“Working with a Sandbox” #lubegate

If you’re reading this site, I assume that you’ve heard about Ronda Rousey’s Oh So Very Bad It Makes The Baby Jesus Butt Plug Cry lubricant “advice”. On the off-chance that you missed it, in response to the question “What should a guy ALWAYS do in bed?” she said, in part:  “What should a guy always do? Take his time. In general, a girl takes a minute. He needs to get her ready. You should never need lube in your life. If you need lube, then you’re being lazy…and you’re not taking your time.”

Many folks have written excellent responses on why this advice is at best unhelpful and overall harmful. Some of the best quotes can be found in this Salon piece by Rachel Kramer Bussel. Personally I didn’t write anything as my awesome peers had it covered.

Then Ronda Rousey’s response to the criticism her words received hit my radar, and they beg a response. First: her response via the web series “Embedded”…

“We were in a world of openly accepting lubeness until I came on,” Rousey said. “I’m sorry, I thought I was doing all the girls a favor, making sure that their guys put in some effort. But it sounded like some gritty kitty b—–s are really f—-n’ mad at me. I’m like, ‘It’s not my fault you’re working with a sandbox.'”

First off, the world is not openly accepting of “lubeness”. Over years of adult retail let me tell you that while lube is finally getting the respect it deserves considering how vital its use often is, it’s not even close to being accepted. Most of my customers were ashamed they were buying lube. Telling them they are lazy for needing it? You’re making it worse. STAHP!

You are not “doing all the girls a favor” when you paint with such wide strokes that they’re all in hetero-ish relationships. You are not “doing all the girls a favor” by freaking calling us girls. You were not doing anyone any favors suggesting that lube = lazy. You’re only peddling incorrect sexual information as fact and compounding sexual shame. That helps no one.

No one.

While I did not write something before this, I’m going to firmly identify myself as one of the “Gritty Kitty Bitches” who is really fucking mad at Ronda Rousey. I’m also going to firmly identity as a person “working with a sandbox”. Oh yeah, I’m rocking vaginal dryness. It’s a side effect, along with anorgasmia, sleepiness, and dry mouth, of my medication. Even before medication, I’m simply not a person who has ever created a ton of “natural lubrication”. This glorious “sandbox” has always been dry, but those who get to play here put forth a ton of effort and good times are had by all. With lube.

Many of my lovers have worried that my vaginal dryness was a reflection on them. Not at all. Like millions of other people, I just don’t get super wet even at my most aroused. It’s the way I work. It’s fine, I come equipped (heh) with a variety of wonderful lubricants to make sure all involved have glorious fun. It’s no big deal.

Again. No big deal.

That *points up* is not how you deal with criticism. Especially when you were in the wrong. You know, I can see the point she wanted to make that the male readers should put more effort into foreplay. I like the message of taking more time. It’s the heaping pile of shame and bad information that she topped that message with that everyone took issue with. The folks who raised their voices in response to horribly bad info reaching millions of people are all excellent educators who know what they are talking about. Calling them (us) names because we want accurate and non-shaming information in the mainstream?

Unacceptable.

This is my REALLY annoyed face.

This is my REALLY annoyed face.

So please, Ms Rousey, consult an actual sex educator when answering your next round of sexuality questions. We actually know what we’re talking about when it comes to sex.

/end annoyed rant