#OrgasmQuest Turns One

#OrgasmQuest turns one & I’m not what to say.

Baby Crista!!

Selfie from right after I posted the first #OrgasmQuest post

A year ago right now I was wiggling in bed celebrating that I’d made due on a promised blog post…

I’d come up with an idea, found sponsors, and followed through with “Crista and her #OrgasmQuest“. Wriggling happily because I’d been disconnected from my community for a while but this was the start of “dipping my toes” back in. Finally I had a “little project” to contribute with again.

Ha. Ha. Ha!

A year later it’s all a blur of my jaw hanging on the floor. Waking up every morning for weeks going “Okay, where I am covered today?” or “What did I do now?”

As time passed hands began to cover my eyes during that first peek at twitter.

It was a wild, wonderful, scary, intense, and above all else – surreal – experience.

A year later I’m surprised and thankful that so many people have stuck with me through the ups and mostly downs.

#Orgasmquest shirt on for the first time!

The first time I put on my @SheVibe #OrgasmQuest superhero shirt

Honestly, at the moment this sex writer is not all that sexy. Newlywed or not. Masturbation moments are few and far between, pain levels are so in the way that intimacy is mostly cuddling and words of affirmation. (As that’s my main love language, this works wonderfully.) Shortly my medications are going to change as I get back to this glorious world of comprehensive health coverage. Mostly I’m biding my time until that happens, see what challenges or lack of challenges there will be once it begins. As #OrgasmQuest turns one, I may be right back to where I was at the start. Thankfully, if I am, it is with the glorious wisdom about my body that gained.

My energy has been focused on enjoying feeling joyful again, reconnecting with the world, and creating positive routines that I can stick with as I keep climbing out of that depressive hole. Nothing that warrants world-wide media coverage, which is a nice change.

There will be reposting of my favorite #OrgasmQuest articles over the next few days on twitter. My life is about to be packed with all the joys and stresses that come with the holidays in a very blended family. (Juggling the schedules of four households is…let’s go with interesting.)

I’m really looking forward to where #OrgasmQuest will take me in year two.

Rumble – A Vibrator For Every Body

Tantus Launches Crowdfunding Campaign for the RUMBLE – A Vibrator For Every Body!

Tantus Rumble Vibe

While enjoying a few quiet moments inside the Bloggers Lounge at Woodhull, Metis took me aside and handed me the prototype of this beauty. A few second of Vibration against my thigh was all I needed to beg for this beauty to be reality as quickly as possible. See, I love wand style vibes. They are the types of vibes that work best for my body, especially since I began to experience anorgasmia. My Magic Wand and Magic Wand Unplugged have been absolute life & orgasm savers as I’ve made my way through #OrgasmQuest.

I do love both of those wands, and the Magic Wand will forever hold a place in my heart because of its history in bringing femme masturbation via Betty Dodson into the social consciousness. That being said, they are imperfect. The size and weight of the wands make them difficult for extended use, cleaning them can be a nightmare, and they are not remotely discrete. Smaller vibes can do the trick for me and many others, but they often have buzzy vibes versus the deeper rumble that works for a wider variety of bodies.

There is also the fact that many, if not most of these wand vibes are marketed with binary gendered language, which erases the ever-increasing number of folks with non-binary genders or dissuades others from trying because “That’s a sex toy for *blank* gender, not for me.” Now, if a vibrator isn’t your thing period – that’s perfectly fine. If you are one of the millions of people who enjoys the pleasure from a strong, deep rumble though – I’m betting this will be the vibrator for you.

From the IndieGoGo Page:

Tantus, Inc. is a small company with a big commitment to sexual health.
For nearly 20 years, Tantus has manufactured the safest, most pleasurable silicone toys possible for a diverse set of needs and body types. Like all of our sexual health products, we believe vibrators should be accessible, user-friendly, and should work for any body. But we couldn’t find a tech savvy vibrator that met our standards.

That’s why we’ve made Rumble, a vibrator to please every body.

Rumble 2

I love crowdfunding across the board, and am thrilled to see my beloved Tantus making this incredible vibrator possible via IndieGoGo. In case you missed the many links above – visit here for more information on Rumble, how to support the campaign, and the excellent incentives they are offering for donations.

When one of these beauties hits my doorstep I’ll give a more in-depth spotlight and let you know if this moves to the front of my vibrator queue. If those 15 seconds against my leg is any indication though, I’m positive that the Rumble will hit my list of sexual accessories that I cannot live without.

Make Rumble a Reality:

You can support Rumble financially from their IndieGoGo page or through shares.

Of course, I vote you share this post cause I like site traffic, but straight from their page is also awesome.

Spread the word far and wide my darlings!

@GoodVibesToys Is Helping Spread Sex-Positivity To Festival

I love @GoodVibesToys So Very Much. This year they are sponsoring my endless quest to spread Sex Positivity while on our Vacation.

Every year Val and I take a two-week vacation to Brushwood Folklore Center in NY for their two festivals. Brushwood is our home away from home, time where we completely unplug from the outside world and spend quality time with some of our dearest loves who are flung across the country. Last year we started volunteering, both working the gate. With my rainbow wardrobe, I have been christened within the community “Rainbow Brite of the Gate”.

Of course, I’m also known for my train case of sex toys & constant desire to have conversations around Sex Positivity. This community is a beautiful collection of hippies, pagans and free thinkers. These folks are, overall, not very tech savvy or on the web much – so these are people who are already on a sex positive path, but haven’t encountered the larger sex positive community.

This year Good Vibrations has been wonderful enough to send me a large box full of Sliquid Organics and Please Cream in Water & Silicone samples, Glyde condoms in Ultra & Wild Berry &….

  The coveted Rechargeable Magic Wand!

At Catalyst Con East I attended a panel by Carol Queen on What Sex Positivity Is and Isn’t. At the end she implored us to spread the truly positive, inclusive brand of Sex Positivity as much as we could. So I am taking this wonderful opportunity to do so while on our glorious vacation. For when Carol Queen makes a request, you know I’ll find a way to fulfill it.

To my beloved Brushwoodians who may be reading this, Rainbow Brite of the Gate will have all these glorious goodies at Elysium. Please feel free to drop by our camp to chat & check out the glory.

I am a Mighty Happy Crista.

Rainbow Brite of the Gate

Rainbow Brite of the Gate

I Cannot Explain It, but I can Orgasm Again! #OrgasmQuest @JimmyJane & @SheVibe

Perhaps this level of stress has broken my brain? I don’t know why, but I’m reliably having Orgasms with #OrgasmQuest..

Don't ask me, I'm just a queernicorn

Don’t ask me, I’m just a queernicorn

My menstrual cycle is over, my medications have not changed even through this period of extreme stress. No changes in diet as I have friends and loves who remind me to eat when I forget. I have no real explanation for the how or why, but I’m having orgasms. Consistently now.

They are not the Universe Creating, touching the divine orgasms that I previously easily achieved, but they are glorious. Perhaps there is a god and she loves me? I’ve broken my brain operating through this much stress and processing trauma? If anything I would think that my body would be even less likely to process the orgasm, yet here I am.

Yesterday, on a whim, I attempted solo manual stimulation for the first time in weeks and had a delightful orgasm within minutes. The Magic Wand can get me off so quickly there isn’t time to fantasize or get into the experience. Not quite to the point I was at where I could work my PC muscles into a hands free orgasm, but it feels fucking fantastic.

So, I’ve delved into my collection of Quest Items. Let’s talk JimmyJane Form 5 shall we?

Yes, I am officially a fan!

Yes, I am officially a fan!

I’m enamored with this delightful product. When it isn’t being use as intended, I find myself fiddling with it as I write or respond to messages. When I requested to try it out, my main interest was to expand beyond the basic vibes I’ve always relied upon. Using the Form 5 in masturbation (I’ve yet to use it within partnered sex contexts, but that will happen.) is fun! With liberal use of Sliquid h20, I’m pretty sure I could spend hours twirling the supple wings up, down and over my labia. As I have an exceptionally sensitive clitoris, I find the inner bump, or pleasure dome to be perfection with moderate pressure.

Shockingly, I don’t find myself annoyed by the vibration modes. Usually options I don’t even bother with. They’re fun to play with, I find switching between them easy – even with lubed fingers that do not grip well. In the end I could live without them, but unlike 90% of the other vibes I’ve used with patterns, they don’t frustrate me. That’s saying a lot. While I don’t review often, this pussy has experienced more sex toys than I could begin to count.

While not an inexpensive item, if all of my money wasn’t going to a gorram custody battle, I’d be willing to fork over $145 for a delightful, unique and tap dancing dildo gods pleasurable product like the Form 5.

As always, I point you to SheVibe’s page for all the finer details of the Form 5. They do such a wonderful job giving their customers easy to understand information on their products. In case you missed the links before – Check the Form 5 Out Here.

This is the Greatest Header In The History Of Ever

This is the Greatest Header In The History Of Ever

 Disclaimer/Disclosure: SheVibe sent me this delightful vibe in exchange for an honest review, which is exactly what this is. Should you make the wise decision to buy any one for yourself, or any of their other fantastic offerings via my links, I will get a small commission from those sales. That amount of money is not enough to sway the views I’ve expressed here. If you are overwhelmed by your options, I have spent many years working in sex toy retail. You can contact me with questions or to set up a time for us to chat about your sexual accessory needs.

 

Oh My Stars, It’s an #OrgasmQuest Update!

Surprise! An Actual #OrgasmQuest Post!

Now that I have gotten my mental health and personal posts out of my system, it’s been far too long since I’ve updated y’all on Quest. Ready?

Let’s do this.

#OrgasmQuest is now approaching its third month, and progress is absolutely being made. The last proper #OrgasmQuest update was about Orgasmic Partnered Sex – feel free to pause and read back if needed. I left off still in a blissful place from touching my universe creating orgasms, sadly I am here to report that they have not returned.

There is more going on than just the amitriptyline, just before I began that glorious anti-depressant, I also had the mirenda IUD installed. I’ve not used any form of hormonal birth control in over a decade, adjusting to the hormones has been an experience. My cycle is currently unpredictable (as expected), shorter than before (Thank fucking fuck) but my hormones/mood are a force to be reckoned with. Right as I hit my cycle, my orgasmic ability comes back to a degree.

Right now I’m having my cycle, so I made sure to get my self-care/masturbation/Quest time this evening. After just a few minutes with the magic wand on the lower setting and a nice fantasy about a crush of mine, I experienced a delightfully intense wave of multiple body orgasms. Vaginal contractions, I became too sensitive to have the wand touching my vulva any longer, twitching, muscles contracting, back arching. It felt amazing, I was without pain for a period. First time that I’ve had multiple orgasms in what feels like forever.

My brain still did not register the experience as an orgasm, I physically felt the response, but my brain didn’t register the pleasure. Once it was over, I laid in my bed for a while sorting through the sensations. It was great that I got off quickly, great that I was able to have a physical orgasm via clitoral stimulation alone. I did get some pain relief from the orgasms, which is new and a step closer to the Universe Creating Orgasms I’m used to having.

Still not there yet. Trying not to be frustrated.

With partnered sex, to be honest, with our recent stress/illness there hasn’t been a ton of that. Partnered sex is still wonderful, I still crave it, it’s still enjoyable when I do not orgasm. If I do, its gentle waves of pleasure. Lovely, intimate, relationship bonding, but I still miss the extreme pleasure busts.

Snapshot_2015217 (17)Beyond making my dreams come true with the #OrgasmQuest Superhero status, my loves at SheVibe sent me the exquisite Vesper Crave vibrator necklace & the JimmyJane Form5. Need more personal time with both of these delightful items before I write them up, but I’m really excited about both. If you walk into my house for any reason, it’s a guarantee that I’ll be compelled to show them off to you. The necklace is lovely, I wear it daily. The Form5 offers different sensations than any other sex toy I’ve tried, which is wonderful.

Exploring both of them s part of my plans for Quest time this week and I’m very excited. Hiatus over, #OrgasmQuest is still going strong.

This is the Greatest Header In The History Of Ever

This is the Greatest Header In The History Of Ever

Life Goal Completed – I Am a SheVibe Superhero

#OrgasmQuest has gone so far beyond my wildest dreams. Interviewed by Carol Queen. Front page of a number of my favorite sites and blogs. New wonderful friends. Now. Now I’m a Motherfucking SheVibe Superhero and I can cross another item off my list of Life Goals. BEHOLD! Continue reading

Orgasmic Partnered Sex! & How This Relates to #OrgasmQuest

Last night I opened up my Ask Box on Tumblr before I put kiddo to bed, planning to answer the questions as my Friday night entertainment. This would have been an entertaining way to spend an evening for me, however my plans changed after the getting child to bed took four times longer than it should have. Instead, I crawled into bed with XVO, we left our computers closed to have some very needed us time.

Part of that very needed us time was incredibly awesome sex, where I had….

The Return of My Universe Creating Orgasms!

Yep, that's an orgasmic smile

Yep, that’s an orgasmic smile

I’m glowing today. One of those glows where you could look at me and go “yeah, she had amazing sex last night.” Which is incredibly accurate. Grand times were had by all, but mostly by me. Afterwards I rocked an intense pleasure high for a good hour, rolling around occasionally cackling about how my Sex Goddess Orgasms were not completely gone. There may have been joyful tears. What can I say, I really fucking missed those.

So! What does this mean? Well, best case option is that the anorgasmia as a side effect of my antidepressant (again, I am on a tricyclic antidepressant called amitriptyline) is fading away, as can happen after the first few months of being on a medication. That’s ideal for me, as it means in a few more weeks/months I could be back to having my masturbatory lifehack back & enjoy being alive!

It could mean that given the right level of intimacy, foreplay, and partnered connection, my empathetic pleasure connection with XVO overrides the anorgasmia. That might be too much “woo” for some people, but I’ve always gotten off on getting other people off, so for me – that’s a thing. We’ve had partnered sex where I’ve had orgasms, but they were light waves of pleasure. No, last night, that was back to creating universes with the power of my orgasm as well as being so multi-orgasmic that I stopped being able to tell when one ended and the next began. Which had been more or less my standard sexual experience.

After my masturbatory Orgasm the other night, I had not been able to recreate the results with the Magic Wand alone, or with the magic wand/Tsunami combo. Today I haven’t had the privacy to see if I can achieve universe creating orgasms on my own, but that will happen. Obviously, I’ll let you know.

Another factor that cannot be ignored is that I am menstruating, so my hormones may have come into play with my ability to orgasm intensely. There is a great deal of we’ll see and perhaps going on with this post. Obviously I need to have a great deal more solo and partnered sex – for science.

For the moment? I’m going to bask in the fact that I came like I’m used to for the first time in months. Tap dancing dildo gods, I needed that. Orgasmic Partnered Sex for the win, for me. Huzzah!

#OrgasmQuest Update: It was a Team Effort, but We Have Orgasm!

#OrgasmQuest has been far too much about the media response to Quest and far to little on the actual Quest itself recently, so let’s fix that shall we?

The chance to work on #OrgasmQuest came earlier than usual tonight, but I saw my moment and I embraced it.

That was totally (kinda sorta) an Orgasm!!!

My old orgasmic state spoiled me, oh how it spoiled me, but that folks? That was an orgasm. Vagina contractions, wobble legs and my brain finally registered the pleasure spike along with it. I AM MIGHTY!!!!

 

Crista Anne is Mighty

I am Mighty!!

That’s forever my I AM MIGHTY picture. Anyway! ORGASM HOLY SHIT I MISSED YOU!!!

As mentioned in the title, it was a team effort. Let’s give three cheers to GoodVibes’ Please Cream Lubricant, The Original Magic Wand and what I believe was the star of the show, Tantus’ Tsunami!!!

YES

This is my I Am Mighty I Orgasmed Face!!

Glorious hollow area for a bullet or a finger, which saves my hands from extreme pain

Glorious hollow area for a bullet or a finger, which saves my hands from extreme pain

I do give the Tsunami credit for getting me over the edge. After a liberal application of Please Cream, the size, shape and curve instantly ramped up my baseline pleasure level. I opted to remove the bullet from the base of the tsunami so I could use a finger in the hollow area of the base to keep gentle but constant pressure that was easy on my hands. The vibration from the Magic Wand is gloriously (for me) intense, so when I slid the head of the wand down my vulva to meet the base of the Tsunami, the vibrations transferred through wonderfully. I’m not a huge fan of intense internal vibration, the amount transferred was perfect for me.

This was not a quick and easy Orgasm. Before meds I could orgasm in under five minutes, this was closer to twenty. I did get close a few times over that period, but determination combined with extra rocking motion with the Tsunami did finally get me over the edge. Universes were not created, I did not see stars, the length of the orgasm itself was about a fourth of the earlier version, but I am not complaining! I FUCKING CAME!!!

No, obviously this is not the end of #OrgasmQuest. Need to recreate the results (because science!) Try to see if I am adjusting to the Amitriptyline and the anorgasmic side effect is wearing off naturally, if I can orgasm with a different collection of sex toys, no toys at all, and if I can get those universe creating orgasms back. Massive awesome fantastic stress relieving step forward though. Oh my stars, I needed that.

Of course, because I am me, there were a collection of celebratory selfies taken. Please forgive the darkness, but I snapped them from my rainbow covered quest area within my office.

Tap dancing dildo gods, thank you to my beloved Good Vibes and Tantus, for without them, I’d still be a frustrated little rainbow of a Crista. Now, let’s see what tomorrow holds.

 

(Remember: Tantus will take 15% off your entire order when you use the code “#OrgasmQuest” at checkout) 

Crista Anne on #OrgasmQuest–the Carol Queen Interview!

My longtime readers are well aware of this, but for all you wonderful new people, Carol Queen is my idol. Since I discovered her work over a decade ago, my ultimate dream has been to do and put out work that earned her respect. I do mean ultimate dream, it’s what I would have wished for first if I found a magic lamp.

That dream has come true: Carol Queen calls me a “rainbow-colored pleasure revolutionary!”

Everyone who does any sort of sex education or sex therapy has probably heard from people who have issues with orgasm and/or arousal once they go on antidepressants. It’s a terrible conundrum: Sexual dysfunction can itself be an effect of––even diagnostic for––depression, but the treatment for that depression alters brain chemistry and often results in sexual problems too. Blogger Crista Anne is fighting back! With her project #OrgasmQuest she’s shedding light both on depression and sexual response, and her wise words are being heard in perhaps-suprising places: She was interviewed last week by Dr. Drew, got some love from Cosmo, and of course the usual sex-positive and feminist and lady-culture suspects have talked to her too. Now it’s my turn!

Read the Rest at Good Vibes blog

I have so much more to say on this entire experience, but my Mommy Duty calls! While I’m being super Mama, check out my wonderful #OrgasmQuest sponsor, Good Vibes. They are dear to my heart and have had a vital role in my development from Wee Outlaw Dildo Peddler to Rainbow Hued Badass.

BEHOLD THE GLORY

A Combination of #OrgasmQuest & Blogging as Therapy

Who I am now, is not the factory standard for Crista.

Crista Anne is Mighty

I am Mighty

This me that you see now, that most of you have always known. This is not who I was born as. Personally, I don’t believe that people don’t change, I know I have. Fundamentally.

This post has been in my head for a few days now, creating itself in my random quiet moments. The times when the shock of everything wears off and I can step back from the chaos that the last bit of my life has been. In those times I’ve let it write itself, waiting for the time when I could sit down and let words fall off my fingertips.

This is not going to be a polished post, because I am not a polished person.

At those point you’ve all heard me say “I came out of the womb depressed, but I also came out of the womb with my hand on my clit.” I’ve left the details of my early depression semi murky, not because I won’t talk about that part of my life, but because I don’t want that part to be twisted or become the focus of the rest of my life, the rest of my Quest. Here it is in rather simple terms.

The Darkest Times:

My Dad, sister and I

My Dad, sister and I

As a young child I suffered a number of deep traumas. Yes, I believe that I was born depressed. That my brain has always had an illness. On top of the “natural” depression, the traumas I survived left me with PTSD. That manifested mostly as intense agoraphobia. I could not leave my house. It wasn’t just that I was shy, I was effectively mute through my elementary school days. A vivid memory for me is one time that I spoke in class, and a peer gasped in shock and exclaimed “I didn’t know she could talk!”. I didn’t have friends, a recesses I wandered around in my own little world alone while kids played around me. Had no interest in friends, other children, other people, they terrified me. Yes, I was that child who wanted books and to play alone.

Eventually my therapists and doctors, because I was getting intense treatment for my mental illnesses, decided that I mentally could not handle being in a public school environment. Thus my homeschooling began. I’ve often said that  was home schooled because I was sick, without disclosing it was because my social anxiety was so intense that I’d pass out from panic attacks at the idea of being around so many people in school. That I hoped that we’d be in a car accident and be killed versus having to go be in intense social situations.

I’m incredibly intelligent. Was home schooled through tutors from the school district, then on our own for my high school years. I opted to get my GED at 17 instead of try to earn enough credits for a HS diploma. At about 16, after years of glorious isolation, I found an amazing therapist who helped me more than anyone can imagine. She treated me on a sliding scale, sometimes for free, because we were in deep poverty but she was making massive progress with me. After two years working with her, I was ready to actually interact with the world.

Came into the world at 17, almost 18, as a blank slate. Had a crash course in social interaction, but had almost nothing in common with my peers. We had none of the same life experiences. I kept most of my first interactions online, in the forms of those early angelfire site “blogs” (though that term hadn’t come into the world yet), and with webcam selfies.

Having been raised in a sex-positive way, I lacked the sexual shame that so many of us have. I lived in a body that was twice the size of the body I live in now, so I had some body image issues, but I was a strange creature. An odd girl. My first jobs were working at hot topic, where I found a delightful group of other strange people to spend time with. (These people, it turns out, were also all Val’s friends, but we narrowly avoided meeting as teenagers many times. That’s a story for another post)

Queer Porn and Side Show Misfits:

I loved taking pictures of myself, I loved “selfies” (but they weren’t called that yet either) and around this time is

See? Told you. The rest of my photos are long gone. One of the few I have left.

See? Told you. The rest of my photos are long gone. One of the few I have left.

when queer porn on the internet started. I was already camming for fun, so I jumped on the idea of getting paid for photosets. Most of the sites I was on are long, long, long gone and forgotten – but NoFauxxx, eventually Indie Porn Revolution, was my main site. Oh, that’s right. I knew Courtney Trouble way back when, though I doubt she remembers me now. I was on that site as “Tryst”. Though queer porn, “Alt pr0n”, I learned to truly love myself, my body and my sexuality. I grew real confidence in myself. My world expanded, I left the house, I interacted with people. Queer porn was really my birth as the person you know now.

I adopted queer porn ethics and politics as my own. Eventually, I moved to Dallas and spent years dating a magician, hanging out with side-show misfits, walking through Deep Ellum fire-breathing for tips and with bands. It was wonderful. I started poly relationships, had my first triad, lived in absurd poverty but had an amazing time. This solidified my desire to live off the beaten path. I couldn’t fathom another way of life.

Sex Toys, Outlaw Dildo Peddler & Sex-Positivity:

Then I found sex toys through sex toy retail. A job I took because they didn’t care that my hair was pink, nor did they have a dress code and I could take as many smoke breaks as I wanted as long as the store was cared for. This is where I discovered my calling in life. Pleasure based sex education and sex toys. These were not progressive stores that I worked in, more your garden variety adult novelty store.

Dildos make me mighty

Dildos make me mighty

The difference between my stores and most others is that at that time, sex toys were illegal in Texas. I was prepped for vice raids. Told that I would be paid 3x my hourly rate if I was arrested until they could get me out. Every day I went to work I faced the very real possibility that I’d be arrested that day. I was hooked though, I loved working with customers to find the right item for them, the risk didn’t matter to me. I was on a mission. I was helping people.

I was also in my early and mid twenties and invincible. Long term consequences of possibly being charged with a sex crime didn’t register to me. I was an outlaw dildo peddler. This is what I was born to do. Made the magical discovery that my anxiety dissipated if I had a dildo in my hand. I could talk to anyone if it was about the store had to offer. I realized early on that many of my customers were telling me things they’d never admitted to anyone else before. That moved me. I took, I still take, that trust seriously. It’s an honor.

As my company didn’t offer much in the way of sex education to their employees, I spent my down time devouring sexuality texts. One day, in the dollar section of half price books, I found Carol Queen‘s Real Live Nude Girl: Chronicles of Sex-Positive Culture. I read that book over and over again until it fell apart. The missing pieces of my identity, the missing bits of the person I wanted to be, were entirely built from Carol Queen’s words. I devoured everything I could find of her words. They became my gospel. Around the same time I met Metis Black on LiveJournal, who amazingly took me under her wing.

I knew of Ducky Doolittle from the cam girl days, I learned of Violet Blue from the early days of sex blogs online. Violet Blue’s Toxic Toys post fueled my passion for safer sex toys. Good Vibrations Guide To Sex became my bible on how to help my customers. Carol Queen’s words were what resonated the most with me. RLNG was the first time I read someone else’s words and felt like they could have been my own.

When I moved up the chain within the chain of stores I worked for and began to have control over hiring, education and inventory, I built my stores on Good Vibrations. Realistically there was only so much I could do while living under the sex toy ban. Educators couldn’t come and teach, we couldn’t hold workshops without fear of police attention. I pushed on though. I did my best.

Time on the Front Lines:

We had protesters. Protesting with the zealotry you see out of anti-choicers. Prayer circles blocking the stores. Stores were vandalized all the time. One of my stores was shot at. I was stalked repeatedly. Some customers tried to negotiate with my boss how much it would be to take me home for the night, as if I was another piece of merchandise. Other times I was assaulted in the stores, grabbed, groped, flashed, backed into corners. At night I had to have armed security in the store with me. That’s before you get back to the point that my job, my career, was illegal. I missed being raided by minutes multiple times.

All of that only made me more passionate. All of that cemented my knowledge that what I was doing was important. That each day I went to work was a revolutionary act. Each time I sold a vibe, I was giving a giant fuck you to the sex-negative world. Felt that I was doing my time on the front lines. Fueled by my foremothers and forefathers in sex activism. Fueled by Betty Dodson. Fueled by Carol Queen. Annie Sprinkle. Metis. Ducky. Violet.

There was very little of sex blogging back in those days, very little online community. Absolutely nothing like there is now. I was in a very remote location as far as sex-positive activism was concerned, I felt incredibly isolated as I fought my good fight. Shortly after the ban was lifted, a day that I will never forget because I collapsed sobbing in relief for hours after I heard the news from Metis, circumstances came up that caused me to leave that job and that life.

Massive shift into Motherhood:

I tried a new way of life, I got married, became a Mom, did some sex blogging and random work within the sex toy world. Wrote blogs under pen names. Sold toys through Love U, which was a venture between Metis and Ducky. I was worn out though, those years of fighting took a lot out of me. Because I was now a Mom, something I never fathomed happening, I tried to keep my profile low while still having some connection to my beloved industry.

Poked my head out a few times, PinkSexGeek did well for a while. Made another re-entrance to the world with dildology200Dildology, but then our personal world fell apart with physical and mental illness taking precedence. Depression and anxiety ate me alive again. I lost so much of what I had gained, falling back into that nearly mute shell of a human I once had been. Over the years though, I had made deep connections with amazing people. Deep connections with my idols. While I was that nearly mute shell, I watched the sex blogging world, the sex toy reviewing world come of age. Grow into this mass that it is now. Quiet, but watching. At turns overjoyed by the amazing wealth of information and connectivity, and horrified by some of what was being put out there.

Again, I pulled myself back up. Scraping and clawing out of darkness, depression, PTSD. Talking with a therapist. Getting emotional support from my beloved and our circle of loves. Being inspired by what my friends were doing. I went back to my roots, I went back to rereading every word of Carol Queen’s I could get my hands on. Remembering who I was, what my passion was. I went back to blogging here. I didn’t promote this site much, life was precarious.

Scraping & Crawling Back Up to Myself & to #OrgasmQuest:

swingsetthumbI kept getting help. Real help. The kids got older, I finally had space to stop being only a Mom-bot. Started recording with Carnalcopia, with Swingset. Met Betty Dodson, who now calls me Sister and emails me to tell me to keep fighting. I got medications again, I don’t have script coverage so medical bills are absolutely financially eating us alive, but I started to get better. Then I got on Amitriptyline, and for the first time in my life I enjoy being alive.

Which brings us to #OrgasmQuest. I never fathomed *this* would happen. I never, ever, ever fathomed that the mute shell of a person, too scared to even eat at a restaurant because I might have to speak to the server, would ever talk over and through Dr fucking Drew live on national tv because I wasn’t done making my point. Because I wasn’t done standing up for myself.

I still can’t believe that happened. I still can’t believe that right fucking now I am on the front page of Cosmopolitan.com. (Maybe not fucking now when you read this, but at the moment of this writing, there I am.) I can’t fucking believe that I’m doing this, that I’m able to do this. That I’m *happy* doing this. Trolling, death threats and all. I’m back on the front lines, defending my passions. I can’t believe that I made it back here, made it back here as the best version of me.

The viral nature of #OrgasmQuest is bound to end soon, but I’m committed to continuing this quest. All of my quests. All of my work, fighting for all of my passions. This post is allowing me to go back through my history for myself and for the people who are now reading me, to understand where I come from. To understand how hard I have fought to get here, and then get here again. Understand how hard I’ll keep fighting to stay here. Not for “fame” or attention, but because I built myself into this fucking badass that I am. I built myself out of Carol Queen’s words, Ani Difranco’s lyrics and a decent whollop of Lisa Frank fantasy.

I did this, I’m proud of this. I’m not letting go. No one is getting rid of me.

Crista Anne is Mighty

#OrgasmQuest Interview in Cosmo – It’s so Good I Proposed to the Author

So, I’m going to be honest here, I’ve not been a fan of Cosmopolitan, for all the reasons you can probably guess. I felt they were feeding the monster of our culturally unrealistic expectations for women across the board. Have been so vocally anti-cosmo that someone sent me a subscription as a joke and I spent a year mocking the articles on my facebook. From then on, I paid no attention to the magazine or the website.

So when a little birdie in the from of Rachel Kramer Bussel said that Cosmo would be reaching out to me about an interview, I seriously considered not doing it. Didn’t think they were a good venue for my story, I was concerned they would twist my words for sensationalism, that #OrgasmQuest would be clickbait and nothing more. However, Rachel told me that she was friends with Lane Moore, their online Sex & Relationships editor who would be doing the interview, I opted to trust her and do it.

The minute Lane and I started talking, I was thrilled I listened to Rachel. Lane is wonderful. Fucking wonderful. The interview was glorious, and by the end of our chat I had some serious journalist crush going on. This week has been just a little busy for me  – *manic laughter here* – so I had not even looked at Cosmopolitan.com. After my interviews for the day, I checked them out and was astounded. This was not the Cosmo I remembered. Articles on consent culture, queerness, life outside the gender binary.

I spent most of my day in an awesome photoshoot where the best pictures of me I’ve ever seen were taken, as soon as it wrapped I opened my laptop at the exact moment Lane emailed me to let me know the interview was live. After reading it, I may have proposed marriage. Lane accepted, we’re now planning a Rainbow Glitter Queer as Fuck wedding. Maybe we’ll meet in person first, maybe not. Yunno, I roll with whatever.

Here is a snippet from the interview, then click the read more to get all the wonderful. Click share to spread the glorious. Then keep reading and be as amazed as I am because y’all? Cosmopolitan.com is 1000% different.

Is your partner helping in your orgasm quest or is it just you by yourself?
My partner Val, he’s everything. He’s involved with virtually everything I do. As far as my masturbation is concerned, my masturbation is a solo thing. That’s just me.

How often do sex toys come into play? Are you mostly using them?
I mostly use sex toys. I actually have a Hitachi Magic Wand in my hand at this moment in time.

[Laughs] Are you masturbating right now?
I am not masturbating right now, because trust me, you would hear this thing. It’s not even plugged in. I do use sex toys every time. One of the many benefits about the deep vibration that come from a Magic Wand is that it’s a vibration that not only stimulates the clitoral head and the clitoral lobe, but all of the clitoral nerves that are spreading through the vulva, and use of a few strong vibration repeatedly over time can, and I want to emphasize the “can” there, can help turn back on those nerves. And so what I am experiencing, I’ve been using the Magic Wand for about 15 minutes every day, and I went from not having orgasms to two and a half, three weeks later, to starting to have the vaginal-contracting orgasms. Like, I’m not feeling the orgasm in my brain or through my body, but I am having the vaginal contractions. And then the last time I used it, my legs wobbled. So I’m getting there. It’s going to be a process.

Meet the Mom Who’s Fighting Her Depression With an Orgasm a Day

I also really loved that the article closes with this from me: “I didn’t stop being a sexual person when I had babies, and the stigma around moms having sex lives is bullshit. They have a happy mom who loves herself.

#OrgasmQuest: 3 Week Update Featuring The Liberator Ramp via @SheVibe

I love SheVibe.

The wonderful folks at SheVibe are people I consider good friends, they were early supporters of Dildology, and we’ve had grand times at conferences together. When I told Sandra about #OrgasmQuest, she gave me free choice of their inventory on what I thought would help my quest the most. Immediately, I picked out The Liberator Ramp because I knew it would be helpful.

Here’s Why:

#OrgasmQuest is focused on my masturbatory orgasms though antidepressants, my partnered sex life with Val continues to be incredible. An issue I have with both masturbation and partnered sex is discomfort staying in various sexual positions due to Fibromyalgia. My limbs are sore or give out quickly, I need a great deal of ergonomic support in all areas of my life, support sexually has been at the top of my list for a while. With or without amitriptyline in my system, if I am in a ton of pain, pleasure is impossible.

So let’s talk about Liberator. I’ve not always been a fan of their PR, they’ve put out some downright misogynistic marketing tweets in the past. (It appears those have all been deleted) That issue seems to have been rectified. (I’m putting that in this review because I was one of the voices of dissent at the time.) Their marketing may have an iffy past, but their products are incredible.

They call the foam core of their products “Champagne Foam”. Okay. What I can say is that the foam core stabilizes, cushions and supports my body in a way that no other configuration of memory foam pillows has. The microfiber cover feels wonderful against my skin, which is wonderful because I do have texture issues. The cover also zips off and is machine washable. Getting the cover on and off is surprisingly easy, even with my weak grip.

Call me vanilla all you want, I love missionary. The lift from the liberator ramp makes that position feel more intimate, our bodies are closer, and I find that it is easier to get deeper penetration – something I am a huge fan of. Laid over the top of the ramp, I can grip the bottom comfortably for stability. My hips are cushioned and I am able to stay in that receiving position longer than before.

For masturbation, I’m a lay on my back kind of person. The elevation makes handling insert-able dildos easier. When using the Magic Wand, I can rest my elbow by my side which means that I can handle the weight of that beast longer. I’m in an elevated, cushioned, comfortable spot for #OrgasmQuest time, which makes a wonderful difference.

The last time we used the ramp, I laid on it for a good ten minutes asking Val if I could just please lay on it naked for the rest of my days and he could just enter me whenever he wanted. Apparently that’s not possible because I still need to parent. Sigh

Which brings me to storage. This sucker is big, there is no denying that. Zipped up it slides under the bed or sits in the closet taking up about as much space as a large suitcase. However, I’ll be honest. I wash the cover immediately after use, and then keep it at the end of our bed so the kids can race their cars down it. The toddlers think it’s the coolest thing ever. I’ve had arguments that the ramp is mine and that they cannot take it into the playroom to roll down.

When not being a car ramp, I lay across it while writing or watching TV. I’ve slept on it a few times because apparently the elevation takes my snoring down to a tolerable level for Val. Well, until I roll over. My ramp has become another wonderful life hack. My *only* complaint is that I really could use a handle or two on the side for moving it around with my mobility issues. Obviously I make it work, but a handle would make a wonderful product even more incredible. I may not have my masturbatory orgasms back YET, but I can honestly say that the ramp is an incredibly useful sexual tool for meeting my goal.

For more information on the specifics of the ramp itself, I invite you to visit SheVibe’s page for the Liberator Ramp. One of the many things I love about SheVibe’s website is the glorious amount of product information they make available to their customers. Trying to duplicate it here would not do them justice.

I also love their artistry, so I will close with this wonderful large banner for SheVibe, because it makes me happy. (Also, one of my goals in life is to be drawn as a SheVibe superhero. Ahem. Just sayin.)

 Disclaimer/Disclosure: SheVibe sent me this glorious ramp in exchange for an honest review, which is exactly what this is. Should you make the wise decision to buy any one for yourself, or any of their other fantastic offerings via my links, I will get a small commission from those sales. That amount of money is not enough to sway the views I’ve expressed here. If you are overwhelmed by your options, I have spent many years working in sex toy retail. You can contact me with questions or to set up a time for us to chat about your sexual accessory needs.
Yes, Uniqueern

Microblogging: Today’s look is brought to you by FuckItAll & @UrbanDecay

Crista Anne is Mighty

I am Mighty

Microblogging: Today’s look is brought to you by fuckitall & Urban Decay’s Smoked palette. (It’s on sale for $20 right now, I make no money if you buy one, but it’s totally worth it if you want fierce eyes.)

Not gonna lie, I’m a little stressed and really gorramn annoyed about a few things. So I’ve put on my “I am mighty” fierce eye-shadow. Makeup is art on my face, and sometimes a protective barrier. Today, it’s a bit of both.

Also my bra is pretty damn cute.

PS. Urban Decay should totally sponsor me between my endless rambling about them and the thread derailment on the Jezebel article. Just sayin.

Edited to add: I’ve decided to spend part of my afternoon with my Original Magic Wand working on #OrgasmQuest. Dressed as a unicorn (Uniqueern?)

As you do.

Yes, Uniqueern

Uniqueern?

#OrgasmQuest: 3 Week Update Featuring The Original Magic Wand

Betty Fucking Dodson

Betty Fucking Dodson

Everyone* should own an Original Magic Wand Vibrator.

*Everyone who is interested in using a wand vibrator that is. I firmly believe this is a sexual tool box Must Have, something I’ve said for over a decade. The power the magic wand provides is unmatched, stimulating not only the tip of the clitoris, but all those glorious nerve endings through the vulva. Don’t own a vulva? I’ve yet to meet a penis owner who has tried a magic wand and disliked the sensations it provides. (EDIT: After posting one reached out to me! I can admit when I’m wrong.) Plus, these darlings are made to last – decades in many cases. If you are a person who is interested in strong vibrating stimulation, you should own one. Period. (Quick magic wand hack: if you find you go numb from intense vibes, try using a blanket/soft pants between the vibe and your body.)

 Pause reading now, & go buy one at Good Vibes. This post will be here when you get back.

Back now? Your Magic Wand is on it’s way?

Awesome.

You won’t be disappointed.

As stated in my Life on the Swingset Review, I don’t review products overall. Tons of folks have that down well, you can find many of the best on my sidebar. What I am doing here is sharing how this product is functioning within my #OrgasmQuest, this is the first update in an ongoing series. Let me tell you now, the Magic Wand will be spotlighted often.

Three weeks into my quest, two weeks into using the Original Magic Wand daily, I have mixed results to share. Let’s go back to what I said in the original #OrgasmQuest post:

My fibro med changes the way my brain interprets nerve sensation, so I’m going full power. I love my tango, but what my body needs is full clitoral stimulation covering my vulva, exactly what a wand style vibe achieves. This might not be an instant success, but long-term stimulation should do the trick.

Using the magic wand feels…well, magical. The full vulva stimulation is glorious, I’m instantly both relaxed and aroused. The high setting is on the buzzy side, the lower setting has a good rumble. Good Vibes was generous enough to send me a Pop Your Top Kit, the black ridged Pop Top is by far my favorite. (Tip for getting the Pop Tops on. Flip them inside out, match to the head of the wand, roll down and instant perfect fit!) I’m a ridged texture kind of person, so lubed up with Good Vibes Please Cream, the sensations are glorious. My masturbatory position is on my back while propped up with pillows so I can ride the bulbous end to my heart’s content. Let me emphasis this again: feels fucking amazing. I feel like a Sex Goddess while using it.

Still, I’m not orgasming yet. The sensations, the pleasure is incredible, I’m right there on the edge…I stay there on the edge..but the universe creating orgasm does not come. Not the Magic Wand’s fault though, I feel that the medication is still messing with how clitoral nerve stimulation is processed within my brain. The last two times I have used the Magic Wand I’ve felt the vaginal contractions that go along with my orgasm, my brain just isn’t cooperating that I should be having an out-of-body orgasmic experience along with those contractions.

The vaginal contractions are a huge and exciting step forward! The Original Magic Wand and I are headed in the right direction! We just need more time, which doesn’t completely surprise me as I suspected that long-term regular stimulation was going to be required. Mixed results, but with the recent addition of the vaginal contractions, I’m positive I’m on the right path.

My Next Step:

I also have a black Pop Tops Deluxe Silicone G-Spotter, which I have *not* tried yet. Want to spend another week with the full vulva stimulation before I move on to adding internal. Taking it slow here, but internal toys have rarely worked for me. Give myself another week to adjust to both medication and regular stimulation, then I’ll try mixing it up. My mind is open, maybe the G-Spotter will do the trick.

I’ll let you know.

 Disclaimer/Disclosure: Good Vibes sent me these glorious items in exchange for an honest review, which is exactly what this is. Should you make the wise decision to buy any or all of these products via my links, I will get a small commission from those sales. That amount of money is not enough to sway the views I’ve expressed here.