the views I’ve expressed here. If you are overwhelmed by your options, I have spent many years working in sex toy retail. You can contact me with questions or to set up a time for us to chat about your sexual accessory needs.

#OrgasmQuest returns to it’s birthplace, The Carnalcopia Podcast!

#OrgasmQuest was born on a Carnalcopia podcast, Depression, Orgasms, and Navigating the Murky Terrain of Mental Health. My filling in for Katie Mack was absolute last-minute, I’d already taken a ton of NyQuil to combat the cold I had, so midway through the episode I get a little loopy. Okay, more loopy than usual. It was great fun though, and obviously something special as #OrgasmQuest started right after that episode went live.

#OrgasmQuest returns to Carnalcopia!

With Katie on vacation, Crista Anne returns to explain her new mission, born on the Carnalcopia Sex and Depression episode: #OrgasmQuest. She is on a crusade to regain her ability to experience universe creating orgasms and she shares her progress, what has worked and failed so far, and her deep appreciation for her #OrgasmQuest sponsors who are filling her…life, with sex toys.

This episode was recorded before #OrgasmQuest went viral, but I have no doubt that you’ll hear “Surprise Motherfuckers” at the start of another episode of Carnalcopia in the near future covering more of my progress, as well as how gloriously strange it is to suddenly go viral.

Checkout Swingset.fm for Unique Podcasts about Sexuality & Geekery

I would be remiss if I did not also thank my loves at SheVibe and Good Vibes for sponsoring #OrgasmQuest in the first place. Their support helped get this project off the ground and they have all my gratitude. Also, so much love to my dear friendRachel Kramer Bussel for being the first to write about what I’m doing here. Her column on Philadelphia City Paper started all the media coverage. Thank you darling.

Rainbow Holidays!

To soften the blow of losing, I bring you two awesome articles…

Yes, I cried about football. I has feels.

Yes, I cried about football. I has feels.

Oh football, how you break my heart. As you’ve possibly seen on twitter, I’m having strong football feels. When the Packers season ends I usually don’t know what to do with myself for a while. As I’ve said before, I have sportsball feels. I absolutely loathe the NFL, but I love my Packers. Over the NFL season I live on Deadspin, most of what I listen to as I go about my day is sports podcasts. Once the Packers aren’t playing? I don’t care anymore. Normally there is an odd void for a while until I find something else to occupy my time.

This year is different! I can combat that crushing defeat with focusing more of my time on my work. #OrgasmQuest has gone viral, which I am beyond thrilled about. Yes, of course, I am all about Shameless Self Promotion. It isn’t just “YAY I’m popular!” – The columns and articles about #OrgasmQuest have been positive. The comment sections have been wonderful. You could knock me over with a feather there. I’m so very used to being shredded to bits in comment sections, which is why for a while this site didn’t offer them, but they are full of people sharing their experiences. Sharing their struggles. Some their victories. (Oh, and there was thread derail on the Jezebel article when we started to talk about eyeshadow. Thrilling!)

Over the weekend I’ve received messages from people around the globe sharing their stories of how mental illness has affected their sexuality. Tried to respond to every one of them because I am deeply honored that they are willing to open up to me. Much like my days in sex toy retail, I take the trust that my customers, clients and readers place in me very seriously. No one has been comfortable with being quoted, but people are starting to share via the #OrgasmQuest hashtag. As I said on twitter, I don’t “own” that hashtag, I invite others to use it as well. The stigma that surrounds these issues needs to be busted. Sharing is a way of healing for many.

Now, I have two more wonderful articles to share with you:

Brave Mom Crista Anne Goes on OrgasmQuest to Fight Depression One Orgasm at a TimeBustle

OrgasmQuest isn’t about showing off, but rather, about helping to lift various stigmas, including those surrounding mental illness, which we all know are harmful and can prevent people from seeking the help they need. But what struck me about this project is how it clearly challenges the whole “women don’t masturbate myth.” Female masturbation is such a taboo to begin with that this mom’s commitment to exploring her body, and her ability to be so candid and public about it by writing about it on the internet is nothing short of courageous. While some nay-sayers might chastise her for daring to be a mom and post about sex at the same time (the horror!), I think I would have been proud to have a mom who was so open about sex and unafraid to talk about her struggles with mental illness.

Read the rest @ Bustle

Blogger Shares Her Struggle To Orgasm On AntidepressantsRefinery29

“I’ve been working in the sexuality field for 14 years, many of those were spent working in sex toy boutiques. Daily I was speaking to women who were struggling with loss of libido or anorgasmia from their medications,” she revealed. “Empathy went a long way in making them feel more comfortable… Everyday women would tell me how they had no idea this would happen, how they felt broken. Validating their feelings, giving them a safe space to share seemed to help them a great deal.”

Read the rest @ Refinery29

(PS Thank you Laura Hibbs McKenzie for using that photo of me, it’s one of my favorites.)

I would be remiss if I did not also thank my loves at SheVibe and Good Vibes for sponsoring #OrgasmQuest in the first place. Their support helped get this project off the ground and they have all my gratitude. Also, so much love to my dear friend Rachel Kramer Bussel for being the first to write about what I’m doing here. Her column on Philadelphia City Paper started it all. Thank you darling.

Greetings Jezebel Folks

 

 

My webcam isn't the best, but I wave hello to you all

My webcam isn’t the best, but I wave hello to you all

Hi there!

Was eating a burrito, idly scrolling twitter when I saw that #OrgasmQuest was on the front page of Jezebel. Have spent most of the last hour staring in mild shock at the incredibly wonderful comments attached to the article. Thank you. Really.

Thank you.

The conversations going on over at that thread are beautiful. Seeing people sharing their stories and experiences is incredibly fulfilling, beyond the gains to my personal life, I deeply believe in lifting stigma around mental health, using medications to combat depression, and of course promoting masturbation. This is such a common issue, I’m proud to speak openly about it.

I am replying to comments on the article as I can, but please feel free to also comment here. I’m easily reached across social media and welcome these conversations. If you have a story that you’d like to share as part of #OrgasmQuest, I’d be honored to share it here. There is my Contact Me form here, or you can reach me on gmail (crista at).

Thank you for reading. Thank you for sharing. Thank you.

I would be remiss if I did not also thank my loves at SheVibe and Good Vibes for sponsoring #OrgasmQuest in the first place. Their support helped get this project off the ground and they have all my gratitude.

#OrgasmQuest Hits the @citypaper!

My dear friend Rachel Kramer Bussel interviewed me about #OrgasmQuest for the Philadelphia City Paper. I could not be more thrilled with how her column turned out or how wonderful the reception has been in the short time since posting. Happily overwhelmed is the best way to put it, as my inbox and mentions are now overflowing with love and support.

Cannot begin to express my gratitude, honestly this blurb made me tear up before I had even made it out of bed. Please read the full column, and if you’re so inclined – share widely. Beyond my adoration of Shameless Self Promotion, Rachel’s skills are unmatched. The more clicks the column receives – the more sex-positive, mental health stigma busting writing gets out into the collective consciousness.

Now! Behold what made me cry happy tears..

With the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention estimating that one in 10 American adults report having depression, the effect of medication on our sex lives isn’t an isolated concern. Moreover, the way Crista values masturbation is a model more of us could stand to follow. By privileging her solo sex life, she’s showing up powerfully in the rest of her life. For her, it’s about regaining her lost orgasm to be the best person she can be…

Read the full article

Crazed #cheesehead #selfie & What’s coming this week on CristaAnne

Ducky Doolittle gave me this lucky green and yellow dildo

Ducky Doolittle gave me this lucky green and yellow dildo

Finally, after my week from hell, I was able to sleep. Glorious, restorative sleep. Down to one child for a bit, the stress of juggling endless needs has been lifted. A brief lift, but I’ll take it. Any moment of downtime is cherished.

Then I watched a gloriously intense football game where I was able to scream at the TV as my Packers won. Beating the Cowboys in the playoffs actually lifted some of my childhood sadness, which is an odd post for another time. My cocky self took to twitter for postgame to yell at ESPN analysts. I Am Mighty! The thrill of being a woman who can school dudebros on the NFL is something that gives me life.

Now I am fending off a hormonal migraine. The usual solution to such is masturbatory orgasm, but as you will soon read in my extensive #OrgasmQuest Posts that will go out this week, masturbatory orgasm still eludes me. Going to try with the hitachi anyway, at the very least I’ll have a bit of pleasure again.

This coming week is all the Awards and Expos in LA, which I am sadly not attending this year. The money wasn’t there for such extravagance. While my friends and loves are having a grand time, while we have a low parenting mode, I am focusing my attention here. Cleaning up the site, fixing design elements I’m not thrilled with, and writing. Oh, the writing. Debating putting some of my inner thoughts out there that will ruffle feathers. We’ll see how I’m feeling. What you will see in the coming week is this:

  • Multiple #OrgasmQuest updates. Review of where I am almost a month into my Quest. First reviews of the Hitachi from Good Vibes and the Liberator Ramp from SheVibe. A list of items I’d appreciate adding to my arsenal. Importantly – a stand alone clarification of what #OrgasmQuest means to me and why this is much more than chasing orgasms or engaging in goal oriented sex.
  • Updates to #Selfies with a shout out to what Lauren Marie Fleming is doing with #BawdyLove.
  • A requested post from readers about my hair. How I manage vivid color and my process. You asked for it, I’m pleased to share.
  • Shameless self promotion as #OrgasmQuest hits Carnalcopia and the Philadelphia City Paper.
  • An expanded explanation and hopefully the start of a boarder conversation on why I now call myself a “Progressive Pleasurist“.

Finally, while I was away from “proper blogging”, I fell in love with tumblr. I enjoy microblogging a great deal, so there will be many random short posts on random things I stumble upon through out my day. It’s fun for me, but also easier to continue having content when nearly all my attention is focused on parenting.

So, that’s that my dears. I’m off to do various work across the spheres of my life. Hope that your weekend was wonderful, though if you’re a forlorn Cowboys fan…I’ll be honest. Your pain delights me.

xoh