Shameless Self Promotion: @Kinkly Top 100 Sex Bloggers 2015

Kinkly Top 100 Sex Bloggers 2015 Voting Has Begun!

We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again: Sex bloggers are our superheroes. And we know we aren’t the only ones looking to them for advice. It’s why we do our best to feature their sites in our Sex Blogger Directory and our Sex Blogger of the Month feature, and why we link directly to their sex toy reviews in our Sex Toy Directory. It’s also why we published and promoted the very best sex bloggers we could find in 2013 and 2014. Now it’s that time of year again, and we’re on the hunt for the Sex Blogging Superheroes of 2015. We’re looking for the sparkliest, most well-loved, most sex-positive blogs out there – and we need your help to find them!

Have a favorite sex blogger you want to nominate? Here’s how it works:

  • Find your favorite blogger in our Sex Blogger Directory. (If you’d like to submit your own blog, you can do so here.)
  • Click on your favorite bloggers and click Vote For Me button on their page. You can vote for as many blogs as you’d like, but you’ll only be counted once for each blogger.
  • We’ll read through every blog with at least five votes and choose our top 100 favorites based on writing quality, posting frequency and sex-positive content.
  • Only blogs that receive at least five votes by October 7th, 2015, will be counted!

I have been honored & amazed that this little site of mine has stayed within Kinkly’s Top 100 Blogs in their blogger directory through the chaos, stress and pain that has been 2015 for us. The Madness (Our custody battle) forced a hiatus, stopping #OrgasmQuest and many other projects in their tracks. Since that point my work went from being on the front lines battling various stigmas to working behind the scenes with entities like Woodhull Sexual Freedom Alliance, their Family Matters Project and mentoring other writers.

While I am still recovering from the months of crushing hell, each day I get a bit closer to where I want to be.  Too much continues to be in the air, but I’m not going anywhere. If you’ve enjoyed my work, please take a second to vote for this site. It’s easy-peasy: Click here for my Blogger Profile, then click the lovely pink button that says “click here to vote”! You can vote for as many sites as you like, so I urge you to go through the list and vote for your other favorite sites. (I just cramped a finger voting for all my personal faves!)

My impressive ego thanks you in advance <3

Mentally hugging each and every one of you.

Mentally hugging each and every one of you.

@GoodVibesToys Is Helping Spread Sex-Positivity To Festival

I love @GoodVibesToys So Very Much. This year they are sponsoring my endless quest to spread Sex Positivity while on our Vacation.

Every year Val and I take a two-week vacation to Brushwood Folklore Center in NY for their two festivals. Brushwood is our home away from home, time where we completely unplug from the outside world and spend quality time with some of our dearest loves who are flung across the country. Last year we started volunteering, both working the gate. With my rainbow wardrobe, I have been christened within the community “Rainbow Brite of the Gate”.

Of course, I’m also known for my train case of sex toys & constant desire to have conversations around Sex Positivity. This community is a beautiful collection of hippies, pagans and free thinkers. These folks are, overall, not very tech savvy or on the web much – so these are people who are already on a sex positive path, but haven’t encountered the larger sex positive community.

This year Good Vibrations has been wonderful enough to send me a large box full of Sliquid Organics and Please Cream in Water & Silicone samples, Glyde condoms in Ultra & Wild Berry &….

  The coveted Rechargeable Magic Wand!

At Catalyst Con East I attended a panel by Carol Queen on What Sex Positivity Is and Isn’t. At the end she implored us to spread the truly positive, inclusive brand of Sex Positivity as much as we could. So I am taking this wonderful opportunity to do so while on our glorious vacation. For when Carol Queen makes a request, you know I’ll find a way to fulfill it.

To my beloved Brushwoodians who may be reading this, Rainbow Brite of the Gate will have all these glorious goodies at Elysium. Please feel free to drop by our camp to chat & check out the glory.

I am a Mighty Happy Crista.

Rainbow Brite of the Gate

Rainbow Brite of the Gate

I Cannot Explain It, but I can Orgasm Again! #OrgasmQuest @JimmyJane & @SheVibe

Perhaps this level of stress has broken my brain? I don’t know why, but I’m reliably having Orgasms with #OrgasmQuest..

Don't ask me, I'm just a queernicorn

Don’t ask me, I’m just a queernicorn

My menstrual cycle is over, my medications have not changed even through this period of extreme stress. No changes in diet as I have friends and loves who remind me to eat when I forget. I have no real explanation for the how or why, but I’m having orgasms. Consistently now.

They are not the Universe Creating, touching the divine orgasms that I previously easily achieved, but they are glorious. Perhaps there is a god and she loves me? I’ve broken my brain operating through this much stress and processing trauma? If anything I would think that my body would be even less likely to process the orgasm, yet here I am.

Yesterday, on a whim, I attempted solo manual stimulation for the first time in weeks and had a delightful orgasm within minutes. The Magic Wand can get me off so quickly there isn’t time to fantasize or get into the experience. Not quite to the point I was at where I could work my PC muscles into a hands free orgasm, but it feels fucking fantastic.

So, I’ve delved into my collection of Quest Items. Let’s talk JimmyJane Form 5 shall we?

Yes, I am officially a fan!

Yes, I am officially a fan!

I’m enamored with this delightful product. When it isn’t being use as intended, I find myself fiddling with it as I write or respond to messages. When I requested to try it out, my main interest was to expand beyond the basic vibes I’ve always relied upon. Using the Form 5 in masturbation (I’ve yet to use it within partnered sex contexts, but that will happen.) is fun! With liberal use of Sliquid h20, I’m pretty sure I could spend hours twirling the supple wings up, down and over my labia. As I have an exceptionally sensitive clitoris, I find the inner bump, or pleasure dome to be perfection with moderate pressure.

Shockingly, I don’t find myself annoyed by the vibration modes. Usually options I don’t even bother with. They’re fun to play with, I find switching between them easy – even with lubed fingers that do not grip well. In the end I could live without them, but unlike 90% of the other vibes I’ve used with patterns, they don’t frustrate me. That’s saying a lot. While I don’t review often, this pussy has experienced more sex toys than I could begin to count.

While not an inexpensive item, if all of my money wasn’t going to a gorram custody battle, I’d be willing to fork over $145 for a delightful, unique and tap dancing dildo gods pleasurable product like the Form 5.

As always, I point you to SheVibe’s page for all the finer details of the Form 5. They do such a wonderful job giving their customers easy to understand information on their products. In case you missed the links before – Check the Form 5 Out Here.

This is the Greatest Header In The History Of Ever

This is the Greatest Header In The History Of Ever

 Disclaimer/Disclosure: SheVibe sent me this delightful vibe in exchange for an honest review, which is exactly what this is. Should you make the wise decision to buy any one for yourself, or any of their other fantastic offerings via my links, I will get a small commission from those sales. That amount of money is not enough to sway the views I’ve expressed here. If you are overwhelmed by your options, I have spent many years working in sex toy retail. You can contact me with questions or to set up a time for us to chat about your sexual accessory needs.

 

Reclaiming My Universe Creating Orgasm – #BOAW15 #OrgasmQuest

The long reclamation of my inner Sex Goddess

As my regular readers know – and now a good deal of the world – I’ve been on an #OrgasmQuest since December. Let me give a “quick” overview for any new readers: My identity has been in constant flux, ever-changing, but two things have been constants. I have Major Depressive Disorder and Empowered Sexuality. I came out of the womb depressed, but I also came out of the womb with a hand on my clitoris. Never shamed for exploring my body, I was taught early on that it was my “feeling good stuff”, it was a private experience and when I needed Feeling Good Stuff Time, I should do so in the privacy of my bedroom. This started my life long love of masturbation.

When I am in dark places due to my mental illness, I can orgasm as a way to remind myself that there are pleasurable feeling to be had. Not a cure for my depression, not a fix, but a tool that I’ve used as long as I can remember to keep myself going. My ability to find pleasure in the darkness saved me more times than I can count.

The added bonus from a lifetime of masturbation is that I have always been highly orgasmic. As an adult, I experienced orgasms that felt like touching the divine. While the label of my sexuality has often been in flux, that I am a highly sexual creäture has been a constant.

Five years ago I became a mother, which changed endless aspects of my life. It’s nearly impossible to feel sexy when your almost dying of sleep deprivation, covered in goodness knows what, your will overridden by that tiny person I created. Again, masturbatory orgasms helped me. I was able to remind myself that while everything else seemed to have dramatically changed, for a few moments I could be blissful.

After my second child, creating a life with my Partner-In-Everything, XVO, and adding his children into the mix – my depression became more than I could handle on my own. I found an amazing doctor and we decided to try an older antidepressant to help me. Oh, does it help me. On Amitriptyline for the first time in my life I truly enjoy being alive. My mental health is finally at a place where I can stay that I’m good.

The drawback is that one of the side effects is Anorgasmia – the inability to orgasm even with proper stimulation. This side effect affects countless people and there is a deep stigma about speaking aloud about how disruptive losing orgasm or libido can be on the entirety of someone’s life. So, I’m fighting back. This medication works on every other level, so I am uninterested in changing medications. I opted to go on a public #OrgasmQuest, and have invited anyone who is interested to read along with my journey.

This brings you up to speed on #OrgasmQuest, but Quest isn’t all that I am doing to reclaim my Sexual Goddess status. Motherhood, parenting, these are also huge stumbling blocks on the path to empowered sexuality. I am a queer woman in an open partnership, so I cultivate passionate friendships as I can. Make time for myself to be something other than Mama, stepping away from my motherhood role and passing the torch to the other parents in our world.

What does that look like for me? I revel in my beauty, my sexuality, through selfies. My career is that of a sexuality writer and educator – specializing in sex toys, so I write here in non explicit but frank terms about my masturbation and sex toy use. I put on elaborate makeup for myself, when I want to feel beautiful and empowered even though all I may do that day is write and clean the house. I make space for intimacy with my love. Flirt with trusted friends. As I work from home, I play with wild hair colors and vibrant clothing.

My universe creating orgasms have yet to fully return. Had one blissful evening when hormones overrode the side effects and I touched the divine again and again, but over all I’m not where I want to be. Most of my orgasms are physical now, vaginal contractions, wobbly legs, but my brain doesn’t experience the pleasure spike. This is progress though, and I have no plans on ending my Quest any time soon.

This may sound to woo” for some of my readers, I understand, it’s a little to woo for me too. However, I do feel a connection to Inanna, my personal spiritual path is close to that of paganism, and she is my Goddess. I am connected to the sacred whore and see myself as one. I refuse to lose this vital piece of my identity in exchange for finally having relief from most of my mental illness.

If you value pleasure, and I do make room for people who do not because that is a valid way to feel, I believe it is your birthright. I know that pleasure is mine, I revel in the pleasures that I can find now, and continue to fight to regain the fullness of my inner Sex Goddess.

#OrgasmQuest Box of Tantus Love!!

 

#OrgasmQuest Box of Tantus Love!!

The post about how thrilled I was to have Tantus jump on board with #OrgasmQuest got a little lost as it happened in the midst of the Dr Drew show absurdity. Fixing that now, because two segments on a TV show end, but Tantus products last a lifetime. Tuesday, through sleet and snow, a glorious box of wonderful goodies arrived at my door..

Yes, I do live by the "I licked it, IT'S MINE" rule

Yes, I do live by the “I licked it, IT’S MINE” rule

After I finished hugging the box and taking selfies of my joy at the box, I shut myself in my office to find out what was inside. When talking to them about Quest products, I said that I’d yet to meet a Tantus product that I did not love, so please surprise me. I love surprises.

That my darlings, is the glorious Echo Handle in the exquisite swirled blue that most of Sex Toy Twitter has been raving about. Similar to the iconic Echo, this version has extended ergonomic grip at the base to make thrusting easier. The regular Echo has been a favorite of mine for years, I love the consistent G-Spot stimulation that the Echo provides, the ergonomic grip of the Echo Handle is a gift from the tap dancing dildo gods for people with mobility issues (like myself!!) regarding their hands. Also wonderful for those of us who live in bigger bodies! A problem I’ve had with all dildos over the last few years, as my ability to grip has declined, is holding the bases while using them. I love the thrusting motion when using a dildo, but it has been incredibly hard for me to do for more than a few moments. The Echo Handle is about to be a game changer for me.

Opened that package, squealed joyfully across social media about this item, then my life went sideways across the board. Had to stop my gleeful unpacking, close the box back up, and secure it within my closet to return to my main job as Mommy. Since then every time I’ve gone to see what other glory was inside, something has suddenly needed my attention.

You cannot imagine how hard it has been to know they are sitting there waiting for me, but not being able to look. Now I am looking!!

Eeee!!!!!!!

Okay my darlings, behold the beauty above while I tell you what these beautiful sexual tools are. Featured above is the Flex – Limited Edition Dildo! That lovely purple darling with attached soft flexible anal beads. This product is excellent for experimenting with double penetration with the dildo offering that full sensation while small anal beads extend pleasure. Obviously I just pulled this out of the box so I cannot give you my personal take, but I’m excited to report back with my experience.

Maybe you wouldn’t call a butt plug adorable, but that’s always what I’ve thought when I’ve seen the Perfect Plug – adorably perfect. Over the last few years I took a little vacation from anal play, but (heh) I’ve wanted to go back so having this in my box of love thrills me. The Perfect Plug is aptly named in my Professional Opinion. When I worked in Sex Toy Retail, my constant refrain was “your eyes are bigger than your butt” meaning that people always thought they wanted a larger anal toy than they actually did. Even more true for those just starting out. The Perfect Plug is about the width of my ring finger, with a tapered head and narrow neck for the most comfort possible. Also, their new anchor base means that the plug is much more comfortable than the standard round flared base. I cannot wait to lube that bit of perfection up and give it a go.

Remember! When engaging in any kind of anal play, lube is everything. While this was not in my box of love, Tantus carries one of my personal favorite lubes: Sliquid Sassy H2O Backdoor Gel Lubricant. Sliquid products are some of the safest on the market as they do not contain Glycerin & paraben, are 100% vegan, and are entirely made in the USA. This one is a water based gel, so it’s thick but non-staining. If you make the brilliant decision to pick up an anal product from Tantus, add that to your cart too. (Remember: discount code #OrgasmQuest gets you 15% the entire purchase!)

Last but not least, most excitingly even, is the Tsunami in what I like to think of as Crista Pink. I love my Echo, the Tsunami has more prominent waves for G-Spot stimulation and a great gentle curve. BUT WAIT, THERE IS MORE! This has a perfectly flared base for harness compatibility (I cannot wait to put it into my Black Widow Harness) and a spot in the base for the included, surprisingly high powered, bullet. The premium quality silicone that all tantus products are made from transfers vibration incredibly well, so I am always pleased to find that while the vibe is in the base, it carries through the toy. Personally, I tend to use the bullet for direct stimulation on the clitoral head while also enjoying a mild thrusting with the dildo itself.

Surprisingly, that’s not all that is in my box of love! However, my Mom job calls so we shall split this into multiple posts. Soon! The great reveal of the rest of my Box of Tantus Love!

Remember folks, clear your cookies, click my links and then enter code “#OrgasmQuest” to get 15% off your entire order.

Use discount code "#OrgasmQuest" to get 15% off your entire order!

Use discount code “#OrgasmQuest” to get 15% off your entire order!

#OrgasmQuest: 3 Week Update Featuring The Liberator Ramp via @SheVibe

I love SheVibe.

The wonderful folks at SheVibe are people I consider good friends, they were early supporters of Dildology, and we’ve had grand times at conferences together. When I told Sandra about #OrgasmQuest, she gave me free choice of their inventory on what I thought would help my quest the most. Immediately, I picked out The Liberator Ramp because I knew it would be helpful.

Here’s Why:

#OrgasmQuest is focused on my masturbatory orgasms though antidepressants, my partnered sex life with Val continues to be incredible. An issue I have with both masturbation and partnered sex is discomfort staying in various sexual positions due to Fibromyalgia. My limbs are sore or give out quickly, I need a great deal of ergonomic support in all areas of my life, support sexually has been at the top of my list for a while. With or without amitriptyline in my system, if I am in a ton of pain, pleasure is impossible.

So let’s talk about Liberator. I’ve not always been a fan of their PR, they’ve put out some downright misogynistic marketing tweets in the past. (It appears those have all been deleted) That issue seems to have been rectified. (I’m putting that in this review because I was one of the voices of dissent at the time.) Their marketing may have an iffy past, but their products are incredible.

They call the foam core of their products “Champagne Foam”. Okay. What I can say is that the foam core stabilizes, cushions and supports my body in a way that no other configuration of memory foam pillows has. The microfiber cover feels wonderful against my skin, which is wonderful because I do have texture issues. The cover also zips off and is machine washable. Getting the cover on and off is surprisingly easy, even with my weak grip.

Call me vanilla all you want, I love missionary. The lift from the liberator ramp makes that position feel more intimate, our bodies are closer, and I find that it is easier to get deeper penetration – something I am a huge fan of. Laid over the top of the ramp, I can grip the bottom comfortably for stability. My hips are cushioned and I am able to stay in that receiving position longer than before.

For masturbation, I’m a lay on my back kind of person. The elevation makes handling insert-able dildos easier. When using the Magic Wand, I can rest my elbow by my side which means that I can handle the weight of that beast longer. I’m in an elevated, cushioned, comfortable spot for #OrgasmQuest time, which makes a wonderful difference.

The last time we used the ramp, I laid on it for a good ten minutes asking Val if I could just please lay on it naked for the rest of my days and he could just enter me whenever he wanted. Apparently that’s not possible because I still need to parent. Sigh

Which brings me to storage. This sucker is big, there is no denying that. Zipped up it slides under the bed or sits in the closet taking up about as much space as a large suitcase. However, I’ll be honest. I wash the cover immediately after use, and then keep it at the end of our bed so the kids can race their cars down it. The toddlers think it’s the coolest thing ever. I’ve had arguments that the ramp is mine and that they cannot take it into the playroom to roll down.

When not being a car ramp, I lay across it while writing or watching TV. I’ve slept on it a few times because apparently the elevation takes my snoring down to a tolerable level for Val. Well, until I roll over. My ramp has become another wonderful life hack. My *only* complaint is that I really could use a handle or two on the side for moving it around with my mobility issues. Obviously I make it work, but a handle would make a wonderful product even more incredible. I may not have my masturbatory orgasms back YET, but I can honestly say that the ramp is an incredibly useful sexual tool for meeting my goal.

For more information on the specifics of the ramp itself, I invite you to visit SheVibe’s page for the Liberator Ramp. One of the many things I love about SheVibe’s website is the glorious amount of product information they make available to their customers. Trying to duplicate it here would not do them justice.

I also love their artistry, so I will close with this wonderful large banner for SheVibe, because it makes me happy. (Also, one of my goals in life is to be drawn as a SheVibe superhero. Ahem. Just sayin.)

 Disclaimer/Disclosure: SheVibe sent me this glorious ramp in exchange for an honest review, which is exactly what this is. Should you make the wise decision to buy any one for yourself, or any of their other fantastic offerings via my links, I will get a small commission from those sales. That amount of money is not enough to sway the views I’ve expressed here. If you are overwhelmed by your options, I have spent many years working in sex toy retail. You can contact me with questions or to set up a time for us to chat about your sexual accessory needs.

#OrgasmQuest Update: Important Clarification

After a few private conversations with peers about #OrgasmQuest, I’ve realized there are a few things that I need to clarify about my quest. To begin:

This is not about goal oriented sex.

Yes I know, the vibe is more effective a few feet lower.

Yes I know, the vibe is more effective a few feet lower.

I’ve never chased goal oriented sex. That was easy to say because my orgasm was always so plentiful, such a given, that I never had to chase orgasm. Partnered sex was always for the experience, for the pleasure, fun, intimacy, or hell – because there was nothing good on tv. Sometimes it was to get off without having to put forth much effort, but that was sheer laziness. Nothing wrong with that.

Once I had the IUD installed, started taking a tricyclic antidepressant and started Neurontin for my fibro, I began suffering from anorgasmia, like so many other people. Universe creating orgasms suddenly gone. Thus, #OrgasmQuest!

My partnered sex life is still absolutely fucking amazing. There have been a few times that I’ve had orgasms. Soft ones that felt like gentle waves. Nice, don’t get me wrong, but I miss those Universe Creating ones. Miss them because they are some of the best sensations in the world, not because my partnered sex life is suddenly lacking without them. That part of my sexuality is every bit as grand as it was before. Sex is still about the experience, intimacy, fun, pleasure, or because there isn’t anything interesting in the netflix queue.

What I am in absolutely relentless pursuit of is my masturbatory orgasm back. I *need* that venue of orgasm back because it is a tool for me much more than something sexual. Masturbation orgasms are a life hack.

I’m trying to get a quote from my Mom about this to back me up – for now you’ll just have to trust me. Not only did I come out of the womb depressed – one little hand was on my clitoris. When I was a toddler it was known as my “feeling good stuff” and I was taught that my feeling good stuff was awesome, but needed to be done in my room for privacy. (My Mom was/is a fucking bad-ass parent.) I’ve always been masturbating.

Masturbation orgasms are a tool for me in stopping a panic attack. I’m able to focus on pleasure, get off, and ride that through instead of descending into that dark place. When I get a migraine aura? Slam coffee, turn on my wevibe Tango, get off and *usually* I just have to deal with a bad headache instead of losing a day or more to the migraine. Too stressed to parent? Tag in another adult, lock myself in a room, get off and then suddenly I can handle the endless stream of demands. Scared to do a thing? Touch my clit and do it. Feeling a flare coming on? Same as above. Might push it off a few hours, at least long enough to take care of a few things so when I do crash, the house doesn’t go down without me.

#OrgasmQuest is not about goal oriented sex.

I strongly push back against the idea that orgasm is the end all, be all, most important part of a sexual encounter. I believe it is a great part of a sexual encounter, but if you’re also anorgasmic, your sex life can still be fucking fantastic. Mine is still fucking fantastic. Sex without orgasm is not a waste of time. It is not a failure.

#OrgasmQuest is all about getting my lifehack back, the part of my identity that is tied to being highly orgasmic though masturbation, and trying to support others who are facing similar struggles. I’ve received so many wonderful messages about the Quest, people bravely sharing their trials and so much loving support. We’re all in this together folks.