#OrgasmQuest Turns One

#OrgasmQuest turns one & I’m not what to say.

Baby Crista!!

Selfie from right after I posted the first #OrgasmQuest post

A year ago right now I was wiggling in bed celebrating that I’d made due on a promised blog post…

I’d come up with an idea, found sponsors, and followed through with “Crista and her #OrgasmQuest“. Wriggling happily because I’d been disconnected from my community for a while but this was the start of “dipping my toes” back in. Finally I had a “little project” to contribute with again.

Ha. Ha. Ha!

A year later it’s all a blur of my jaw hanging on the floor. Waking up every morning for weeks going “Okay, where I am covered today?” or “What did I do now?”

As time passed hands began to cover my eyes during that first peek at twitter.

It was a wild, wonderful, scary, intense, and above all else – surreal – experience.

A year later I’m surprised and thankful that so many people have stuck with me through the ups and mostly downs.

#Orgasmquest shirt on for the first time!

The first time I put on my @SheVibe #OrgasmQuest superhero shirt

Honestly, at the moment this sex writer is not all that sexy. Newlywed or not. Masturbation moments are few and far between, pain levels are so in the way that intimacy is mostly cuddling and words of affirmation. (As that’s my main love language, this works wonderfully.) Shortly my medications are going to change as I get back to this glorious world of comprehensive health coverage. Mostly I’m biding my time until that happens, see what challenges or lack of challenges there will be once it begins. As #OrgasmQuest turns one, I may be right back to where I was at the start. Thankfully, if I am, it is with the glorious wisdom about my body that gained.

My energy has been focused on enjoying feeling joyful again, reconnecting with the world, and creating positive routines that I can stick with as I keep climbing out of that depressive hole. Nothing that warrants world-wide media coverage, which is a nice change.

There will be reposting of my favorite #OrgasmQuest articles over the next few days on twitter. My life is about to be packed with all the joys and stresses that come with the holidays in a very blended family. (Juggling the schedules of four households is…let’s go with interesting.)

I’m really looking forward to where #OrgasmQuest will take me in year two.

A free grab bag with every order over $30! Huzzah Metis!

Happy Birthday Metis!

Happy Birthday to my Beloved Metis…

Metis Black has been my dear friend, confidant, mentor and fairy dildo mother for most of my career. We met via the wonder of LiveJournal, she is one of my few friends that I remember our first interaction clearly. I was but a wee sex geek, working at a chain of adult stores in Texas. From my first day slinging dildos I was in love with Tantus products as when their packaging featured a model friend of mine who also rocked hot pink hair. They were some of the easiest products for me to sell, the few packages that didn’t reek of a shower curtain or leaked gunk when opened. I’d added her as a friend on LJ and lurked around, unsure of what I’d say to this amazing woman.

The day that the sex toy ban was overturned changed everything. The ban was struck down on my way home from work, I got to my computer, read a post by her celebrating the ruling and left a semi-hysterical with relief comment. That moment is still so clear. After sending the comment I laid on the floor of my apartment crying with relief that I no longer had to fear jail time for doing my job. Metis responded to me rather quickly and our exchange was the start of one of my most cherished friendships.

She’s seen me through so much, has been one of the people (along with Ricci and Sandy) I’ve leaned on the most through this horrible year. One of the first people I turn to when I’m stuck and one of the first people I celebrate my successes with.

Beyond our friendship though, Metis is one hell of a Badass.

So as I sip my coffee out of a Pleasure Revolutionary mug, I invite you to celebrate her birthday and badassery with this celebratory deal that Tantus is offering today. Today only, get a Free Grab Bag of your choice with every order over $30.

A free grab bag with every order over $30! Huzzah Metis!

The Best Way to Celebrate! Love you Darling. <3

Return of #OrgasmQuest!

#OrgasmQuest makes its return!!

#OrgasmQuest updates had to take a very sudden hiatus as the rest of my life went sideways. While I was unable to post about Quest, that doesn’t mean that I stopped Questing in my personal life by any means. Keeping Quest going for myself was one of the many ways I kept myself together through the most stressful and horrific period of my life. Now that we’re on the other side of that, it’s high time that #OrgasmQuest updates return. On to the Return of #OrgasmQuest!!!

#OrgasmQuest: Where I am now

As I approach the One year anniversary of Quest, I can absolutely call it a success. Over the quiet months I continued to make time for masturbation. That time was both as a coping mechanism like masturbation as always been for me and to continue working on regaining sensitivity and orgasmic ability. I can now reliably orgasm via masturbation and partnered sex!

Snapshot_2015218 (5)HUZZAH!!!!

I can reliably orgasm, but I am now orgasmically mortal. To get myself there I require extended foreplay, extra lubrication, and the orgasms that I have are still much weaker than those “universe creating” ‘gasms of the past. Multiple orgasms are mostly beyond my abilities, and I couldn’t tell you the last time I had an orgasm that included squirting. Trust me though, reliable orgasms again has improved my quality of life a great deal.

So happy

Cuddling my new Precious, the rechargeable Magic Wand

Over the summer there was the wonderful launch of the #MagicWandUnplugged. Those glorious folks at Good Vibrations were wonderful enough to send me one even though I wouldn’t be able to write about the glory for a while. I fell so in love with the Cordless Magic Wand that it completely replaced my corded model. (She has been lovingly retired with a place of honor in my locking #OrgasmQuest Toolbox.) The auto shut off had a learning curve for me, at first it was turning off on me right as I was getting there, but I’ve changed up my usage. Building up sensation at the lower speeds, turning it off to give my body a few seconds that build the craving for more stimulation, then turning it back up to ramp up through the third and fourth speeds.

The ability to have that Magic Wand power without planning where the nearest outlet is has made #OrgasmQuest time much easier, and the slightly lighter weight allows me to hold the wand longer and more comfortably. Earlier in an interview I was asked if I was comfortable giving the magic wand credit for the return of my orgasmic ability, which was answered with a VERY enthusiastic “YES!”

Another piece of my Anorgasmic puzzle that I’ve put together is that there is a strong hormonal component affecting my orgasmic ability. During my period and while I am ovulating is by far the easiest time for me to orgasm. The rest of the month I have to work for those orgasms, but during ovulation and menstruation? They are almost as easy as they were before anorgasmia struck. I am one year into having the Mirena IUD in place and will continue to track how that affects my orgasmic ability going forward.

The Future of #OrgasmQuest

Incredible progress has been made, but I am nowhere near done with #OrgasmQuest. Reliable orgasms are fantastic, but I want my full orgasmic experience back.  Multiple orgasms. Intense orgasms. Squirting. Perhaps Universe Creating Orgasms are beyond my ability, but I will keep working towards having them again.

I want to continue increasing my sensitivity. Love foreplay, but if I can get back to an orgasm with slightly less foreplay needed? That would be wonderful. Need to continue nurturing my Inner Sex Goddess. Plus, continued dedication to self care via pleasure is a wonderful component to keeping my mental health as positive as it can be.

Shortly, my dosage of amitriptyline will be increasing. This drug continues to be the best medication I have found for combating my depressive symptoms, but I have adjusted to the dosage I have been on for the last year. With the massive body blows we have taken in our personal family life, I’ve slipped deeper into depression than I’m comfortable with. There is a good chance that increasing dosage will change the progress I’ve made and I plan on keeping everyone updated with how those changes are affecting me on an orgasmic level and as a person with mental illness.

I love #freethewand and heartily endorse getting yourself one. (Of course I appreciate it if you grab yours via my links.) That being said, I want to expand my #OrgasmQuest arsenal. Have this glorious collection of exquisite sex toys from Woodhull’s Sexual Freedom Summit that have yet to get the loving attention they so deserve. There will be many Quest posts talking about the successes and possible failures of these new options.

REALLY looking forward to spending quality time with The Rumble once it is released so I can compare and contrast the differences between the wands I now own. So much anticipation!

Finally: #OrgasmQuest inspired many others to begin their own Quests. I’ll be highlighting those posts along with ideas on how anyone can be empowered to join the fun. #OrgasmQuest became much bigger than myself or this site. It is one of my proudest achievements, and a project I plan on keeping going for the rest of my days.

Now a request! What do YOU want to read about regarding #OrgasmQuest? Comment below or contact me privately here. I want Quest to be as useful as possible. <3

Of course, #OrgasmQuest is possible with the glorious support of my #OrgasmQuest Sponsors: SheVibe, Tantus & Good Vibrations. Thank you all for being such amazing and supportive friends and loves through the recent up and downs!

Mentally hugging each and every one of you.

Mentally hugging each and every one of you.

Rumble – A Vibrator For Every Body

Tantus Launches Crowdfunding Campaign for the RUMBLE – A Vibrator For Every Body!

Tantus Rumble Vibe

While enjoying a few quiet moments inside the Bloggers Lounge at Woodhull, Metis took me aside and handed me the prototype of this beauty. A few second of Vibration against my thigh was all I needed to beg for this beauty to be reality as quickly as possible. See, I love wand style vibes. They are the types of vibes that work best for my body, especially since I began to experience anorgasmia. My Magic Wand and Magic Wand Unplugged have been absolute life & orgasm savers as I’ve made my way through #OrgasmQuest.

I do love both of those wands, and the Magic Wand will forever hold a place in my heart because of its history in bringing femme masturbation via Betty Dodson into the social consciousness. That being said, they are imperfect. The size and weight of the wands make them difficult for extended use, cleaning them can be a nightmare, and they are not remotely discrete. Smaller vibes can do the trick for me and many others, but they often have buzzy vibes versus the deeper rumble that works for a wider variety of bodies.

There is also the fact that many, if not most of these wand vibes are marketed with binary gendered language, which erases the ever-increasing number of folks with non-binary genders or dissuades others from trying because “That’s a sex toy for *blank* gender, not for me.” Now, if a vibrator isn’t your thing period – that’s perfectly fine. If you are one of the millions of people who enjoys the pleasure from a strong, deep rumble though – I’m betting this will be the vibrator for you.

From the IndieGoGo Page:

Tantus, Inc. is a small company with a big commitment to sexual health.
For nearly 20 years, Tantus has manufactured the safest, most pleasurable silicone toys possible for a diverse set of needs and body types. Like all of our sexual health products, we believe vibrators should be accessible, user-friendly, and should work for any body. But we couldn’t find a tech savvy vibrator that met our standards.

That’s why we’ve made Rumble, a vibrator to please every body.

Rumble 2

I love crowdfunding across the board, and am thrilled to see my beloved Tantus making this incredible vibrator possible via IndieGoGo. In case you missed the many links above – visit here for more information on Rumble, how to support the campaign, and the excellent incentives they are offering for donations.

When one of these beauties hits my doorstep I’ll give a more in-depth spotlight and let you know if this moves to the front of my vibrator queue. If those 15 seconds against my leg is any indication though, I’m positive that the Rumble will hit my list of sexual accessories that I cannot live without.

Make Rumble a Reality:

You can support Rumble financially from their IndieGoGo page or through shares.

Of course, I vote you share this post cause I like site traffic, but straight from their page is also awesome.

Spread the word far and wide my darlings!

Orgasmic Partnered Sex! & How This Relates to #OrgasmQuest

Last night I opened up my Ask Box on Tumblr before I put kiddo to bed, planning to answer the questions as my Friday night entertainment. This would have been an entertaining way to spend an evening for me, however my plans changed after the getting child to bed took four times longer than it should have. Instead, I crawled into bed with XVO, we left our computers closed to have some very needed us time.

Part of that very needed us time was incredibly awesome sex, where I had….

The Return of My Universe Creating Orgasms!

Yep, that's an orgasmic smile

Yep, that’s an orgasmic smile

I’m glowing today. One of those glows where you could look at me and go “yeah, she had amazing sex last night.” Which is incredibly accurate. Grand times were had by all, but mostly by me. Afterwards I rocked an intense pleasure high for a good hour, rolling around occasionally cackling about how my Sex Goddess Orgasms were not completely gone. There may have been joyful tears. What can I say, I really fucking missed those.

So! What does this mean? Well, best case option is that the anorgasmia as a side effect of my antidepressant (again, I am on a tricyclic antidepressant called amitriptyline) is fading away, as can happen after the first few months of being on a medication. That’s ideal for me, as it means in a few more weeks/months I could be back to having my masturbatory lifehack back & enjoy being alive!

It could mean that given the right level of intimacy, foreplay, and partnered connection, my empathetic pleasure connection with XVO overrides the anorgasmia. That might be too much “woo” for some people, but I’ve always gotten off on getting other people off, so for me – that’s a thing. We’ve had partnered sex where I’ve had orgasms, but they were light waves of pleasure. No, last night, that was back to creating universes with the power of my orgasm as well as being so multi-orgasmic that I stopped being able to tell when one ended and the next began. Which had been more or less my standard sexual experience.

After my masturbatory Orgasm the other night, I had not been able to recreate the results with the Magic Wand alone, or with the magic wand/Tsunami combo. Today I haven’t had the privacy to see if I can achieve universe creating orgasms on my own, but that will happen. Obviously, I’ll let you know.

Another factor that cannot be ignored is that I am menstruating, so my hormones may have come into play with my ability to orgasm intensely. There is a great deal of we’ll see and perhaps going on with this post. Obviously I need to have a great deal more solo and partnered sex – for science.

For the moment? I’m going to bask in the fact that I came like I’m used to for the first time in months. Tap dancing dildo gods, I needed that. Orgasmic Partnered Sex for the win, for me. Huzzah!

#OrgasmQuest on #GirlBoner Radio & Unboxing of @AshleyManta Love!

While I planned on writing a long piece tonight on a few topics about #OrgasmQuest, the day I had just wiped me completely out. Hopefully tomorrow I’ll have my words back, but now, they are gone. So! I’ve collected all the #selfies from my livetweeting the unboxing of Ashley Manta love for you to enjoy. But first…

#OrgasmQuest on Girl Boner Radio!!!

Another side effect of amitriptyline is dry mouth, which some days makes it really hard for me to speak. Journalists, this is part of why I ask for email interviews versus phone. (Also, my son takes me being on the phone as a personal affront.) Even though I am guzzling water before and through this interview, the dry mouth got me a few times which was frustrating. It’s really hard to make your mouth form words when it feels stuck together. Anyway! We got through it and had a fantastic chat. Really hope that August McLaughlin has me on again, because chatting with her is an absolute joy, one of the highlights of my week. Download the podcast here!

Now, on to the sex toy #selfies!

Want some of these glorious items? Clear your cookies and then click below, the Tantus Duke, Feeldoe Slim, Realdoe, and Echo are all featured above. Also, you can get a Realdoe in the slim size! As Tantus is glorious, 15% off your purchase with the code #OrgasmQuest.

Use discount code "#OrgasmQuest" to get 15% off your entire order!

Use discount code “#OrgasmQuest” to get 15% off your entire order!

#OrgasmQuest Update: It was a Team Effort, but We Have Orgasm!

#OrgasmQuest has been far too much about the media response to Quest and far to little on the actual Quest itself recently, so let’s fix that shall we?

The chance to work on #OrgasmQuest came earlier than usual tonight, but I saw my moment and I embraced it.

That was totally (kinda sorta) an Orgasm!!!

My old orgasmic state spoiled me, oh how it spoiled me, but that folks? That was an orgasm. Vagina contractions, wobble legs and my brain finally registered the pleasure spike along with it. I AM MIGHTY!!!!

 

Crista Anne is Mighty

I am Mighty!!

That’s forever my I AM MIGHTY picture. Anyway! ORGASM HOLY SHIT I MISSED YOU!!!

As mentioned in the title, it was a team effort. Let’s give three cheers to GoodVibes’ Please Cream Lubricant, The Original Magic Wand and what I believe was the star of the show, Tantus’ Tsunami!!!

YES

This is my I Am Mighty I Orgasmed Face!!

Glorious hollow area for a bullet or a finger, which saves my hands from extreme pain

Glorious hollow area for a bullet or a finger, which saves my hands from extreme pain

I do give the Tsunami credit for getting me over the edge. After a liberal application of Please Cream, the size, shape and curve instantly ramped up my baseline pleasure level. I opted to remove the bullet from the base of the tsunami so I could use a finger in the hollow area of the base to keep gentle but constant pressure that was easy on my hands. The vibration from the Magic Wand is gloriously (for me) intense, so when I slid the head of the wand down my vulva to meet the base of the Tsunami, the vibrations transferred through wonderfully. I’m not a huge fan of intense internal vibration, the amount transferred was perfect for me.

This was not a quick and easy Orgasm. Before meds I could orgasm in under five minutes, this was closer to twenty. I did get close a few times over that period, but determination combined with extra rocking motion with the Tsunami did finally get me over the edge. Universes were not created, I did not see stars, the length of the orgasm itself was about a fourth of the earlier version, but I am not complaining! I FUCKING CAME!!!

No, obviously this is not the end of #OrgasmQuest. Need to recreate the results (because science!) Try to see if I am adjusting to the Amitriptyline and the anorgasmic side effect is wearing off naturally, if I can orgasm with a different collection of sex toys, no toys at all, and if I can get those universe creating orgasms back. Massive awesome fantastic stress relieving step forward though. Oh my stars, I needed that.

Of course, because I am me, there were a collection of celebratory selfies taken. Please forgive the darkness, but I snapped them from my rainbow covered quest area within my office.

Tap dancing dildo gods, thank you to my beloved Good Vibes and Tantus, for without them, I’d still be a frustrated little rainbow of a Crista. Now, let’s see what tomorrow holds.

 

(Remember: Tantus will take 15% off your entire order when you use the code “#OrgasmQuest” at checkout) 

Live Tweeting the Grand Unboxing of @Tantus Love

 

I’m *finally* unboxing all my tantus love & live tweeting it @Pinkness.

This is so much fun. Soon there will be a proper post but here is a gallery of the #selfies that I’ve thrown on twitter if you’re just tuning in. Tonight is my night *off* so, self care is in the form of playfulness. Then! Oh the #OrgasmQuest – ing that will happen.

Remember! 15% off your entire purchase with the code #OrgasmQuest!

Use discount code "#OrgasmQuest" to get 15% off your entire order!

Use discount code “#OrgasmQuest” to get 15% off your entire order!

#OrgasmQuest Box of Tantus Love!!

 

#OrgasmQuest Box of Tantus Love!!

The post about how thrilled I was to have Tantus jump on board with #OrgasmQuest got a little lost as it happened in the midst of the Dr Drew show absurdity. Fixing that now, because two segments on a TV show end, but Tantus products last a lifetime. Tuesday, through sleet and snow, a glorious box of wonderful goodies arrived at my door..

Yes, I do live by the "I licked it, IT'S MINE" rule

Yes, I do live by the “I licked it, IT’S MINE” rule

After I finished hugging the box and taking selfies of my joy at the box, I shut myself in my office to find out what was inside. When talking to them about Quest products, I said that I’d yet to meet a Tantus product that I did not love, so please surprise me. I love surprises.

That my darlings, is the glorious Echo Handle in the exquisite swirled blue that most of Sex Toy Twitter has been raving about. Similar to the iconic Echo, this version has extended ergonomic grip at the base to make thrusting easier. The regular Echo has been a favorite of mine for years, I love the consistent G-Spot stimulation that the Echo provides, the ergonomic grip of the Echo Handle is a gift from the tap dancing dildo gods for people with mobility issues (like myself!!) regarding their hands. Also wonderful for those of us who live in bigger bodies! A problem I’ve had with all dildos over the last few years, as my ability to grip has declined, is holding the bases while using them. I love the thrusting motion when using a dildo, but it has been incredibly hard for me to do for more than a few moments. The Echo Handle is about to be a game changer for me.

Opened that package, squealed joyfully across social media about this item, then my life went sideways across the board. Had to stop my gleeful unpacking, close the box back up, and secure it within my closet to return to my main job as Mommy. Since then every time I’ve gone to see what other glory was inside, something has suddenly needed my attention.

You cannot imagine how hard it has been to know they are sitting there waiting for me, but not being able to look. Now I am looking!!

Eeee!!!!!!!

Okay my darlings, behold the beauty above while I tell you what these beautiful sexual tools are. Featured above is the Flex – Limited Edition Dildo! That lovely purple darling with attached soft flexible anal beads. This product is excellent for experimenting with double penetration with the dildo offering that full sensation while small anal beads extend pleasure. Obviously I just pulled this out of the box so I cannot give you my personal take, but I’m excited to report back with my experience.

Maybe you wouldn’t call a butt plug adorable, but that’s always what I’ve thought when I’ve seen the Perfect Plug – adorably perfect. Over the last few years I took a little vacation from anal play, but (heh) I’ve wanted to go back so having this in my box of love thrills me. The Perfect Plug is aptly named in my Professional Opinion. When I worked in Sex Toy Retail, my constant refrain was “your eyes are bigger than your butt” meaning that people always thought they wanted a larger anal toy than they actually did. Even more true for those just starting out. The Perfect Plug is about the width of my ring finger, with a tapered head and narrow neck for the most comfort possible. Also, their new anchor base means that the plug is much more comfortable than the standard round flared base. I cannot wait to lube that bit of perfection up and give it a go.

Remember! When engaging in any kind of anal play, lube is everything. While this was not in my box of love, Tantus carries one of my personal favorite lubes: Sliquid Sassy H2O Backdoor Gel Lubricant. Sliquid products are some of the safest on the market as they do not contain Glycerin & paraben, are 100% vegan, and are entirely made in the USA. This one is a water based gel, so it’s thick but non-staining. If you make the brilliant decision to pick up an anal product from Tantus, add that to your cart too. (Remember: discount code #OrgasmQuest gets you 15% the entire purchase!)

Last but not least, most excitingly even, is the Tsunami in what I like to think of as Crista Pink. I love my Echo, the Tsunami has more prominent waves for G-Spot stimulation and a great gentle curve. BUT WAIT, THERE IS MORE! This has a perfectly flared base for harness compatibility (I cannot wait to put it into my Black Widow Harness) and a spot in the base for the included, surprisingly high powered, bullet. The premium quality silicone that all tantus products are made from transfers vibration incredibly well, so I am always pleased to find that while the vibe is in the base, it carries through the toy. Personally, I tend to use the bullet for direct stimulation on the clitoral head while also enjoying a mild thrusting with the dildo itself.

Surprisingly, that’s not all that is in my box of love! However, my Mom job calls so we shall split this into multiple posts. Soon! The great reveal of the rest of my Box of Tantus Love!

Remember folks, clear your cookies, click my links and then enter code “#OrgasmQuest” to get 15% off your entire order.

Use discount code "#OrgasmQuest" to get 15% off your entire order!

Use discount code “#OrgasmQuest” to get 15% off your entire order!

BEHOLD THE GLORY

A Combination of #OrgasmQuest & Blogging as Therapy

Who I am now, is not the factory standard for Crista.

Crista Anne is Mighty

I am Mighty

This me that you see now, that most of you have always known. This is not who I was born as. Personally, I don’t believe that people don’t change, I know I have. Fundamentally.

This post has been in my head for a few days now, creating itself in my random quiet moments. The times when the shock of everything wears off and I can step back from the chaos that the last bit of my life has been. In those times I’ve let it write itself, waiting for the time when I could sit down and let words fall off my fingertips.

This is not going to be a polished post, because I am not a polished person.

At those point you’ve all heard me say “I came out of the womb depressed, but I also came out of the womb with my hand on my clit.” I’ve left the details of my early depression semi murky, not because I won’t talk about that part of my life, but because I don’t want that part to be twisted or become the focus of the rest of my life, the rest of my Quest. Here it is in rather simple terms.

The Darkest Times:

My Dad, sister and I

My Dad, sister and I

As a young child I suffered a number of deep traumas. Yes, I believe that I was born depressed. That my brain has always had an illness. On top of the “natural” depression, the traumas I survived left me with PTSD. That manifested mostly as intense agoraphobia. I could not leave my house. It wasn’t just that I was shy, I was effectively mute through my elementary school days. A vivid memory for me is one time that I spoke in class, and a peer gasped in shock and exclaimed “I didn’t know she could talk!”. I didn’t have friends, a recesses I wandered around in my own little world alone while kids played around me. Had no interest in friends, other children, other people, they terrified me. Yes, I was that child who wanted books and to play alone.

Eventually my therapists and doctors, because I was getting intense treatment for my mental illnesses, decided that I mentally could not handle being in a public school environment. Thus my homeschooling began. I’ve often said that  was home schooled because I was sick, without disclosing it was because my social anxiety was so intense that I’d pass out from panic attacks at the idea of being around so many people in school. That I hoped that we’d be in a car accident and be killed versus having to go be in intense social situations.

I’m incredibly intelligent. Was home schooled through tutors from the school district, then on our own for my high school years. I opted to get my GED at 17 instead of try to earn enough credits for a HS diploma. At about 16, after years of glorious isolation, I found an amazing therapist who helped me more than anyone can imagine. She treated me on a sliding scale, sometimes for free, because we were in deep poverty but she was making massive progress with me. After two years working with her, I was ready to actually interact with the world.

Came into the world at 17, almost 18, as a blank slate. Had a crash course in social interaction, but had almost nothing in common with my peers. We had none of the same life experiences. I kept most of my first interactions online, in the forms of those early angelfire site “blogs” (though that term hadn’t come into the world yet), and with webcam selfies.

Having been raised in a sex-positive way, I lacked the sexual shame that so many of us have. I lived in a body that was twice the size of the body I live in now, so I had some body image issues, but I was a strange creature. An odd girl. My first jobs were working at hot topic, where I found a delightful group of other strange people to spend time with. (These people, it turns out, were also all Val’s friends, but we narrowly avoided meeting as teenagers many times. That’s a story for another post)

Queer Porn and Side Show Misfits:

I loved taking pictures of myself, I loved “selfies” (but they weren’t called that yet either) and around this time is

See? Told you. The rest of my photos are long gone. One of the few I have left.

See? Told you. The rest of my photos are long gone. One of the few I have left.

when queer porn on the internet started. I was already camming for fun, so I jumped on the idea of getting paid for photosets. Most of the sites I was on are long, long, long gone and forgotten – but NoFauxxx, eventually Indie Porn Revolution, was my main site. Oh, that’s right. I knew Courtney Trouble way back when, though I doubt she remembers me now. I was on that site as “Tryst”. Though queer porn, “Alt pr0n”, I learned to truly love myself, my body and my sexuality. I grew real confidence in myself. My world expanded, I left the house, I interacted with people. Queer porn was really my birth as the person you know now.

I adopted queer porn ethics and politics as my own. Eventually, I moved to Dallas and spent years dating a magician, hanging out with side-show misfits, walking through Deep Ellum fire-breathing for tips and with bands. It was wonderful. I started poly relationships, had my first triad, lived in absurd poverty but had an amazing time. This solidified my desire to live off the beaten path. I couldn’t fathom another way of life.

Sex Toys, Outlaw Dildo Peddler & Sex-Positivity:

Then I found sex toys through sex toy retail. A job I took because they didn’t care that my hair was pink, nor did they have a dress code and I could take as many smoke breaks as I wanted as long as the store was cared for. This is where I discovered my calling in life. Pleasure based sex education and sex toys. These were not progressive stores that I worked in, more your garden variety adult novelty store.

Dildos make me mighty

Dildos make me mighty

The difference between my stores and most others is that at that time, sex toys were illegal in Texas. I was prepped for vice raids. Told that I would be paid 3x my hourly rate if I was arrested until they could get me out. Every day I went to work I faced the very real possibility that I’d be arrested that day. I was hooked though, I loved working with customers to find the right item for them, the risk didn’t matter to me. I was on a mission. I was helping people.

I was also in my early and mid twenties and invincible. Long term consequences of possibly being charged with a sex crime didn’t register to me. I was an outlaw dildo peddler. This is what I was born to do. Made the magical discovery that my anxiety dissipated if I had a dildo in my hand. I could talk to anyone if it was about the store had to offer. I realized early on that many of my customers were telling me things they’d never admitted to anyone else before. That moved me. I took, I still take, that trust seriously. It’s an honor.

As my company didn’t offer much in the way of sex education to their employees, I spent my down time devouring sexuality texts. One day, in the dollar section of half price books, I found Carol Queen‘s Real Live Nude Girl: Chronicles of Sex-Positive Culture. I read that book over and over again until it fell apart. The missing pieces of my identity, the missing bits of the person I wanted to be, were entirely built from Carol Queen’s words. I devoured everything I could find of her words. They became my gospel. Around the same time I met Metis Black on LiveJournal, who amazingly took me under her wing.

I knew of Ducky Doolittle from the cam girl days, I learned of Violet Blue from the early days of sex blogs online. Violet Blue’s Toxic Toys post fueled my passion for safer sex toys. Good Vibrations Guide To Sex became my bible on how to help my customers. Carol Queen’s words were what resonated the most with me. RLNG was the first time I read someone else’s words and felt like they could have been my own.

When I moved up the chain within the chain of stores I worked for and began to have control over hiring, education and inventory, I built my stores on Good Vibrations. Realistically there was only so much I could do while living under the sex toy ban. Educators couldn’t come and teach, we couldn’t hold workshops without fear of police attention. I pushed on though. I did my best.

Time on the Front Lines:

We had protesters. Protesting with the zealotry you see out of anti-choicers. Prayer circles blocking the stores. Stores were vandalized all the time. One of my stores was shot at. I was stalked repeatedly. Some customers tried to negotiate with my boss how much it would be to take me home for the night, as if I was another piece of merchandise. Other times I was assaulted in the stores, grabbed, groped, flashed, backed into corners. At night I had to have armed security in the store with me. That’s before you get back to the point that my job, my career, was illegal. I missed being raided by minutes multiple times.

All of that only made me more passionate. All of that cemented my knowledge that what I was doing was important. That each day I went to work was a revolutionary act. Each time I sold a vibe, I was giving a giant fuck you to the sex-negative world. Felt that I was doing my time on the front lines. Fueled by my foremothers and forefathers in sex activism. Fueled by Betty Dodson. Fueled by Carol Queen. Annie Sprinkle. Metis. Ducky. Violet.

There was very little of sex blogging back in those days, very little online community. Absolutely nothing like there is now. I was in a very remote location as far as sex-positive activism was concerned, I felt incredibly isolated as I fought my good fight. Shortly after the ban was lifted, a day that I will never forget because I collapsed sobbing in relief for hours after I heard the news from Metis, circumstances came up that caused me to leave that job and that life.

Massive shift into Motherhood:

I tried a new way of life, I got married, became a Mom, did some sex blogging and random work within the sex toy world. Wrote blogs under pen names. Sold toys through Love U, which was a venture between Metis and Ducky. I was worn out though, those years of fighting took a lot out of me. Because I was now a Mom, something I never fathomed happening, I tried to keep my profile low while still having some connection to my beloved industry.

Poked my head out a few times, PinkSexGeek did well for a while. Made another re-entrance to the world with dildology200Dildology, but then our personal world fell apart with physical and mental illness taking precedence. Depression and anxiety ate me alive again. I lost so much of what I had gained, falling back into that nearly mute shell of a human I once had been. Over the years though, I had made deep connections with amazing people. Deep connections with my idols. While I was that nearly mute shell, I watched the sex blogging world, the sex toy reviewing world come of age. Grow into this mass that it is now. Quiet, but watching. At turns overjoyed by the amazing wealth of information and connectivity, and horrified by some of what was being put out there.

Again, I pulled myself back up. Scraping and clawing out of darkness, depression, PTSD. Talking with a therapist. Getting emotional support from my beloved and our circle of loves. Being inspired by what my friends were doing. I went back to my roots, I went back to rereading every word of Carol Queen’s I could get my hands on. Remembering who I was, what my passion was. I went back to blogging here. I didn’t promote this site much, life was precarious.

Scraping & Crawling Back Up to Myself & to #OrgasmQuest:

swingsetthumbI kept getting help. Real help. The kids got older, I finally had space to stop being only a Mom-bot. Started recording with Carnalcopia, with Swingset. Met Betty Dodson, who now calls me Sister and emails me to tell me to keep fighting. I got medications again, I don’t have script coverage so medical bills are absolutely financially eating us alive, but I started to get better. Then I got on Amitriptyline, and for the first time in my life I enjoy being alive.

Which brings us to #OrgasmQuest. I never fathomed *this* would happen. I never, ever, ever fathomed that the mute shell of a person, too scared to even eat at a restaurant because I might have to speak to the server, would ever talk over and through Dr fucking Drew live on national tv because I wasn’t done making my point. Because I wasn’t done standing up for myself.

I still can’t believe that happened. I still can’t believe that right fucking now I am on the front page of Cosmopolitan.com. (Maybe not fucking now when you read this, but at the moment of this writing, there I am.) I can’t fucking believe that I’m doing this, that I’m able to do this. That I’m *happy* doing this. Trolling, death threats and all. I’m back on the front lines, defending my passions. I can’t believe that I made it back here, made it back here as the best version of me.

The viral nature of #OrgasmQuest is bound to end soon, but I’m committed to continuing this quest. All of my quests. All of my work, fighting for all of my passions. This post is allowing me to go back through my history for myself and for the people who are now reading me, to understand where I come from. To understand how hard I have fought to get here, and then get here again. Understand how hard I’ll keep fighting to stay here. Not for “fame” or attention, but because I built myself into this fucking badass that I am. I built myself out of Carol Queen’s words, Ani Difranco’s lyrics and a decent whollop of Lisa Frank fantasy.

I did this, I’m proud of this. I’m not letting go. No one is getting rid of me.

#OrgasmQuest Update: @Tantus Is Now An OrgasmQuest Sponsor!

 

Tantus Joins the Good Clean Fun going on here as an #OrgasmQuest Sponsor!

Metis Black has been my mentor and fairy-dildo mother since I was but a wee outlaw dildo peddler, so it only makes sense that Tantus has joined the #OrgasmQuest Sponsor Team. This is absolutely thrilling news for me and for #OrgasmQuest.

Peyton, their absolutely delightful Affiliate Manager, tells me that a delightful box of body safe, premium silicone  surprises is on its way to my door. The moment they arrive, I’ll gleefully document each and every product in my own bright way.

On the off-chance that Tantus is new to you, I’d like to quote from their page about their founding so you understand why I have always supported this company:

Tantus was born from the hope and aspiration to make the lives of people throughout the world fun, worthwhile, and enjoyable. To make ordinary people smile, and challenge the ethos of an industry to bring what everyone truly desires – Sexual Happiness.

Metis Black began making sexual wellness products in late 1997; beautifully hand-poured creations, flaunting enticing colors, requiring hours of sculpting, prototyping and testing, in order to devise a unique and anatomically targeted product. At the time, all silicone products were made using a tin based silicone, common in mold making, but whose base material contained white filler. Black wanted something truly different. She helped develop a process using the highest grades of silicone, of a far superior quality than other industry rivals to create her own unique and pure formula. Not only to be found in small boutiques, but made available to a mass market.

“Here was silicone, the safest material for soft sex toys and you had to be an ‘in the know’ feminist in a big city to know about it. It was my mission to change that. After we got into those markets that were already selling silicone, the already evangelized, we started hitting companies that didn’t know about it.”

Quality and education were the vital and evolving roles of Tantus. Black immersed herself amongst an industry so institutionalized in their practices, (never considering the health consequences of using cheap materials), that evoking sexual health and education was no easy task to bear. She envisioned a product that could derive pleasure and satisfaction, but that was also healthy for the body that people could feel confident in using

It’s been seventeen years since that vision took hold, and Tantus is now thriving more than ever before.

But wait! There’s more!

Tantus is offering a 15% your entire purchase with the use of the discount code “#OrgasmQuest”!!

So clear your web browser cookies and then click one of this beautiful banner to take advantage of this generous offer! Of course, if you’re overwhelmed with your options, please reach out to me via my Contact Page. We can set up time to go over their products using my expertise earned from years of working in sex toy retail. 

Use discount code "#OrgasmQuest" to get 15% off your entire order!

Use discount code “#OrgasmQuest” to get 15% off your entire order!